Wow

[lark]

I agree with the last part. Once hubby's little girl leaves our house, I don't have any say in what goes on over at Bms home.

My husband has the final say on our end, but because he respects me and my opinions, he confers with me. Sometimes I may have a suggestion that he didnt think of. Sometimes he doesn't agree with what I have to add. But either way, we discuss things with one another before he makes the final decision.

My problem is that the BM is putting her little girl in a tough situation. Yelling, bribing or crying to her is not the answer. If BM doesn't like her calling me mommie, she should take it up with BD and we could come up with something else. Because at this point, I would rather she call me a cute nickname than "mommie" if it will cause pain and confusion.

[lark]

Especially since we have a new baby on the way, and BM is being psychotic right now.

[jaylady999]

My problem is that the BM is putting her little girl in a tough situation. Yelling, bribing or crying to her is not the answer. If BM doesn't like her calling me mommie, she should take it up with BD and we could come up with something else. Because at this point, I would rather she call me a cute nickname than "mommie" if it will cause pain and confusion.

Yep, my skids have their own nickname for me and its adorable, even now that they are teens. And you are right about BM and her issues. She needs to take them up with BD. Her issues should never be your problem.

[stepmommy20]

I think that every situation is different.
I am from a divorced family and I love both of my step parents, who have possibly even both done more for me then my biological parents.

I have a step son, that I take care of full time, as my husband has custody and he works 50+ hours a week, he is with me the majority of the time. Before custody was awarded to my husband, his BM did everything in her power to destroy my husbands relationship with his son. She would deny us visitation, then tell the child we did not love him and did not want to see him. Brainwashed the child into calling her husband Daddy (as well as the 3 boyfriends before him). When we did get visitation, on top of the child support my husband pays her, she would require us to give her 100$ extra as a "delivery fee", refusing to allow us to have him if that was not given to her (even though we split the visitation). And she would call nonstop during our visit at all hours.
Once we could not get ahold of her at all for 2 months, finally getting fed up, my husband and I hired an attorney, upon receiving her subpoena, she called us to tell us that we were "wasting our time trying to take her to court" because "she didn't have him anymore." "WHAT!? What do you mean!?" My husband asked.

She had given birth to another baby about two months prior, low and behold that baby tested positive for Xanax(that she was not prescribed) and heroine. which was enough for DHS to open up an investigation on her and remove the children from the home.
It turns out that the home she provided was infested with thingyroaches, and filthy from top to bottom, a 2 bedroom duplex with 4 other adults occupying it and my stepson sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

We had never been in her home so we did not know of these conditions, and my husband is a neat freak so I know she didn't live like that when they were together.

So long story short we got custody, (to her dismay).

On the way home with him from the court house, she calls my husbands cell phone.

"I'm just letting you know not to claim him on your taxes this year, because I will, and don't expect me to pay child support I raised him for four years!"

He had just turned 4 when we got him, he did not know how to count, he did not know his abc's, he was not potty trained, did not brush his teeth before bed, didn't eat anything besides cereal and macaroni, and would throw horrible tantrums! and was WAY behind on his shots and vaccinations.

Thank god we have him, and have corrected all these things. He has changed very much in the past year we've had him. He's gained weight, he's learned a lot, he's happier, he's much more social.

How many times has his mother called for visitation since we've had him? twice. She complains that since it is supervised she can't "enjoy being with him" like she can when there alone so why bother at all. and she is welcome to schedule visitation whenever she wishes. But she doesn't. She is also 10,000.00+ behind on her child support payments.

I cook for him.
I clean for him.
I bathe him.
I buy half of everything he has.
I play with him.
I take him out.
I comfort him when he's sick or sad.
I potty trained him.

Pretty much the only thing I didn't do was give birth to him, and it seems to me that that's the only the she did for him... and that makes her more of a mother to him than me? I don't think so.

He's asked me if he could call me mommy, and I said he could call me anything he wanted and it wouldn't bother me either way.

I think I'm a lot more of a mother to this child then she is, a woman who won't complete rehab or even a simple narcotics anonymous program for her son.

[jaylady999]

Yes every situation is different. My comments are re SMs of children who's BM is actively raising the child. If BM is pretty much not active in the child's life, the point I was making pretty much becomes moot

Thanks for sharing ;D