Drama can go both ways

[nomoredrama]

I have found that drama is not always BM towards BD but can be BD towards BM...Listen to a friend of mine's story:

My friend is divorced with 2 children. Her DH left her twice during the marriage & finally left for good when 2nd child was 8 months old. They divorced when their youngest child was 2.5 years old. My friend's ex was very verbally abusive during their marriage and is still verbally abusive even though they have divorced.

Her ex made over 2.5 times more per year than her, so he was court ordered to pay over $1000 per month in child support. When you are married, the courts try to keep children at the same standard of living as during the marriage...Anyway, her ex lost his job & refused to get another one. Because he was unemployed, he felt as though he should not be responsible for child support. This man has a Master's degree & very high earning potential. He just decided that he did not want to work because he was upset about paying child support. He owes her $10,000 in back child support.

My friend fell behind on her bills because she could not afford to pay child care and maintain her household...Long story short, my friend was forced to move back to her home state (where her ex is also from). My friend moved in with her sister for financial reasons.

Her ex now has a job paying slightly less than what he was making before.He took her back to court & reviewed the child support. My friend agreed to reduce the child support by $600 per month taking into account that her ex now has to travel to see the children. Her ex constantly calls her & berates her. My friend makes certain that her ex talks with the kids on the phone at least once a day. The kids call their father in the morning & at night before they go to bed. Her custody agreement allows her ex to visit the kids 1 weekend per month. But, my friend allows him to see the kids more than that if he chooses. The distance between the two states is not that much, so this is feasible. And, if her ex is in her home state, she allows him to see the children.

My friend does not contact her ex's new wife. My friend contacted her in the beginning but has grown to accept the breakup, so she does not make her ex or his new wife her focus any longer. She only contacts her ex when it is something relating to the children. When she first got to our state, my friend was bitter & angry. She & I talking has helped alot. She has learned that only her children hurt if she alienates her children from their father, regardless of her feelings towards him....Even though she never alienated the children, in the beginning of the breakup, she would want to keep the children away but she could not do that to her children.

Anyway, her ex seems psycho...He calls her constantly all day long and complains about her moving away (back to the state where they are both from). He complains about having to pay child support....He feels that he should only per her $500 per month...He feels that she is keeping their children from him. When he calls her, he calls her names, questions her character and her faith, etc. She has let me hear some of the messages her ex leaves for her & he sounds like he is crazy. My friend just deletes the messages but I think she should keep them.

All this to say, her ex called her last month & told her that he could not visit the children this month due to obligations at work. My friend was upset but I explained that she can not make him visit his children. So, my friend made plans with the children anticipating that her ex was not coming this month. Her ex called her this month & gave her 2 days notice that he was in fact coming to visit with the children. The court order states he is to give her at least 7 days notice. But, my friend modified her plans & allowed ex to get the kids. Her ex called her Wednesday & told her he was coming into town Friday, so he wanted to get the kids. My friend had definite plans to go out of town with the kids. This was a planned trip as my friend scheduled a day off of work for a 3 day weekend. Her ex feels like because he is coming to town, he should get the kids, despite her plans. She told him that she had concrete plans for Saturday, but she would cancel her trip out of town so he could visit with the kids. Her ex does not feel that is good enough. He wants to get the kids for the ENTIRE weekend & feels as though because he does not see his kids as much, she should cater to him. Her ex left her 8 messages complaining about how selfish she is, how unconsiderate she is, etc.

I don't feel as though she has to cater to her ex. He told her initially that he was not coming at all this month. But, he came last weekend & got the kids. Now, he is coming into town for a 2nd straight week and wants the kids. She feels that if he is coming into town, he SHOULD see the kids, but she already made plans with the kids, so she can't let them go with him the entire weekend. She gave him options but those were not good enough for him.

It is also worth noting that my friend's ex also has 3 adult children & sisters & brothers in the state my friend now resides in. So, my friend did not move to a state that they had no connection to. Both she & her ex were born & raised in that state.

Drama can go both ways. In this case, my friend is being harassed by her ex out of spite. He is upset that he has to pay child support & that he has to go out of his way to visit his kids even though his decision not to work placed a financial bind on my friend, so she had to move in with her sister to keep a roof over she & her children's heads.

[wbmama]

What a great story Tellit - not that its a great situation - Its just a fantastic example of a woman stepping up and doing what she needs to do for her children. Her ex sounds like a bitter a**. But it sounds like she's keeping her head up and moving forward. LOVE IT!

That's why I said I didn't have a lot of sympathy for single mom's - there are so many other things in this world to feel sorry for yourself for. Many single mom's play the "victim'" role for too long thus creating a CBM. You can't you have children that need to come first!

Your friend got screwed by this man - so she did what she needed to do! BRAVO for her!
Her Karma will come back to her - she will find a Prince who loves her and those kids. Her EX will get his Karma too - he'll just be a lonley miserable BD - who's kids will grow up with no respect for him.

Tell your friend that I am proud of her! Stay strong!

[downazzchick]

Your friend is better than me. There aint no way you gon talk to me like i'm crazy and then want me to do something for you? Come on now what planet has he been living on? He has already broke up a happy home by being in the street, put her down by not paying her the money she deserves, now he talking down on her too? Your friend should cuss his ass out one good time so he'll know he has overstepped his boundaries and he needs to back up. She can refuse to talk to him or allow her children to talk to him if he has to make derogatory statements.

