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Post by helpmeplz on Jun 2, 2013 21:47:36 GMT -5
Here goes... My husband and I have been together 13 yrs married 6. Before we married we broke up got with others got back together etc. The last time we seperated before we got married was for two months...whe he came back I got pregnant and life was good until the baby was 6 months and I found out during that 2 month break he hooked up with a former "girlfriend!". I was furious! He said when she told him he was pregnant he said he didnt believe her and told her he was with me and have a nice life. She called several times while I was pregnant and he still didnt believe her and said he never told me because he didnt want to hurt me and she is a liar. After the baby was born (and i still didnt know) he went to meet the baby. He told her he would support and help how he could but didnt want anything to do with her. Of course she said if he wasnt with her he couldnt see the baby so that was it for him. We fixed our situation and married a few months later. Now, 6 yrs with no word from her...she calld and says the daughter wants to meet him. I knew this day would come...but I didnt expect the drama! The BM refuses to talk to me or see me. So the only way he can see his daughter is to be alone!!! And to make it worse, he is willing to do anything to have a relatilnship with his daughter so he did it! He went alone against my wishes! And didnt tell me because once again...he didnt want to upset me!!! I habe tried to talk to her, told her the daughter is welcome in out home and she cant expect him to be a part of her life an act like me and our 3 kids now dont exist. We have fussed cusses and I have tried to be nice. Idk what to do!!! My husband is mad with me now because he thinks im trying to keep him away from his daughter because I dont agree with the"alone" visits..? Really! Help! She is a liar and immature and cannot be reasoned with. They both think im just jealous...i am but the main thin is. I feel left out! I want to meet my husbands daughter and she wants to meet our kids. But he BM is ..ugh...difficult! Advise plz!
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Post by truthbtold on Jun 2, 2013 23:34:58 GMT -5
"He said when she told him he was pregnant he said he didnt believe her and told her he was with me and have a nice life. She called several times while I was pregnant and he still didnt believe her and said he never told me because he didnt want to hurt me and she is a liar." I think his reasons for not telling you were a bit more self-serving than that.
"Of course she said if he wasnt with her he couldnt see the baby so that was it for him." Did he not even consider or try going through the Court system?
"Now, 6 yrs with no word from her...she calld and says the daughter wants to meet him. I knew this day would come...but I didnt expect the drama!" You didn't expect the drama? Was that just wishful thinking if not, just plain naivety? "The BM refuses to talk to me or see me." Here we go again. What for? She doesn't have to as she doesn't have a child with you. "So the only way he can see his daughter is to be alone!!! And to make it worse, he is willing to do anything to have a relatilnship with his daughter so he did it!" So now he is willing to see his daughter at all costs considering nothing really has changed. Whether it be her wanting him back or now seeing the child alone. Why is he allowing her to dictate the terms of the situation? And is he willing to do anything even creating tension in his household where I believe, the priority lies.
"He went alone against my wishes! And didnt tell me because once again...he didnt want to upset me!!! " I can understand you not appreciating him going over to her house I presume, to visit his child. That's ridiculous. Him not telling you is not the answer really.
" habe tried to talk to her, told her the daughter is welcome in out home and she cant expect him to be a part of her life an act like me and our 3 kids now dont exist." Stop trying to talk to her. It is your husband's responsibility to deal with his child's mother and facilitate relationships between his child and y'all kids.
"We have fussed cusses and I have tried to be nice." Shameful and unnecessary as you two really don't have anything to do with one another. How do you have her contact information? Is she calling your house?"Idk what to do!!! My husband is mad with me now because he thinks im trying to keep him away from his daughter because I dont agree with the"alone" visits..?" I do agree that the alone visits are bizarre and shouldn't be. That is time for him to spend with his daughter, doing what he wants, at a location that is not her home. "Really! Help! She is a liar and immature and cannot be reasoned with." Nothing you can really do about that, but your husband has a wife and three other kids. "They both think im just jealous...i am but the main thin is." How do you know that she thinks you are jealous? Are they discussing you? Is this what he told you she said? ::
"I feel left out! I want to meet my husbands daughter and she wants to meet our kids. But he BM is ..ugh...difficult! Advise plz!" You are jealous and feel left out? Why? Tend to your three kids. Some of you posters are whiny and seem overly concerned with these BMs. Y'all try to do too much. And as a 6 year-old she really wants to meet her half-siblings? Really? At that age, they have no concept on their own of that. She may agree once it is put forth to her, as kids are known to say yes to questions (especially presented a certain way) without having a full appreciation of what is being asked. In any event, I assume the little girl is telling your husband this and if so, what does he say back to her? In a nutshell, stop picking up battles that aren't really yours. Your husband needs to man-up as they say and and get right. That's really about it.
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Post by helpmeplz on Jun 3, 2013 1:54:01 GMT -5
Now that I think abt it..yea she said she wants to meet the siblings, the youngest are babies under two. Probably right abt te mother putting this in her head...as the daughter also asked why my husband cant Live with them. And yes i have spoken with her and she thinks my reason for not wanting them to have alone visits is just me being jealous. My husband has made it very clear to her that if it wasnt for his daughter he would never have contact with her again in this life. She is using her daughter to control the situation and my husband allows her because he doesnt want to go thru court. And I agree 100% that he needs to man up!! Thx!
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Post by jaylady999 on Jun 4, 2013 12:00:32 GMT -5
You are jealous and feel left out? Why? Tend to your three kids. Some of you posters are whiny and seem overly concerned with these BMs.
