Post by cloudy752001 on Mar 14, 2008 9:12:55 GMT -5
I have been TALKING (it's more to it, but that's all I can say because of the situation at hand) to my friend for almost four years. He has an 8 year old with his BM. You would think that since they have been parents of this child for 8 YEARS now, the constant bickering would have stopped by now. Every year since I have known him, it's been the same thing. At the beginning of the year, they're fighting over who will claim him on their taxes, in the middle of the year they're fighting about how they will spend his birthday, then Christmas (don't get me started!)
In between, the BM makes surprised visits (sometimes without the child) to my friends home and asks if he can take her to get something to eat and he is afraid that if he tells her anything
negative, that she will not let him see his child. When I say something to him about not wanting to be involved with someone who entertains his BM in this manner, he gets on the defensive and says "What you don't like my child?" He knows that is not what I am implying but he tries me to see if I will hush up about the situation (which I don't.) He goes on to say that I don't have children, so I wouldn't understand.
What these men and women (or baby daddies/mamas) do not realize is that when they choose to date others (especially childless people, ) that NO, we're not used to dealing with the dramas of BM or bd, but we are human. We possess feelings as well as the child.
When you have a child from a previous relationship where you split up, that leaves the child (ex. 3-2=1.) BM need to realize that just because you have this man's child does not give you entitlement. You are a single mom. Single means "one." When your bd gets in a new relationship, he cannot spend time with you A-N-Y-M-O-R-E. It's about he child.
I know in some cases (like mine,) the man wants to entertain the the BM. That's why after 4 years, he still remain a friend and nothing else to ME. He wants more, but I can't give myself to a stupid bd with a stupid BM. If anyone is with a bd and has to even argue about the BM, get out while you can because if you are arguing about her, it will not stop. A man who is about taking care of his children ONLY, will never let you hear about any drama he is going through with his BM. His time would be focused on YOU and his CHILDREN.
Why is it that when a woman who is a BM, but has a good relationship with a good man, not concerned with the bd. But a bd (baby daddy for those who haven't caught on yet) with a good relationship with a good woman, so worried about what his BM is doing?
In between, the BM makes surprised visits (sometimes without the child) to my friends home and asks if he can take her to get something to eat and he is afraid that if he tells her anything
negative, that she will not let him see his child. When I say something to him about not wanting to be involved with someone who entertains his BM in this manner, he gets on the defensive and says "What you don't like my child?" He knows that is not what I am implying but he tries me to see if I will hush up about the situation (which I don't.) He goes on to say that I don't have children, so I wouldn't understand.
What these men and women (or baby daddies/mamas) do not realize is that when they choose to date others (especially childless people, ) that NO, we're not used to dealing with the dramas of BM or bd, but we are human. We possess feelings as well as the child.
When you have a child from a previous relationship where you split up, that leaves the child (ex. 3-2=1.) BM need to realize that just because you have this man's child does not give you entitlement. You are a single mom. Single means "one." When your bd gets in a new relationship, he cannot spend time with you A-N-Y-M-O-R-E. It's about he child.
I know in some cases (like mine,) the man wants to entertain the the BM. That's why after 4 years, he still remain a friend and nothing else to ME. He wants more, but I can't give myself to a stupid bd with a stupid BM. If anyone is with a bd and has to even argue about the BM, get out while you can because if you are arguing about her, it will not stop. A man who is about taking care of his children ONLY, will never let you hear about any drama he is going through with his BM. His time would be focused on YOU and his CHILDREN.
Why is it that when a woman who is a BM, but has a good relationship with a good man, not concerned with the bd. But a bd (baby daddy for those who haven't caught on yet) with a good relationship with a good woman, so worried about what his BM is doing?