Should we ever call the BM?

[Krissy]

My husband's BM somehow gets information about our business from other people who know us, probably his interfering family. Three times, she called him asking him about details of things she HEARD about his job, our upcoming child AND my job status. He always say to her, "That's none of you business". Yet, she keeps asking questions. The other day she called and asked when he was going to tell his daughter the secret about the sex of our new baby because she heard three weeks prior that it was a boy. He hung up in her face. I got furious and called her. I told her that i didn't care where she got her info from, don't call my husband anymore to ask him ANYTHING else about our business. I told her to keep the convo's about money and needs and keep what she heard about us to herself or I would deal with her further. Now, I could be mean because we've caught her in lies where DCS should've been involved. Should I have done that? My husband wasn't mad... It's just that, sometimes, men don't know how to handle situations fast enough. Me? I don't like anyone in my business and getting involved will get you in a world of trouble with me. Shoul I have done this?

[dolphinfrk]

I go thru the same thing with my husbands bm. After a while of hanging up on her and slamming the door in her face she has kind of learned. But she is still trying to get answers. It gets old and frustrating but you just have to keep it up. Don't answer her or acknowledge the topics she brings up that has nothing to do with her. We had to test family and friends to see who was our "mole". Hopefully for you it's not your monster in law like it was for us!

[jaylady999]

You couldn't pay me to EVER call BM. Never. I don't care what is going on.

[carteblanche]

It was probably well deserved so don't I blame you. I had to completely come undone on BM before and called her every name but the child of god. BM did stopped calling directly, but she got sneakier by telling his mom that I cursed her out and putting MIL to ask for things and do her dirty deeds, but once we got MIL straight, in which that took awhile. We were cool. You will find that BM likes attention be it good or bad. So my advise would be not to entertain ignorance so don't call! Step over *ish not in it..

[adivineoriginal]

I think there are rare and I mean very very rare times where things have gotten so out of control that approaching the BM and establishing boundaries or getting an understanding is necessary. Yes, I agree that most men do not handle things accordingly. I think for the most part, women set-up boundaries and shut stuff down quicker. I most say that your husband responded pretty forcefully, all things considered. I am not sure if he is just inconsistent or what. Her behavior is ridiculous and embarrassing. She really needs to get a life. You also have the problem of his interfering family or others engaging her in conversation about you guys. Maybe you guys can talk to them about that and hopefully, as they should without even having to be told, will respect it. Unfortunately, we cannot stop people from running their mouths, but you and her husband can stop her from coming directly to y'all asking personal questions that's absolutely none of her business.

[recondite]

My first thing would be to discuss with DH how we can keep his family from meddling. My MIL has a relationship with BM in our case and this became a HUGE problem because DH would talk to MIL about situations in confidence and MIL would go back and tell BM. We solved the problem by DH explaining to his mother that he would not talk to her about anything involving our household if she continued to relay that information to BM. After a while of him not discussing things with her she stopped.

It may just come to a point where DH will have to withhold information from his family unless they can respect your household.

[jaylady999]

It may just come to a point where DH will have to withhold information from his family unless they can respect your household.

Pretty much.