GODKIDS!!!

[homeowner1]

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and married (same sex couple) for 6 months. I have a 20 year old daughter who doesn't live with me. My wife has 2 godsons ages 13 and 14. They are good kids in terms of mannerism. They have a really close relationship with my wife and she spoils them beyond belief. Neither one of them is doing good in school and the youngest likes to text my wife using curse words like F you when he's upset about something. They normally like to visit us during the weekends and when they come they act as if it THEIR main residence. They don't clean up after themselves and EVERYTIME ( it hasn't been 1 time since I've been there) they come over they damage something and I'm not talking about something like a glass. They wrestle and scrap paint off the wall( which happened 2 weeks after we had the house painted), they don't clean up after themselves, I find myself constantly telling then too, they spilled juice on our microfiber couch which is going to satin forever and I didn't notice it until they had gone home. My wife knew all about it and said nothing-and when I asked the 3 of them it no one confessed up to it. When they want to go by the mall or something my wife ends up spending wayyy more than we agree on. The budget is normally $60 each but she normally spends $ 250-300 ( because they wanted shoes and clothes)!!! I feel as if I'm at my wits end with them. My wife says she only does it because she doesn't have any kids and like to spoil them. It wouldn't be a big issue if the boys showed more respect when they come to the house AND their school grades are in the crapper. My question is how do I get my wife to see that she's not making the situation better by giving in to their every request of gifts and visits when they don't listen to anything I say. I should also add that I asked her NOT to spend another dime on them if their attitudes doesn't change but it never happens AND I don't want to keep complaining and come off as if I don't the kids around. All I'm asking for is when they come over to keep my house looking the way it was when they first entered. What should I do??

[homeowner1]

And i forgot to mention we live paycheck to paycheck. The kids mom NEVER give them money when they come over and NEVER brings them here or pick them up. We live abt 45u mins from them.

[jaylady999]

Oooh this is tricky. Your hands are seemingly just about tied here. I mean, I'd keep talking to her to get her to see things your way and I definitely agree with you, by the way. They seem to feel as if they are entitled and your wife has a hand in having made this feel this way. It's like she has created monsters

I would see if you could set down some ground rules of your own, after all it is your home too, right? I have house rules for ANY kids that come into my home, godkids, nieces, nephews, stepkids, and my own kid.

*sigh*

[Katie]

Well, if your money is combined, you should put your foot down for your set budgets because it affects you too. You can't go broke over children that are not yours. As far as the bad grades and breaking stuff, she needs to know that they don't get rewarded for bad behavior. It also seems like they are knowingly taking advantage of her. It couldn't be me because I would confront all of them with a ultimatum OR make them play outside/park. If you keep taking it, you're proving to be passive and you'll be sure to have more MAJOR relationship problems. You're supposed to come before them. That's just me.