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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 26, 2008 21:58:13 GMT -5
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 27, 2008 1:53:34 GMT -5
Good idea tellit, could work if she is sensible.
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Post by saj2777 on Apr 27, 2008 9:21:56 GMT -5
That would be a great idea tellit...if she hasn't already filed....She claims she has already started the process.....She didn't waste any time and didn't communicate to us her concerns about how our child would effect the support of hers. So it wasn't like she was trying to be decent about it, you know....I feel like she did that out of spite! That's it. It's one thing if your kid isn't being taken care of in the first place, it's another if your child is being taken care of and you go to the courts to see how much more you can get....
It's like she thinks my DH and I have it so good because we both work and can afford things, but you would be surprised at how expensive life really is....we just bought our first home, we've got car notes, not too mention bills on top of bills on top of bills, and we still do a good job with my stepkids. God has been good to us...I think she sees that and feels like she is entitled to some of it too....hence filing for CS when her kid doesn't really need it.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 27, 2008 10:14:18 GMT -5
You could be right saj...I still think she just trying to make sure her kid gets his or her piece of the pie. My mom felt the same way about my dad...she felt like he has money so he should be able to do more than what he's doing. In this case I still just think she's safeguarding hers....no sense in going about it in a nasty way but we all know when it comes to money people are a**holes.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 27, 2008 14:49:49 GMT -5
Saj, we go thru the same thing. We can not share accomplishments with SD because BM thinks she can get a piece of it....Like I said on previous post, we purchased a car after we got married...BM #2 saw the new car & told my MIL, he got a new car, he must be making more money, time for more child support. That taught us that we could not let BM #2 know anything that we do. She is vengeful & spiteful. She thinks if DH gets an extra dollar, she needs to get 50 cents of it.
The trip thing is that BM emails & calls us about ALL of her accomplishments. She is really trying to brag about her accomplishments. She told DH when she enrolled in college. She told DH when she purchased her first home. We sent her a house warming gift. She called & let DH know when she purchased a new car, etc. We weren't able to share with SD that we purchased our own home a few years earlier....But, because of her mentality, we have to keep our accomplishments to ourselves & family.
The trip part is that we can share everything with BM#1. She is very mature. She will congratulate you. She understand that we BOTH work hard to get what we have. We also make sure that SS is taken care of.
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Post by saj2777 on Apr 27, 2008 17:41:23 GMT -5
Yeah...sometimes it just feels like we can't win. I know I work HARD for the things I have, I shouldn't have to be worried about how much BM knows about what me and DH have. It's sad, you know....if she would take the extra energy she spends trying to keep up with what DH and I get, and put that into her child...or trying to better her situation her self, she would be so much more fulfilled. All I can do is pray.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 27, 2008 19:12:57 GMT -5
I think they (the BMs) try to one up the BDs to make them "see" what they (the BDs) are missing out on. It is crazy I know, but some women think like that. I know BM #2 does anyway. But, what I think is amazing is that she brags mostly about what someone has done for her. SDs grandfather gave her this....Someone gave me this....I think that is the fault with some BMs. Some are always looking for someone to give them something.
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Post by BADCHICK on Apr 27, 2008 22:17:19 GMT -5
Truthfully, I know a lot of BM's who simply want the financial support they need to help care for their offspring. Most don't want some other woman in the picture attempting to limit what they can get for their child which in this case is what saj is trying to do. If it isn't about the money saj, why does it bother you so much that she want's to file cs? Why are you so worried about her getting less and not more? You say you would never allow Dh to shortchange the child, does it really matter which way the child gets supported cs or dh voluntarily paying support. You say you are the first and only wife. That is great and I wish you the best with your pregnancy but that doesn't make you any better than DH's childrens mother's he simply has a commitment to you and with them only to their children. They are no longer with them apparently for whatever reason they were not the women God wanted him to marry. He God chose you for him, that doesn't mean you should try to spite them. Women can sense when another woman feels she is superior to them. Maybe they can sense it and that's why they don't like you.