[nomoredrama]

Before she moved, he started talking mess to her (calling her names, etc.) in front of their children. She was at his house to pickup the children after visitation. He kept talking and getting in her face, so she slapped him. Do you know that man called the cops on her? He did not press charges though...That is when she knew for certain that she had to put some distance between them. She was already considering it due to her financial condition.

My friend was VERY hurt when he abandoned the marriage. But, like I told her, he left his 1st wife the same way, so he did not think twice about leaving her. This man is 16 years older than her & has adult children slightly younger than her. He throws temper tantrums when he can't have his way.

She tries not to talk to him but he uses the children to get her on the phone. Like yesterday, he left all of those crazy messages. She sent him a message thru his cell phone informing him that while he could not have spend the entire weekend with the kids due to her plans but he could have them tonight (Saturday) after 6 pm. This man is relentless. He continued to call her phone (she works & does not have her cell phone on while at work). He called & continue to leave messages. Each message was a continuation of the first one...."X, this is Y & I am continuing my message. I figured you might have some compassion since I don't get to see the kids that often. But, I should have known that you would be selfish. I am hoping to appeal to your sense of reason. You call yourself a christian but you have a long way to go with your walk with God, blah, blah, blah." Finally, he called yesterday evening & left another 3 messages on her home phone (she & kids were gone). The kids called their dad back and spoke with him. Their dad asked them to put my friend on the phone. My friend spoke with him (not wanting to tell the kids that she did not want to talk with their dad). He immediately started verbally abusing her. She just hung the phone up...The fool continued to call & leave messages. He is a NUT!

When the breakup first occurred, my friend still wanted the marriage. She tried to get him back. She suggested counseling, etc. Her ex was adamant about the divorce (because he was already dating someone). My friend called his then girlfriend & tried to tell her about how her ex was...She was in a different place then. Now she feels like God lifted a burden (her ex) off her shoulders. She does not want him back any more. She has gotten a better job in her new state. She has family support....And, she & I talking about baby mama drama has helped her to understand how unhealthy it is...But her ex harasses her, like she did him wrong by moving on with her life. He wanted her to stay in the same state and be "friends" with he & his new wife. She feels like they should have been "friends" when they were married. Now, it is what it is..She said there is no need for them to be friends. They are divorced and only have to be parents to their children. I know it is frustrating for her because it frustrates me when she tells me about it.

[nomoredrama]

Okay, we have to come up with a term for baby daddy drama...
My friend told her ex that he could pickup the kids after 6 pm today (even though it was not his visitation weekend). When she originally told her ex that she had plans with the kids, he left her over 10 messages calling her every name but a child of God. She canceled her plans to go out of town to visit her mother but she had plans with the kids Saturday morning that could not be canceled.

Well, yesterday her ex called her & told her he would not pickup the kids until Sunday because he was tired from his flight on Friday. So, she told him that the kids & her would go to the early morning church service so that he could get the kids by 10:30 am.
Well, the fool did not show up until 2:30 PM to get the kids. He said he would bring the kids back by 8 PM tonight.

My friend ran a errand but was feeling kind of bad so she said she was going to lie down & get some sleep. At 5:15 pm her ex called her & told her to come get the kids...She was like, he made all this stink about not being able to see his kids when he comes to town. She cancels her plans to visit her mom & he gets the kids for less than 2 hours. DRAMA!!

This man is CRAZY!! I had talked with her right before she laid down. She called me less than 1 hour later telling me that she was on her way to get this kids. I was like, what happened??
Her ex said he was tired so he was going to lie down, etc.

My friend rolls over backwards trying to make sure her kids see their father. Her ex did not want to be married to her any longer & now that they are divorced, he wants to make her miserable. I told her that he is trying to punish her for seeking child support from him.

My husband deals with BMD but my friend is dealing with baby daddy craziness.

[memyslfni]

tellit, ur friend in being walked all over by this inconsiderate man. But I think she will eventually reach her point of no return with his bs.

[nomoredrama]

I think that she has heard so many stories about my DH's BM#2 that she is trying not to be a "baby mama" or feel that she is a "baby mama." She is trying to keep the peace with her ex. But, this man thinks he has a fool. I think that she needs to go ahead and cuss (not curse) him out a few times. And, I mean call him EVERY four letter word that she can think of. And she needs to be all up in his face (and finger pointing) when she cusses him out. And, if I was her, he might just get cut that day too. She can repent to God afterwards ....I bet he'll think twice about disrespecting her again.

[nomoredrama]

Okay, my friend found out yesterday that her ex has been trying to poison the children against her. Her 6 year old told her that daddy said mommy doesn't let him see them. Her 6 year old mentioned this to her which got her attention. The 6 year old & her daughter then started telling her that daddy said he wants to see them every weekend but she (my friend) will not allow them to. Her kids then told her that their dad told them that he wants to have more of a say in decisions in my friends household....Now, how crazy is that?

I told my friend that she needs to tell her ex off. I also told her that she must tell her children the truth about the situation because the kids are only hearing from him about this. Her daughter is already telling her that she wants to go live with dad when she gets older. That's because BD has been filling the kids heads with nonsense....My friend needs to be truthful about their visitation agreement...Especially since her daughter is feeding into it big time.

[wbmama]

You're right - she's gotta be honest (to a degree) to the kids. They are way smarter than we give them credit for.

As far as telling him off, if it makes her feel good go for it - it will accomplish nothing though. Just like our BM's - they just LOVE the attention (good or bad).