|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 14, 2013 10:14:47 GMT -5
I agree. And for the life of me I don't understand how these BMs are even allowed access to the GF/wife. Couldn't be me. If she and I have not procreated together, we really don't have anything to talk about. There is no rule that says that the BM and new chick must be friends, or even cordial for that matter. No communication, no contact is about the most guaranteed peaceful outcome to these types of situations. I just don't see why all that communication is even necessary. It just seems to not only invite drama into the situation, but also welcome it in with open arms. I'll pass. Preach Sis!!! I don't get it either. Everyone is on Facebook together and this one is calling that one. Like really? Why is that even happening? I get the impression, especially from some of the younger posters, that they feel like they have to for the "sake of the child" or that they just plain desire to have a relationship with the BM, when they do not have to. The actions of some of these "men" are baffling as well. But for heaven's sake, just leave it alone. No contact at all with the BM. |
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 14, 2013 11:57:45 GMT -5
Yep. Truth. I think they feel like it just goes with the territory of being in a relationship with this man, to be in communication with the BM. NO IT DOESN'T. As a BM, I am not even interested in meeting whoever it is that BD may be dating. I really don't care all that much. Does that make me a bad mother to not know who BD has around my child?? Nope. It makes him a good father, in that I trust him 100% to not bring anyone around him who could bring harm to my son. I am good enough with that. He's 15 now, so really the point is moot. But I felt the same way from the time he was 6 months old, which was when we split up. It's never been an issue for me. BD has dated his share of women and a few too many of them could not understand why I had no interest in forming a relationship with them. For what? I have a coparenting relationship with BD. I'd say that is enough. I won't lie and say I've never met any of them, but when that happened, it was just a "same place at the same time" coincidence and it was never to scope out who would be around my son. The GF he has now? LOVE HER. She's genuine, she is not pushy, and she cared as much about meeting me as I did her. But when we did meet? It was great. I think she had been dating BD more than a year at that time. We get along great. I dont see her often, but when we do get together by happenstance, we can share a thingytail and talk about girl things that really have nothing to do with neither BD or my son. I dont do drama. I dont even entertain it. I think some BMs like drama. But I also think some of these new GFs/wives like it too and that's pretty sad.  |
|
|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 14, 2013 19:42:48 GMT -5
Yep. Truth. I think they feel like it just goes with the territory of being in a relationship with this man, to be in communication with the BM. NO IT DOESN'T. As a BM, I am not even interested in meeting whoever it is that BD may be dating. I really don't care all that much. Does that make me a bad mother to not know who BD has around my child?? Nope. It makes him a good father, in that I trust him 100% to not bring anyone around him who could bring harm to my son. I am good enough with that. He's 15 now, so really the point is moot. But I felt the same way from the time he was 6 months old, which was when we split up. It's never been an issue for me. BD has dated his share of women and a few too many of them could not understand why I had no interest in forming a relationship with them. For what? I have a coparenting relationship with BD. I'd say that is enough. I won't lie and say I've never met any of them, but when that happened, it was just a "same place at the same time" coincidence and it was never to scope out who would be around my son. The GF he has now? LOVE HER. She's genuine, she is not pushy, and she cared as much about meeting me as I did her. But when we did meet? It was great. I think she had been dating BD more than a year at that time. We get along great. I dont see her often, but when we do get together by happenstance, we can share a thingytail and talk about girl things that really have nothing to do with neither BD or my son. I dont do drama. I dont even entertain it. I think some BMs like drama. But I also think some of these new GFs/wives like it too and that's pretty sad. Totally agree with your post and the first statement is what I was trying to say. You encapsulated that precisely. I am sure many do disagree with us as it relates to meeting the new woman. Not that wanting to know who is around a woman's child is a bad thing, but I find overwhelmingly that it is used as a guise to check out the new woman and other reasons that are more disingenuous. That's cool that you and your son's father's girlfriend like each other and have girlie conversations. Nothing wrong with that as it seems to have rather happened organically. I am with you as it relates to the not doing drama. Unfortunately, many people love that stuff and must think that equates to having a life or something. I don't know. Ridiculous. I honestly don't know what some posters want advice on. |