I know you probably are taking it personally that now that you are preggo she want's to file support. Could be that she thinks this may not be your only kid you have by him and she wants to get her claim in because in the event you all divorce you will automatically be granted cs. If she doesn't file before you she will get less. Most lawyers advice BM's to file for cs and not work out a deal with the fathers because they are so shaky. Or she could be trying to punish you DH for having another child with you. Probably a combination of both.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 27, 2008 22:35:45 GMT -5
On the contrary BadChick (Keia). I don't think Saj is saying she thinks that she is better than his BMs. She IS concerned about her household finances & she has a right to be. She is trying to figure out how much BM can get because her DH will also have a responsibility to support Saj's child just like he is supporting his other children. Why wouldn't she be concerned? What woman would not be. More to the BMs house means less to Saj's house. She is not asking DH not to pay child support for his existing children. This man has apparently paid voluntarily for a while.
It makes common sense for Saj & her DH to have a child together. They are husband & wife and are doing what God intended for married couples to do...Be fruitful & multiply.
My DH & I went thru something similar when BM #2 found out that we were having our first child. She ran over to my MIL (mother in law) house talking mess. BM told my MIL, "he gonna have 3 kids by 3 different women." But, like my mother in law told the BM..."What you mad for (meaning BM)? She (meaning me) did it the right way. She (meaning me) got the man first (DH) and then she had a baby. Ya (meaning BM) just got a baby."
On a side note, how the BM think she gonna talk mess about my DH to his own mom? That takes a lot of nerve. BM was HOT when MIL put her in her place. She had to PICK UP HER FACE!!
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Post by BADCHICK on Apr 27, 2008 22:44:54 GMT -5
BADCHICK is not Keia1. Lol, however I do find it odd that you compare the two of us hence we are totally different. I am 22 married with 2 kids by my DH. My sister (we are twins) is a BM. I compare our situations often and we help and support each other. I come to the board sporadically as I learn from my sis who is a BM how to deal with my DH's BM. I sympathize with Keia1 the same as I sympathize with my sister. Unfortunately tellit, you don't have the same compassion.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 28, 2008 0:19:53 GMT -5
I have the utmost respect for most single parents (not just mothers). Being a single parent is very hard. But, a person doesn't have to bring baby mama drama just because you are single parent.
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 28, 2008 12:58:17 GMT -5
What people get wrong is that not just mothers are single parents. Their are many fathers out there raising their children alone and the mother is alive and well, but obviously not capable for whatever reason. In my opinion, if a mother and a father is taking care of a child and loves that child and are not together then they are both single parents, unfortunately the court system seems to feel like the child is best fit to stay with mommy instead of daddy, which is not always the case unless the mother is on drugs, prosituting herself, or has a record of jail time.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 28, 2008 13:05:13 GMT -5
You're right Lovejones - Mom's are always favored in the court system - and they are not always the best parent. If a dad doesn't pay his c/s - he's a piece of sh*t - on the other hand if the mom keeps the kid away from the dad - she's what? It takes a act of congress and a azz load of $ for the Dad to get any justice. I think that's why BMD has grown to be so big. Its the Stepmoms who see the BM for what she really is -
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 28, 2008 14:15:10 GMT -5
It is true. There are rare cases when the mother's causing hell get shut down. You don't get all these praises for the great fathers our there holding it down. Who just hear all of this bull about he's a deadbeat, he won't give me extra money, he left me to go with her. What de hell. have you ever stop to think that he is getting the hell on because you are crazy as hell. And that statement is only for those fathers who are trying to be fathers but angry women won't allow them to do it to there fullest for the gratification of control. Now the deatbeats complain about them all day, but who hear about more BMD with men who are trying to be good fathers and the deadbeats get off on slack and and get a child support sepenia, but you don't hear all this calling the new gf/wife and holding up with all this mess. I guess because those BMs know that he ain't worth a d**n anyway to waste with BMD.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 28, 2008 15:05:14 GMT -5
Good point...dead beat Dads don't have to deal with BMD.
Its the Dad's that care for their kids that have to put up w/ all the craziness.
Sometimes I can see why some Dad's choose the Dead beat route --- they got tired of all the BMD! LOL
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