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Post by Keia1 on May 5, 2008 17:55:19 GMT -5
They say hindsight is 20/20, i have realized that me and BD were not even close to being compatable. Sometimes you get in a situation and sex or money has you blinded to who or what a person really is. By the time your vision clears you have a child or 2 by someone totally unecessary in your life. The smart thing to do is get their azz out. Because if their not compatable to you they will only try to bring you down. Now I see why the bible says "do not be unequally yoked." Meaning you need to only pursue relationships with people who are equal to you or better. If they are beneath you they will secretly depise you and try to bring you down............hence BM/BD drama. It's just a bunch of bitter men or women mad because you have reclaimed your life and decided you can do without their azz. Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon with their BD or BM?
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Post by cantlogin on May 5, 2008 20:07:20 GMT -5
I don't have a BM but I can speak in the case of my DH's BM. I don't believe that BM & DH were not compatible. They were both rather young when SD was conceived. DH was young & wanted some easy you know what. BM was young & thought that if she could give him a baby, he would get back into a relationship with her...Having sex does not mean being in a relationship.
Except in the case of a marriage that ends in divorce, I think a lot of BM/BD drama is caused by people making bad decisions & not thinking about the consequences. Men & women having unprotected sex and not thinking what might result from it. In some cases, neither the man nor the woman are ready or mature enough to become parents. Children are a lot of responsibility. Some men get scared with the thought of becoming parents & walk away.
I know a man who has 5 children by 5 different BMs. This man has been honest with each woman & informed her that he did not want to be in a relationship. Each time the woman has become pregnant & he has walked away. But, the woman with whom he fell in love with (and stayed with for 4 years before she dumped him) never had ANY children by him. She said that she was not ready for a child & she knew that he was not ready to be a dad.
I am not placing the responsibility TOTALLY on the woman to not get pregnant but I feel that women share more of a responsibility because it is HER life that changes the most when children are born. The man can walk away & continue to make children with this one & that one. The woman (who usually has custody) has to worry about babysitters, paying child care, etc.
If women & young girls would think about how drastically having a child will change their lives, we would see a lot less BM/BD drama. IMO.
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Post by downazzchick on May 5, 2008 20:37:05 GMT -5
cantlogin, you are definately right about most of the responsibiltiy being on the woman, and she should definately take precautions if she does not want to get pregnant. However i do feel that both parents are responsible reguarless of what the situation is. If it was an accident both are at fault. The father can take custody the same as the mother can. The term "walk away" in your post reveals the immature nature of the man and his eagerness to runaway when the nuts hits the fan. I wish there were more men who stick around and take the time to experience the wonderful beings that are set forth on this earth. So many children are abandoned for so many reasons. I could see if the father is deceased, disabled, mentally incompetant, but some of these men are able to be fathers, but choose not to be. It just pisses me off how they feel that they can avoid responsibiliy and dump the children off on the BM. I'm quite sure not any baby mama signed up to take care of a child on her own. It just kinda happened that way.
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Post by keia1 on May 5, 2008 20:57:17 GMT -5
That man is obviously not a man......he is a boy he has never grown up and probably never will. I heard on the radio Karl Malone fathered a child at 19 by a 13 year old. Never supported the child. Now he was selected for the NFL draft, look at Shaq he was successful without his dad, Kimora Lee Simmons is a product of a single parent home. Single parents are doing it BIG..........when God shows you someone is incompatable for you...he will show you or he will allow circumstances to show you that just means he has something better in store. However I agree with you downazz it both parents responsibility. The woman can turn those kids over to the foster system at any time.......she chooses to take on the responsibility because SHE loves her kids. Sorry to say but God looks down on irresponsible and absent fathers and they will not go unpunished.
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Post by destini1969 on May 6, 2008 13:43:52 GMT -5
Even though the responsibility lies with both parents, it is more common for the woman to raise the child. Women, because it's our bodies and our lives being drastically change we need to think a little smarter than what we have. We sometimes have a false since of what love is, believing in the fairy tales. When my daugher was young I REFUSED to allow her to pattern her room, etc after Cinderella, Santa Claus, Fairy Princess, Snow White. Little girls are impressionable and believe there is a knight and shining armor that will sweep them away. Early on, we get a false since of what LOVE truly is and by the time we're in our tweens, teens and early adulthood, we're already f*cked up and giving the man hell because he doesn't do certain things like the fairy tales instructed. (OK, MY SOAP BOX)
To get back on point, women hold the most of the responsibility but men should understand what they're laying with and because it looks good, doesn't mean it will be good for you or to you!
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Post by awsomalx on May 6, 2008 13:51:25 GMT -5
but men should understand what they're laying with and because it looks good, doesn't mean it will be good for you or to you! Easily said when you don't possess a thingy. Plus, crazy doesn't always display itself in the forefront. Sure, part of the issue can be solved in getting to know people a bit better but no guarantee there either (though time helps). |
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Post by awsomalx on May 6, 2008 13:52:48 GMT -5
And the forum changed P*E*N*I*S to "thingy"...............Darn, they are bit over zealous with the filtering on here!