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 15, 2013 19:10:03 GMT -5
One blanket statement should cover it..... If you are dealing with a man who doesn't have control over the situation with the BM, there will be issues. Either be willing to deal with the drama or leave him alone. It's as simple as that.  |
|
|
|
Post by I SAID SO on Aug 23, 2013 14:46:38 GMT -5
Hello. I'm new to this site and I want to explain the situation. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and I knew coming in that he had a son. I love kids so I didn't mind. He has full custody temporarily and warned me in the beginning that BM was an awful person who would lie to me and try to ruin what we have. She is married and just had another baby so I didn't see why she would need to mess with our relationship. I was so wrong. I met her and she seemed alright. I wasn't going to try to be her friend but I wanted to be civil for him and his son. A few months in and she started. She told me that they were still married and that he was abusive and cheated all the time and that he lied and said she did drugs and that's how he stole her son because he didn't want to pay child support. But a judge wouldn't give the father custody if he didn't have a good reason to. It has been awful ever since. She is always making rude comments about me to my fiancé and on FB..never to my face..BUT she will have their 4 year old son come home and tell me things that he shouldn't even be involved with. We are fighting for permanent full custody and it has been an ugly fight. She just gets to me. I'm 22 years old and this is all new to me but I love my fiancé and his son so much and I could never let her come between us. They are who I want and I just want to hear from those that have been in similar situations. She has been in and out of jail, has used their child to hurt him, chose drugs over their child.. Just so many things that a mother shouldn't do. She is so confident that she's going to get custody. I just don't know. Where have I heard all of this before? *yawn* Oh yeah, this site is full of the same types of posts/comments. If you read the already many redundant threads/posts, you will be provided with some perspectives and insight. okay, that was b*tchy! The site IS CALLED BABY MAMA DRAMA, DUH! What the H3LL else do you think people are supposed to post about, LMAO! Get outta here with your negative responses if you are TIRED OF THE MAIN FOCUS! Obviously! |
|
|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 25, 2013 17:31:05 GMT -5
Where have I heard all of this before? *yawn* Oh yeah, this site is full of the same types of posts/comments. If you read the already many redundant threads/posts, you will be provided with some perspectives and insight. okay, that was b*tchy! The site IS CALLED BABY MAMA DRAMA, DUH! What the H3LL else do you think people are supposed to post about, LMAO! Get outta here with your negative responses if you are TIRED OF THE MAIN FOCUS! Obviously! That was b*tchy? Okay, yeah.........I don't hold hands much and sing Kumbaya. Funny though, but did you offer anything to that poster as opposed to being preoccupied with your characterization of my post, whoever you may be behind your "guest" status  ? In any event, I know the name of the site dear and your little remedial rant doesn't negate what I said in my response, just pretty much bored me. I can tell you are involved in a whole lot of drama. You clearly cannot see how pitiful some of these posters come across, because you are drowning in the kool-aid yourself. Toodles. |
|
|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 25, 2013 17:32:08 GMT -5
One blanket statement should cover it..... If you are dealing with a man who doesn't have control over the situation with the BM, there will be issues. Either be willing to deal with the drama or leave him alone. It's as simple as that. Booyah!!!! |
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 25, 2013 20:45:07 GMT -5
I guess you think it is productive to sit around and complain about BM, when the real issue in almost every situation I've read here lately stems from SM/GF being way too far up in their man's dealing with the woman HE had children with. There is no way I'd ever let my DHs problems with BM become MY problem. I'll pass.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 25, 2013 20:46:14 GMT -5
Yep.
|
|
|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 25, 2013 22:33:02 GMT -5
I guess you think it is productive to sit around and complain about BM, when the real issue in almost every situation I've read here lately stems from SM/GF being way too far up in their man's dealing with the woman HE had children with. There is no way I'd ever let my DHs problems with BM become MY problem. I'll pass. Ha, ha and you are a wife. How about all of those knee-deep in with boyfriends? Get out of here with that.
