Crazy BM

[misswhitelcn]

I started seeing my bf in september 2010. I always swore I wouldn't date a guy with kids, but we were friends who turned into lovers and now here I am. His wife left him at least a year and a half before I came along, but they're still just legally separated. He says it's cheaper that way, she seems to think that's just as good as married and she should be the priority I wanted everything to go smoothly because of the children, so I was very friendly with her. She fr me on facebook and I accepted. After 2 months, I started to realize that every time she knew we were doing something, she would invent drama and call. We deleted her and then she didn't know what were were doing and that stopped. Coincidence? Probably not.

Things really hit the fan in March when I couldn't take it anymore and took his phone and texted her saying let's finalize this divorce. I'm with her now and this needs to be over. I'm completely aware of how crazy that was, but she really brings out a side of me I didn't know I had. But then the trick has the nerve to text back, "We're married. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" You can imagine how that went. She lives over an hour away and called because there was a bee in the apartment. Really? Um...call YOUR bf, not mine. What did she expect him to do? Drive 80 minutes to go save her from the big bad bumble bee? No, she and the kids are not allergic. She's 44 and needs to take care of herself.

We broke up in August when I couldn't take her crap anymore. She called him because her son didn't want to go to bed. What is he supposed to do about that? That started a war, and our relationship was over. Then a week later, he decided to go bang her. Awesome. Apparently he even told her some things about our relationship. 2 months later we decided to try to work on it. After the snowstorm, she lost power and invited herself over. It was the weekend and he already had the kids. He said it wouldn't be a good idea because we're back together, but then he said, ok. You come over and stay with the kids and I'll go stay with my gf and everybody's happy. As soon as she found out he wouldn't be there, she decided to find another place to stay. You do the math.

My birthday was on Nov 13th and he took me away for the weekend. She called the whole time. He didn't answer the phone. She always goes nuts when he doesn't answer and demands explanations as to why he didn't answer. Then she tries to flip it saying, oh but what if it was about the kids? Well, it never is. When she found out that he was taking the daughter's calls, she took her phone and used it to call him. He blew her off and said he'd call her as soon as he got home. We got home and snuggled up on the couch. She called again and went OFF. She told him he was a bad father, that the kids don't want to spend time with him, and that he's a deadbeat, blah blah blah. All lies. He has the kids EVERY weekend, unless we have plans which is once every few months, he gives her half his paycheck, and pays for everything else, and his kids absolutely adore him. Then she hung up on him and called ME, screaming that I'm a psycho b-tch, and that I broke up her family, and that she can have him any time she wants him, and even threw a few personal things in that I was surprised she knew. Obviously he had told her when we broke up, and that killed me. He did his best to console me and reassure me that I'm the one he wants and loves and cares about.

Today, instead of leaving at 11 to drop the kids off at the halfway point, she says she needs him to leave at 2 and drive them all the way to her house..............because she needs to clean. I lost it. All I could think about was how much it hurt when he had sex with her there in August. Basically, he told me to get over it. Maybe I would get over it if he would stand up to her and stop doing favors for her, but then he said, Well, those favors are the reason that YOU get to have me for the weekend sometimes. I'm still trying to figure out what other dad has his kids EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND. And he's expected to take all of his vacation to coincide with their school vacation, which leaves us without time to go on a real vacation. I really gave it to her today when she decided to throw my infertility in my face by saying, "You'll never know what it's like to have that mommy feeling. Awwww what a shame." So I said, I have that mommy feeling when I have your kids every weekend. She ran crying to him, naturally.

[maineak1]

If you want to stay in this relationship, which I wouldnt recommend, but if you do, then your bf has to set some boundaries. The thing with BM's is that they want to feel like that are in control. If they are still in love with the man then they also want to still have a connection with them. Whether it is positive or negative, any connection is better than no connection in their eyes. So, what your bf needs to do is set some boundaries and if he wants to be with you, he needs to include your input in those boundaries. My husband has his BM to just text him only. He did this because every time she gets on the phone with him she starts an argument and curses him out. She also tells the police that we are harassing her. So in order to keep contact at a minimum, she is only allowed to text if their is an emergency. So by taking that control from her, she has now started to cooperate better, not the way she should, but better than she did. So boundaries have to be set and your bf has to be the one to stand up and be a man and set those boundaries. If he loves you he will do it. He is not a single man and has to take your feelings into consideration. But, if I were you I would leave him alone, at least until he gets a divorce.

[lark]

When are you going to leave this loser?
Before or after he makes baby #2 with the BM?

[caderona]

You had me until you mentioned the part about him still being still married but when he said he slept with his wife you completely lost me. Are you serious? You deserve better than this, way better. But if you continue to be the doormat in this situation maybe you do not. Do better, it is not a good look at all.

[jaylady999]

You would have done better naming this thread the Crazy Wife because that is what she STILL is. And quite frankly, there is no such thing as a crazy wife when it comes to him starting relationships with other women. She's his wife and no matter how separated he claims they are, they are still married. Take it from a wife, as long as she is still married to him, she will always be priority in the eyes of the law as it relates to his life and his death. You are getting played.

[sandychristine]

From what my soon to be X boyfriend tells me "having sex with the BM is ok because it is nothing new and to get over it" anyway we got into a major fight, broke up for a few days. He came back home and told me nothing happened this time he swears! He now has baby number 3 on the way. I just found out that she is three months along. God I am 39 years old and feel as if I am in a teenage relationship. I have a 21, 17, snd 14 year old. My two grandchildren will be older than his two youngest children. How stupid is that. Time to move on..... better off being alone than with all the stress of babies and their momma's.... JUST SAYING!