How can I stop her?

[saj2777]

Okay...I married a man with two kids to different moms. My husband and I have had many problems with these two, but have managed to have a somewhat peaceful marriage. We are now expecting a baby girl...and upon sharing this with the BMs, one of them is now going to file for CS. Now, mind you that, my husband and I do our best to make sure these two kids are taken care of. The point: A friend of mine a while back was in the same situation and she said she and her husband went to a lawyer and there was some type of file or order written up to state that her husband's obligation was to his wife's child first and this lessened the amount of CS he had to pay. Anybody ever hear of this? How does this work?

[nomoredrama]

I went thru something similar in 2006-2007...My DH's BM filed to amend existing CS order when I was 4 months pregnant. By the time the review was completed and the court date was set, our daughter was born. SD was also paying a court ordered child support for his son by BM#2. DH & I have a total of 2 children together.

The child support paid to BM #2, our child care for our 2 children, and the monthly premiums paid for health & dental insurance (DH used to provide until I put SD on mine due to cheaper cost) were used to deduct from DH's spendable income. Also, in our state, more credit is given for children residing in the home than outside the home.

Each state has different laws regarding child support. I would encourage you to look up the laws in your state. Most state have child support calculators that estimate child support pretty accurately.

You probably can claim health & dental insurance premiums, childcare fees paid, mortgage/rent, car payments and child support paid for other children. You might also be able to claim medical bills relating to the child the order is for. If your child is born before you go to court, he will probably get more "credit" for that child since the child is "in-house."

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Good luck with the child support review. Do not let it stress you out though. You don't need any sort of stress right now.

[downazzchick]

I don't think there is a way to stop her from filing, but i can tell you if the CS order is in place prior to your child's birth you can have that order amended when your child is born. My BD was paying support prior to getting married. After he and his wife had a baby my CS decreased because of this and we did not go to court. I don't know how this was done, but it did.

[nomoredrama]

downazz is right that you can not stop her from filing child support but you can add information to the review that will decrease his gross salary.
I encourage you to go to your state's website and read about what information is used during the review so that you can be prepared. Be proactive and not reactive.

[memyslfni]

Hey Saj2777, r u the first wife? Because what I get from it is that U want to get this order written up. Basically countering the bm's action of greed to file cs because you and dh already help to support the kids. Am I corrent? I just want to get a better understanding to what Im giving advise on.

[nomoredrama]

Apr 26, 2008 0:37:04 GMT -5 saj2777 said:

We are now expecting a baby girl...and upon sharing this with the BMs, one of them is now going to file for CS.

I think one of the BMs is going to file for child support now that Saj is pregnant with DH's child.

[memysldni]

I know that part tellit, but she trying to counter bm for filing cs. She is the wife right and she mentioned her friends situation. My question is: Is she trying to do what her friend and husband did?

[saj2777]

Hey everybody! Thanks for the info! I know I really don't need to be stressed right now (8 mos preggo), but its taking a toll. To answer a question: Yes, I am the first (and only) wife. ;D And I would like to file with an attorney like my friend and her husband, but I don't know how it was done. I was wondering if anyone else had heard of this...or done this and could give me the rundown. I would ask my friend but I can't reach her. Let me know! Your girl is stressed to the max!

Oh yeah! I don't want to stop her from filing...I know I can't do that...I WOULD like to reduce the amount her greedy a** would get!

[memyslfni]

Hey saj, Just wanted to be sure I was reading right!. I cant say that I've heard of an order such as the one u described but if it does exist. Wow!. I'd like to know more about that....So thanks for the info..I kinda figured that was the situation, because u mentioned how the two of u were already providing for the kids. But as soon as bm discovered the new arrival, she didnt waste no time....If u dont mind what was ur relationship like with the two (bm's)?

[saj2777]

Traditional. They hate me! And I don't care too much for them either...if it wasn't for those kids I would really let the both of them have it. My husband wasn't always an angel (LOL!). So since I came into the picture when he was ready for a wife..you know stable, secure with himself, God-fearing, and really coming into his manhood...they think I'm the evil one. The other BM...the one not filing for CS, she has a problem with my SD knowing that I'm her "other mommy"...so it's really up to the BM when we see her. It's tough on my husband and tougher on me. I hate to see him without his kids...and I know this new child won't replace the other too, but I'm so excited that I can give him a "real" parent-child relationship!

[nomoredrama]

Saj, I believe that law already takes into account your DH's responsibility to your child. I have never heard of such an order. When we filled out the paperwork, child support asked for the number of children living in the home. Based on that, a certain percentage was deducted from my DH's income.
Here is an excerpt from the child support laws in my state concerning children residing in the home:

"Where a party to the proceeding has a natural or adopted child or children in the party's household or primary physical custody, and the child or children are not the subject of the present proceeding, there is a presumption that there shall be deducted from the gross income of that party the amount as shown on the Schedule of Monthly Basic Child Support Obligations contained in subsection B that represents that party's support obligation based solely on that party's income as being the total income available for the natural or adopted child or children in the party's household or primary physical custody, who are not the subject of the present proceeding..."

For example, if your DH's gross income is $4,000 per month, the amount of child support for his other child will be deducted from his income. And, if you child is born before the child support case, your husband would get $553 credit for your child. This amount is deducted from his gross income. If his gross income is $2,500, he would receive $394 credit for your child. Essentially, he will receive a 13.83% credit for support of your child.

Some states even take into account the amount of time spent with child (part of the fatherhood initiative to keep fathers actively involved in their children's lives).
You can go online to your state's website to determine who child support is calculated. It will give you a pretty good picture of what to expect him to pay.

[nomoredrama]

I know what you mean regarding a "real" parent-child relationship. My DH had 2 children (2 BMs) when we married. He really grew up after having an "in-house" child. At first he acted like he was afraid to be alone with our son when he was born. Then he began a pro at it. Now that our daughter is born, my DH is VERY involved....There is a BIG difference between children living in the home & children living in a separate residence.

[Keia1]

Tell it like it is you are so right....the children in the home get much more love, attention and financial support than those living outside the the home. In BM's defense she probably feels like because of that she's better safeguard her money because one the new child is born he will probably start doing less for hers. In the case I don't believe the BM is being greedy she is simply doesn't trust that after the new baby is born hers will still be provided for the same. I don't think it's jealousy or anything personal she just want to know that she will still have money coming in to help support her child. It was different when you all didn't have a kid now that you do she knows the child with the woman he is with will have the highest priority so she is just trying to keep her kid from getting shortchanged.

[memyslfni]

Yeah thats fine for the bm to file child support and all, but to assume that the guy is going "shortchange" the kids that he's been taking care of. The bm could had at least waited it out and then if she felt that the child was being short changed, did what she had to do...whatever happened to the "benefit of the doubt"? Give someone a chance b4 jumping to conclusions, I mean obviously in saJ's case, the kids were already being provided for with no hesitation and now all of a sudden just because they have a kid, bm thinks "her child is going to get "shortchanged". I can understand if the bd was unfit to begin with....and kept making kids he obviously couldnt take care of..

[keia1]

I disagree in most states whoever files first gets the most. Not to get money but to make sure she knows exactly whats she's getting and that she will be legally backed. Bd can renig on anything that they've worked out. Give BM the benefit of the doubt....she probably has people giving her advice and all. Nothing wrong with making sure she doesn't get shortchanged. We all know men cater to the woman he's with so she's just trying to be safe about it. As long as she's still letting the kid see his dad all I don't see a problem with it.