Girl, it must just be us. So true regarding the part some of these SM/GF's play. More of that is coming to light. You present perspectives from both sides. I really just don't know what more people want. You succinctly laid out the options in your earlier post. Trying to create a "support group" or elicit amens from the church choir, for self-induced problems, sounds a little contradictory or illogical to me. |
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 26, 2013 6:05:39 GMT -5
It is very illogical. I believe in discussing problems AND solutions, not just sitting around dogging out BMs. Most of the problem a SM/GF has isn't even with the BM, it is with her man. But she too busy worrying about the BM to even see that.
And yep, I am a BM and a SM. As a BM, I dont play the games that I will admit a lot of BM do play. I dont do drama. But even more importantly as it relates to this board, as a SM, I have never entertained BM in my sitch, I've always been fine letting DH deal with that. And he does deal with it, which makes life easier for himself.
However, if he didnt, then my problem would be with him, not with her. The problem with most of these posts here lately is that the issue is not with the BM. And these ladies just dont see that. So you will get recurring posts asking the same question: what do I do about BM? And clearly from both me and you, Truth, they are going to get the same answer: Nothing. Leave BM alone and go deal with your man and if he hasn't figured out a way to handle his sitch with BM, then you need to make the decision that is best for you. The end.
|
|
|
|
Post by I SAID SO on Aug 26, 2013 12:27:45 GMT -5
okay....if you women who are so baby mama drama free, then why come to this forum only to DOWN GRADE these women (who are lost in their situations) with your smart allic remarks? Move along with all that! Just bc you have been on this site for YEARS on end with nothing better to do, And are tired of reading the same BABY MAMA DRAMA doesn’t mean you need to comment with your rude and negative remarks, period. If you arent here to help people with an open hand and kind words than get a life outside of this site. You silly b*tches are a joke. This is probably the ONLY place you can come and feel as if you are superior to anyone and the only reason you feel that way is bc you have YEARS of practice with this mess. BABY MAMA DRAMA is CLEARLY an issue in your life or at least a high concern bc JAYLADY, I know you FOR SURE have been on this site FOR AT LEAST A DECADE, if it doesn’t matter or concern you find a BETTER HOBBY! LMAOOOOO
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Aug 26, 2013 15:51:40 GMT -5
okay....if you women who are so baby mama drama free, then why come to this forum only to DOWN GRADE these women (who are lost in their situations) with your smart allic remarks? Move along with all that! Just bc you have been on this site for YEARS on end with nothing better to do, And are tired of reading the same BABY MAMA DRAMA doesn’t mean you need to comment with your rude and negative remarks, period.
Actually, years ago, this site was about way more than dogging out BMs. We shared a lot of active ideas and we helped one another through some tough times. There were women here who had built friendships in other areas on the web(FB, etc) and we still keep in contact. It was not at all a b*tch session about how ignorant BMs are. We actually offered healthy advice for ourselves as SMs. In other words, at the end of the day, it was our goal to not focus on BM and focus on ourselves and on the men who we are in relationships with.
Lately though, it seems as if those who come here to post their issues don't want solutions, they just want a place to gripe their moans and groans because clearly their man isn't listening.
If you arent here to help people with an open hand and kind words than get a life outside of this site.
Yeah, kind words, hand holding, kumbaya. Miss me with that. Be a grown woman and put your big girl panties on and instead of taking offense, read the words that are being written. Or continue on letting the BM in your(general you) life make your miserable.
You silly b*tches are a joke. This is probably the ONLY place you can come and feel as if you are superior to anyone and the only reason you feel that way is bc you have YEARS of practice with this mess. BABY MAMA DRAMA is CLEARLY an issue in your life or at least a high concern bc JAYLADY, I know you FOR SURE have been on this site FOR AT LEAST A DECADE, if it doesn’t matter or concern you find a BETTER HOBBY! LMAOOOOO
LOL, feel better now? Great. First of all, I ended up on this site trying to get material for a book I was writing years ago. However, I met some wonderful ladies back then and became online friends with them and the rest is history. BM is not an issue in my life. But she was way back when. Even before I found this site. She is not now and hasn't been for a good 8 or 9 years. Why? Because I stopped allowing her to be my problem. You should probably try it. Or would you rather try to take shots at me because it makes you feel better?