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Post by destini1969 on May 6, 2008 13:58:45 GMT -5
Ok why did I anticipate that response from you! Women have urges too especially after we've hit our 30s and pushing into the 40 range! Boy do we have urges! We purchase toys, m*sterbathe and/or go back to ex's to ease our sexual pains! We don't hook up with the next NEW thing walking. Men have it easy too, you guys can easily release your sexual pains . They have blow up dolls, holes with walls and heck you can just walk into a restroom and tap your feet and sex will come running your way!  ) ) ) |
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Post by nomoredrama on May 6, 2008 21:42:43 GMT -5
Destini & Awsomax, you two are hilarious & a "cute" couple (sorry Awsomax). But men need to be more selective of their partners. All that looks good, ain't good for you. But, Awsomax is right...Crazy is not often shown until the person feels they have been crossed. My MIL commented the other day that she never imagined my DH to be going thru what he has been thru with BM. She said BM was very quiet & shy when DH started dating her...BM never appeared crazy to me when I first started dating DH. BM & I had been in DH's house together with no beef between us. BM visited DH's mom & I was with my DH. Imagine my surprise when the nutcase physically assaulted me. She assaulted me out of frustration because none of her tricks worked to get DH back. She does what she does to DH because she is frustrated that nothing has worked to break us up & he does not give her the time of day - Still!
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Post by Keia1 on May 6, 2008 22:11:02 GMT -5
Also I can say as a past abortion survivor some things look good, sound good, but when you get done doing it.......it leaves you hurting. If you've never been on the other side of losing a child when you were "supposedly" doing the right thing it may be hard for you to understand my point of view. The pain I have experienced with this BD Drama is nothing compared the pain of that abortion it's like a wound that get's better with time but NEVER completely heals. I glady will take the BD drama over the grief and pain of loss anyday. Most women who have abortions go on to have another child. With pregnancy there is no optimal outcome you just have to play the hand you are dealt. I would rather come home to my son as single mom than not have him at all....a lesson learned the hard way.
A lot of people talk about women making better decisions but sometimes stuff just happens and it's for a reason..........I know both sides of that fence and regardless of the drama I KNOW the side I'm on now is better.
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Post by destini1969 on May 7, 2008 13:53:32 GMT -5
Keia1, it sounds as if you TRULY regret terminating the earlier pregnancy! How long has it been if you don't mind me asking?
I guess Tellit and Awsomalx has a point. I never looked at it from that point of view. (gotta love this site) Once a person feels as though they've been crossed, they react/respond out of anger/frustration. Ok, I guess now I can understand how my DH didn't see how much of a NUT CASE his BM was iniatially.
I saw that she was NUT CASE right away because she was already angry/frustrated with DH. She is blaming me for it now, because I didnt' listen to her when she first called trying to convince me to end my relationship with my DH.
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Post by nomoredrama on May 7, 2008 15:13:36 GMT -5
Keia, you are so right. Almost every woman that I know who has had an abortion has become pregnant again in a short amount of time. The women got abortions when they were younger and did not think they were ready to be a parent. The women have grappled with their feelings like you appear to have done. And, the women try to replace the child they lost by getting pregnant again.
I have never had an abortion but I have had 3 miscarriages so I know what it is to think constantly about the child(ren) that you do not have. But, it also makes you love the child(ren) that you have THAT much more.
My DH & I have 2 children together now...And, I thank God for His blessings every day. But I also think about the 3 children that I miscarried. Those children are always in my heart.
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Post by destini1969 on May 7, 2008 16:04:21 GMT -5
Tellit, I am truly sorry about your lost.
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Post by ngoodman on May 9, 2008 17:10:38 GMT -5
Also I can say as a past abortion survivor some things look good, sound good, but when you get done doing it.......it leaves you hurting. If you've never been on the other side of losing a child when you were "supposedly" doing the right thing it may be hard for you to understand my point of view. The pain I have experienced with this BD Drama is nothing compared the pain of that abortion it's like a wound that get's better with time but NEVER completely heals. I glady will take the BD drama over the grief and pain of loss anyday. Most women who have abortions go on to have another child. With pregnancy there is no optimal outcome you just have to play the hand you are dealt. I would rather come home to my son as single mom than not have him at all....a lesson learned the hard way. A lot of people talk about women making better decisions but sometimes stuff just happens and it's for a reason..........I know both sides of that fence and regardless of the drama I KNOW the side I'm on now is better. I am cracking the fu*k up! Keia1, how can you say you an abortion survivor? What the fu*k? Did someone put a gun to your head and make you have an abortion. You write some laughable sh*t! You made a choice to kill your child. When you miscarry that's a fu*king lost not a abortion! Again, laughable sh*t! |
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Post by awsomalx on May 9, 2008 18:46:15 GMT -5
I am cracking the fu*k up! Keia1, how can you say you an abortion survivor? What the fu*k? Did someone put a gun to your head and make you have an abortion. You write some laughable sh*t! You made a choice to kill your child. When you miscarry that's a fu*king lost not a abortion! Again, laughable sh*t! Trust me, save yourself the energy Ngoodman. That Keia1 chick is a " baby momma" and if you have one, you understand just how little logic they seem to possess. Do what I do with her and other "baby momma" mentality type of folk................ IGNORE their post (not worth the enrgy to type a reply) |
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