sickntiredofbeingsickntired

[truthbtold]

Oct 13, 2013 2:41:29 GMT -5 @tellit said:

I think we all have made some sort of mistake or had to learn what not to do while being involved with a person with previous children. Like you, I once made the mistake of dealing with the BM. It most certainly leads to drama. When I first married, I didn't deal with the BM at.all. My DH exclusively dealt with her and I was shielded from her drama, other than what I heard about from my MIL (mom-in-law). About 5 years into the marriage BM and I began to communicate, well, I allowed her to call our house. She & I would speak briefly on the phone. She apologized to me for physically attacking me when DH & I were dating. I accepted and thought being cordial was the Christian thing to do so I started trying to be cordial. BM then asked me if she could "deal" with me instead of DH because they didn't get along. I never said yes but she started contacting me anyway. It was nothing but drama, drama, drama. I learned that it is best to have minimal contact with the BM. I didn't make a child with her, I don't have to deal with her. After dealing with BM lying, trying to talk to me disrespectfully & such, I told her she needed to contact her child's father, not me. If there was something I needed to know, he would tell me. BM got upset but, oh well. I held firm to my postion. She tried contacting me afterwards and I pointed her back to DH. I refused to communicate with her or pass messages. Now that my SD is an adult I don't hear her voice unless she is in the background when SD & I speak. But I don't even acknowledge that she is in the background.

DH, me, & BM are all within a year of each other in age. Drama died down as BM aged, although not disapating due to BM's controlling personality. BUT you are dealing with a young, immature BM. You must draw boundaries and stick to them. Your SO also has to draw boundaries. Keep communication totally about the child. All communication between them should be business-like to minimize drama. If he doesn't have court orders for CS & visitation, he needs to get one. The CO should also include pickups and dropoffs in a neutral public location. She wouldn't be able to call my house so she would have to call his cell phone only. If he doesn't have a cell, he would have to get one ASAP.

I am not trying to be judgemental but I would be concerned that at your SO's age, he doesn't have much. Why doesn't he have a car? Why did he have to move in with you? It seems like he has nothing and is therefore living off you so you are overly involved in things that he should be shielding you from. He needs to handle pickups/dropoffs on his own. Period. Is this man really worth the hassle because it seems like he is a piece of man, not a real man. It would alarm me that he hooked up with a stripper. Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas. Sorry if this is offensive but I can only go by what you have stated.

*whistling* @ underlined.

[truthbtold]

Oct 14, 2013 8:11:27 GMT -5 @nevertheless said:

Thank you tellit for your response, I really appreciate your sincere and honest advice without the hostility. In response to the last underline, he doesn’t have a car because he woke one morning to go to work and his car was damage beyond repair, it is suspect that BM did it however, he can’t prove, no witnesses. We agree to move together to save on expenses. I came to this site to seek advice and/or suggestion to deal with the situation until he moves out. I did not come to this site to be criticized, scrutinize and the hostility, I also did not come to this site for my character and age to be assassinated! And yes I did have a conversation with her at one point, to be civil and cordial, not to mention I wanted to know her side in regards to the age difference. Ok I get it…I got way too involved or carried a convo with her, I see now it was all in error, my only motive was to have peace. I just knew at that time it would be reciprocated, I was wrong. NEVERTHELESS, I CAN’T CHANGE WHAT HAS HAPPEN, I’m trying to move on beyond this and avoid a situation like this in the future. I will maintain were human and will make human error, when you know better, you do better. I was told that the best teacher is experience, making bad decision and/or mistake is a part of life, so that one can learn what not to do again. When someone makes a bad decision once and don’t learn from it, to me that’s using it as a guise. I would understand your comment if I would have said that I experience this once before, but that’s not the case. Truthbtold I don’t know if you are attacking to get some type of pleasure or find the need to find flaws in others as token or excuse to feel better. For whatever reason, your sage of advice is rude and unbecoming. You can tell a person the truth without all the hostility and anger.

Attacking? Why must we engage in hyperbole? @ underlined, please stop, that is beyond lame and an overused response when advice and observations are not doled out and wrapped in a bow. Tellit was quite candid in her last response, but that's okay? (not coming at you Tellit ;D of course, just saying). The silliness is insufferable. You've already stated that you are tired of the drama and were not dealing with it anymore. It appears that you've made it known, then remove yourself from it (you have no obligations there) and seek legal action to remove him from the premises. You seem to have already learned or knew that it is not necessary and actually best to not have dealings with the woman/women a man has children with. Yes, anything can happen to anyone, but it is how we respond and deal with the situation that is most critical.