My skin is some of the thickest you'll ever find, so I sincerely hope you don't think you are getting under it. You're not. Not that serious. Either way, when you get done with your temper tantrum, you will log off and still have BM issues. You are not here looking for solid advice. You are looking for someone to coddle your boo boo of an insane BM. Good luck with that!!! ;D
By the way, I have been in this forum since about 2008 or so. So it is impossible for you to know for sure (as you say) that I've been here for at least a decade. I haven't.
But even if I had...so what?
|
|
|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 26, 2013 16:55:57 GMT -5
It is very illogical. I believe in discussing problems AND solutions, not just sitting around dogging out BMs. Most of the problem a SM/GF has isn't even with the BM, it is with her man. But she too busy worrying about the BM to even see that. And yep, I am a BM and a SM. As a BM, I dont play the games that I will admit a lot of BM do play. I dont do drama. But even more importantly as it relates to this board, as a SM, I have never entertained BM in my sitch, I've always been fine letting DH deal with that. And he does deal with it, which makes life easier for himself. However, if he didnt, then my problem would be with him, not with her. The problem with most of these posts here lately is that the issue is not with the BM. And these ladies just dont see that. So you will get recurring posts asking the same question: what do I do about BM? And clearly from both me and you, Truth, they are going to get the same answer: Nothing. Leave BM alone and go deal with your man and if he hasn't figured out a way to handle his sitch with BM, then you need to make the decision that is best for you. The end.Plus 1. Great post! Hopefully, with time and the maturation process taking place, these women will come to understand that they do not need to absorb their man's problems when dealing with this particular issue and any man that allows it, is very questionable. Trust, getting all involved and deep with the person or people that your man has a child or children with and all up in the battles between them does not make you a "good woman" nor is it obligatory. |
|
|
|
Post by truthbtold on Aug 26, 2013 17:10:52 GMT -5
okay....if you women who are so baby mama drama free, then why come to this forum only to DOWN GRADE these women (who are lost in their situations) with your smart allic remarks? Move along with all that! Just bc you have been on this site for YEARS on end with nothing better to do, And are tired of reading the same BABY MAMA DRAMA doesn’t mean you need to comment with your rude and negative remarks, period. If you arent here to help people with an open hand and kind words than get a life outside of this site. You silly b*tches are a joke. This is probably the ONLY place you can come and feel as if you are superior to anyone and the only reason you feel that way is bc you have YEARS of practice with this mess. BABY MAMA DRAMA is CLEARLY an issue in your life or at least a high concern bc JAYLADY, I know you FOR SURE have been on this site FOR AT LEAST A DECADE, if it doesn’t matter or concern you find a BETTER HOBBY! LMAOOOOO *sigh* Silly b*itches? Really? Was it this, the 8th grade? First, it is smart aleck or alec, not allic. You really just don't get it, do you? You do not know my situation and trust I am baby mama drama free, but again that has nothing to do with has been said. Myself and jaylady (she has both perspectives) and a few others have given advice and insight if you would just take the time to read and comprehend, most importantly. Be my guest if you want to continue assisting in the "victimization" of these women because it suits you as you lurk the forums. Again, you are nothing but hot air because I yet to see you offer any advice to your sister circle. Open hand and kind words? LOL. You sound so goofy. I will reserve that for real support groups like cancer, etc. You like drama and you are just upset that we are not responding the way you like, with the "kind words and open hand" LOL. Stop trying to be the forum police. You clearly lack the ability to engage in a discussion but instead resort to silly conjecture and ad hominem attacks, that actually falls flat. Now run along as I am sure you have someone's baby daddy to call. Bye bye. |
|
? In any event, I know the name of the site dear and your little remedial rant doesn't negate what I said in my response, just pretty much bored me. I can tell you are involved in a whole lot of drama. You clearly cannot see how pitiful some of these posters come across, because you are drowning in the kool-aid yourself. Toodles.