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Post by confused1 on Oct 30, 2012 5:14:24 GMT -5
So I am engaged to a great guy but he has a crazy BM. She has put him through hell from day one of this baby being born. Here it is 1 yr later and she is still doing it! Only now it is beginning to affect our relationship much worse than before. She dangles the baby in front of him as a weapon if he doesn't do this she will keep him from her. Crazy thing is he is on child support and has visitation but some days when BM sees fit she will say no you cant come get her. She stalks our every move she knows way too much personal information about me and our relationship. It took us nearly falling apart for him to realize what was going on and he is trying to fix it. But now I am just angry about it all the time and I feel like the outsider. I have stood by him when she kept his child from him, when he cried, when he didn't know what to do! I still stay by him helping him with her taking care of her and loving her as my own child and yet I still feel like an outsider. Is this normal? Will I always feel like this? Will I always be so angry? I am totally lost and confused about what to do......Help me please
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Post by recondite on Oct 30, 2012 11:03:27 GMT -5
So I am engaged to a great guy but he has a crazy BM. She has put him through hell from day one of this baby being born. Here it is 1 yr later and she is still doing it!
Speaking from experience, if a person has been the same way for over a year do not expect for it to change anytime soon. If she was crazy from the beginning expect that for at least the next 17 years she will be the same way which, in my opinion, will help you in dealing with her.
Crazy thing is he is on child support and has visitation but some days when BM sees fit she will say no you cant come get her. She stalks our every move she knows way too much personal information about me and our relationship.
If he has court appointed visitation and she refuses you MUST keep record and report every incident. It can be an arduous process, but it is completely necessary in proving that she is not adhering to the courts orders.
She stalks our every move she knows way too much personal information about me and our relationship. It took us nearly falling apart for him to realize what was going on and he is trying to fix it.
The only way she can know any information is that someone has to be telling her. If your fiance is the one relaying information to her that is something you have to take up with him and you can't really blame her for using the information against you if he is supplying her with the ammo.
But now I am just angry about it all the time and I feel like the outsider. I have stood by him when she kept his child from him, when he cried, when he didn't know what to do! I still stay by him helping him with her taking care of her and loving her as my own child and yet I still feel like an outsider.
First figure out what is it exactly that makes you feel like an outsider. If it is something of your own conjuring then you must work out these problems. If not, this is something you need to discuss with your fiance. You should communicate your feelings to him and he should care enough to address the issues and attempt to find a resolution.
Is this normal? Will I always feel like this? Will I always be so angry? I am totally lost and confused about what to do......Help me please
No one can answer these questions for you as each situation is unique and must be dealt with on an individual basis. From my personal struggles with BM drama I would just say that if it becomes unbearable where you find yourself so lost that you cannot function normally you may want to consider giving yourself a break from the situation completely until you can clear your mind and make a rational decision based on what is best for you and not your emotional attachment to him and his child.
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Post by jaylady999 on Dec 2, 2012 14:20:54 GMT -5
will help you in dealing with her.
Or even better, not dealing with her at all.
If your fiance is the one relaying information to her that is something you have to take up with him and you can't really blame her for using the information against you if he is supplying her with the ammo.
Totally agree.
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