This ^^^ right here is the bottom line. For real. As a BM, I have had to deal with BDs GF who was way too focused on me and to this day I have no idea why. And I am about as lax a BM as one will ever find. It was kinda odd to me that she was so fixated on me. She HAD to ride with him to pick up my son. She use to insist on coming in the house, but I put a stop to that, and only because she came in with such attitude. The pick up and drop off location has always been at my parents house, most of the time I was never there. But when my mother told me about her funky attitude, I had to tell BD to leave her butt in the car.
As a former GF turned wife to my DH, I just couldn't see myself being concerned about BM, ever. She just wasn't that important to me. DH goes to pick up his kids and drops them back off. I never needed or wanted to go with. I'd just see them when they got to the house.
A lot of this so called BM Drama I sincerely believe is self inflicted. If BM is a non factor(as she should be), then indifference should be the attitude towards her. *shrugs*
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Post by truthbtold on Jun 4, 2013 17:08:51 GMT -5
You are jealous and feel left out? Why? Tend to your three kids. Some of you posters are whiny and seem overly concerned with these BMs. This ^^^ right here is the bottom line. For real. As a BM, I have had to deal with BDs GF who was way too focused on me and to this day I have no idea why. And I am about as lax a BM as one will ever find. It was kinda odd to me that she was so fixated on me. She HAD to ride with him to pick up my son. She use to insist on coming in the house, but I put a stop to that, and only because she came in with such attitude. The pick up and drop off location has always been at my parents house, most of the time I was never there. But when my mother told me about her funky attitude, I had to tell BD to leave her butt in the car.
As a former GF turned wife to my DH, I just couldn't see myself being concerned about BM, ever. She just wasn't that important to me. DH goes to pick up his kids and drops them back off. I never needed or wanted to go with. I'd just see them when they got to the house.
A lot of this so called BM Drama I sincerely believe is self inflicted. If BM is a non factor(as she should be), then indifference should be the attitude towards her. *shrugs*
You know what Jay, I am of the belief that it's intimidation and insecurity that on the part of the new woman, that her man shares a bond with another woman, forever essentially. For those women that do get into these situations, they are probably wondering if there are still feelings between the two, are they messing around because of familiarity, yada yada yada. They drive themselves nuts with this and become fixated on the BM, evidenced by their behavior. I have a simple solution, and that is avoid at all costs these situations, but some ain't trying to hear that (i.e. you can't help who you love, blah, blah, blah). Regarding your second paragraph and I definitely understand your point. It makes nothing but sense, but I don't think a woman riding with her husband to pick up his kid(s) but waiting in the car though, is a big deal. Some BMs get stupid with that and that's not their place. They need to deal with their issues on that. What if the couple had plans to go somewhere right after pick-up. The man shouldn't have to then turn back around to pick up his woman LOL. Even if it was just for a ride with no plans, still no big deal to me. Maybe it's just us and we think differently LOL. Perhaps it's age as well. I think some of these posters particularly, the more recent ones, are kind of young. Even though there are some that are longer in the tooth, acting a fool out here. In any given situation, it can be the BM, the BD, and/or the new woman causing strife. Like you, I don't know why the new woman becomes so invested the way that they do. "She won't talk to me." "She doesn't want to meet me" So on and so forth.....ugh......get a life preferably one without the BM in it .
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Post by jaylady999 on Jun 6, 2013 10:32:03 GMT -5
You know what Jay, I am of the belief that it's intimidation and insecurity that on the part of the new woman, that her man shares a bond with another woman, forever essentially. I agree, and if that is the case, then it would probably be better for these GFs to find themselves a man who has no children so that they can have the man all to themselves.
For those women that do get into these situations, they are probably wondering if there are still feelings between the two, are they messing around because of familiarity, yada yada yada. They drive themselves nuts with this and become fixated on the BM, evidenced by their behavior. I have a simple solution, and that is avoid at all costs these situations, but some ain't trying to hear that (i.e. you can't help who you love, blah, blah, blah). Yep, ad nauseam. In my case, I couldn't figure it out because I have already married someone else. So why she'd be so fixated on me is still a mystery to this day. But eventually BD kicked her to the curb because of it , so she's history:Regarding your second paragraph and I definitely understand your point. It makes nothing but sense, but I don't think a woman riding with her husband to pick up his kid(s) but waiting in the car though, is a big deal. Oh, neither did I. Who rides in the car with him is none of my business. But as my DHs wife or GF at the time, I didn't ride with him because I realized that those 45 minutes in the car going and coming made for good bonding time for him and his kids. But that was just my personal choice Some BMs get stupid with that and that's not their place. They need to deal with their issues on that. What if the couple had plans to go somewhere right after pick-up. The man shouldn't have to then turn back around to pick up his woman LOL. Even if it was just for a ride with no plans, still no big deal to me. Yep, and this was the ONLY time I did ride along. When we were on our way to or from somewhere else and it didn't make logical sense for him to do all the back and forthing for no reason. Maybe it's just us and we think differently LOL. Perhaps it's age as well. I think some of these posters particularly, the more recent ones, are kind of young. Even though there are some that are longer in the tooth, acting a fool out here. Definitely. I'll be 41 years old on Tuesday. No, I do not have time for nonsense. Not from BM and certainly not from BDs GF. I have never had a vested interest in meeting any of BDs GFs. Perhaps because they rotate so quickly or maybe because I trust him and he's a hell of a father and that was good enough for me. In any given situation, it can be the BM, the BD, and/or the new woman causing strife. Like you, I don't know why the new woman becomes so invested the way that they do. "She won't talk to me." "She doesn't want to meet me" So on and so forth.....ugh......get a life preferably one without the BM in it . LOL. DEFINITELY!!!
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