Post by dreads19 on May 15, 2013 10:06:20 GMT -5
First time....hi everyone, some advice is needed.
I've been with this guy for 2yrs. He has 3 kids all by the same woman; 2 girls (9 & 8) 1 boy (6)....I know, they were very busy. Going into it, I knew things would be difficult but under no circumstance would I deal with BM drama. In the beginning, he basically led 2 separate lives (one with me, then every weekend with his kids) as we wanted to ensure things developed between us before introducing me to the kids.
Fast forward, I've met the kids, we all get along great, have outings etc. There are times when he invites me and I decline as I still want them to have that alone time with him as they did before I came along. To me, I think I am very understanding to his situation, in knowing that I won't be his priority most of the times, things will come up where our plans go awry etc. However, I now feel like he takes advantage of me being so understanding/relaxed. Despite what he says about her, there are times that I know she doesn't wait till last minute to make a change in drop off/pick up yet he will wait till the last minute to inform me of such changes knowing that we had plans and tell me that she just asked him to pick them and of course I'm not going to let him choose between me and his children.
I never speak ill of his BM, mother to his kids that I adore, as she will always be in his life. Can't say the same for her. I'm assuming that the children talk about me to her, let her know what we did but now she is grilling them for info on what I do when I'm with them, so much so that the 8yr old has come to me crying asking what to tell her mom. I told her not to lie, tell her exactly what we did. It has now progressed from grilling them for info to asking them to take pics of me whether I approve or not, talking badly about me to them, telling them how much easier it would be if her and their dad were still together and since she doesn't know me, I'm dangerous. All of which, the children themselves tell me.
Before all this transpired I was more than happy to meet her so she could know who is around her kids as I placed myself in her shoes but now with all the extra and immaturity I'm no longer ready to meet her. Not only this, my boyfriend has allowed all this to continue and refuses to say anything to her. He will reprimand the kids but not her. I've told him that the issue is not with the kids, that's their mom and they will always do as she says as their loyalty lies with her despite the relationship I have with them.
He is afraid of her taking away the kids as she's done in the past whenever she is upset but there is a court order and he has never missed child support. I do not want them to argue, in fact I encourage him to have a better relationship with her for the kids and in the long run to minimize the BS in our relationship yet he refuses to put this woman in her place.
I am growing tired of her disrespect and him allowing her to do so. I love him endlessly and outside of this, our relationship is great with the normal ups and downs but things can no longer progress (he always talks about marrying me) as it will only get worse. May I add that this woman is with someone else. Please advise me on what to do or how else to handle this. Sorry for rambling, it's my first time, I'll get better.
I've been with this guy for 2yrs. He has 3 kids all by the same woman; 2 girls (9 & 8) 1 boy (6)....I know, they were very busy. Going into it, I knew things would be difficult but under no circumstance would I deal with BM drama. In the beginning, he basically led 2 separate lives (one with me, then every weekend with his kids) as we wanted to ensure things developed between us before introducing me to the kids.
Fast forward, I've met the kids, we all get along great, have outings etc. There are times when he invites me and I decline as I still want them to have that alone time with him as they did before I came along. To me, I think I am very understanding to his situation, in knowing that I won't be his priority most of the times, things will come up where our plans go awry etc. However, I now feel like he takes advantage of me being so understanding/relaxed. Despite what he says about her, there are times that I know she doesn't wait till last minute to make a change in drop off/pick up yet he will wait till the last minute to inform me of such changes knowing that we had plans and tell me that she just asked him to pick them and of course I'm not going to let him choose between me and his children.
I never speak ill of his BM, mother to his kids that I adore, as she will always be in his life. Can't say the same for her. I'm assuming that the children talk about me to her, let her know what we did but now she is grilling them for info on what I do when I'm with them, so much so that the 8yr old has come to me crying asking what to tell her mom. I told her not to lie, tell her exactly what we did. It has now progressed from grilling them for info to asking them to take pics of me whether I approve or not, talking badly about me to them, telling them how much easier it would be if her and their dad were still together and since she doesn't know me, I'm dangerous. All of which, the children themselves tell me.
Before all this transpired I was more than happy to meet her so she could know who is around her kids as I placed myself in her shoes but now with all the extra and immaturity I'm no longer ready to meet her. Not only this, my boyfriend has allowed all this to continue and refuses to say anything to her. He will reprimand the kids but not her. I've told him that the issue is not with the kids, that's their mom and they will always do as she says as their loyalty lies with her despite the relationship I have with them.
He is afraid of her taking away the kids as she's done in the past whenever she is upset but there is a court order and he has never missed child support. I do not want them to argue, in fact I encourage him to have a better relationship with her for the kids and in the long run to minimize the BS in our relationship yet he refuses to put this woman in her place.
I am growing tired of her disrespect and him allowing her to do so. I love him endlessly and outside of this, our relationship is great with the normal ups and downs but things can no longer progress (he always talks about marrying me) as it will only get worse. May I add that this woman is with someone else. Please advise me on what to do or how else to handle this. Sorry for rambling, it's my first time, I'll get better.