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Post by truthbtold on Dec 19, 2013 13:58:49 GMT -5
He is taking me to Hawaii for Valentines day so maybe he does realize I do a lot for him.  Thanks so much for your advice. Yall did really help me throw some of my selfish feelings out the window. Niiiiice. Aloha. Personally, I appreciated your whole approach. You were open to whatever we had to say regardless if it wasn't wrapped in a pretty bow. You articulated yourself well throughout, never getting defensive, nor whining and crying that we so mean LOL. Good on you. |
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mn
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Post by mn on Dec 19, 2013 14:03:08 GMT -5
Haha thank you. I came here with an open mind looking for suggestions knowing "I might get sh*t on" haha.
"As a helper, just remind him. Even contacting her to say he forgot his homework folder at school is not a good idea or necessary. Single parents do what they have to do all the time. When your husband gets home sometimes, let him do the homework with his soon. It may a little later in the evening, but hey such is life"
We got in a great routine of doing homework after school but sometimes he does get super cranky, so I just put him down for a small nap & when he wakes up we have dinner & does homework with his dad. I think dad intimidates him a lot more, and he's afraid it won't be "perfect" for dad, so he does get nervous about it. It's cute seeing them sprawled out on the floor cutting out paper fish or writing letters. ^.^
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Post by truthbtold on Dec 19, 2013 14:31:33 GMT -5
Haha thank you. I came here with an open mind looking for suggestions knowing "I might get sh*t on" haha. "As a helper, just remind him. Even contacting her to say he forgot his homework folder at school is not a good idea or necessary. Single parents do what they have to do all the time. When your husband gets home sometimes, let him do the homework with his soon. It may a little later in the evening, but hey such is life" We got in a great routine of doing homework after school but sometimes he does get super cranky, so I just put him down for a small nap & when he wakes up we have dinner & does homework with his dad. I think dad intimidates him a lot more, and he's afraid it won't be "perfect" for dad, so he does get nervous about it. It's cute seeing them sprawled out on the floor cutting out paper fish or writing letters. ^.^ Oh okay, cool then . The takeaways in this situation are basically this: - No communicating with BM; she's not a factor in your life, don't even think about her or really even engage with your BD too much about her.
- Don't feel obligated to do more than you want when it comes to his son and no bio-parent should make their S/O feel that way anyway.
- Realize and maintain your place as it relates to his son. Sometimes the man may solicit the opinions of his new lady on matters relating to BM and child, which is not really the best thing to do even if his intentions are harmless, if you will. Resist the need to go there and let him know that. A lot of these men need to stand on their own and handle their affairs and the women need to allow them that as well.
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mn
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Post by mn on Dec 19, 2013 16:29:22 GMT -5
Very good list.  Just an update from today.. possibly more me venting than anything: Yesterday he forgot his homework packet at school, but today he remembered it. As I mentioned earlier, there's a page in the packet with a line for each day of the month, where you write the title of a book you read to the child that day. It had been 2 months since she read to him, so my boyfriend mentioned it to her last week. So this week the packet is completely filled out.. every day except December 24th and 25th. I asked him "Wow you read all these books with Mommy?" He said "Yeah.." and he said it funny and looked away. I said "What's wrong?" he said "Mommy told me to say we read them together. We didn't." So I texted my boyfriend & I let him know. I said "It's your business and between you and her. If you don't care that it's getting done then don't care. If you do care then you should talk with BM" So he texted her & asked "Did you do his homework & read all those books with him? Because he's saying you told him to say they were done but they weren't" She said "Yeah. He told me he was going to tell you that." Lmao yeah I'm sure. What bothers me here is that she's teaching him to lie for her.... Again I'm not looking for anything here, but kind of venting it out. I told him "That's baby mama drama for you!" Haha. Definitely a response I wouldn't have given him before talking to everyone here. |
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Post by truthbtold on Dec 19, 2013 20:00:08 GMT -5
Very good list. Just an update from today.. possibly more me venting than anything: Yesterday he forgot his homework packet at school, but today he remembered it. As I mentioned earlier, there's a page in the packet with a line for each day of the month, where you write the title of a book you read to the child that day. It had been 2 months since she read to him, so my boyfriend mentioned it to her last week. So this week the packet is completely filled out.. every day except December 24th and 25th. I asked him "Wow you read all these books with Mommy?" He said "Yeah.." and he said it funny and looked away. I said "What's wrong?" he said "Mommy told me to say we read them together. We didn't." So I texted my boyfriend & I let him know. I said "It's your business and between you and her. If you don't care that it's getting done then don't care. If you do care then you should talk with BM" So he texted her & asked "Did you do his homework & read all those books with him? Because he's saying you told him to say they were done but they weren't" She said "Yeah. He told me he was going to tell you that." Lmao yeah I'm sure. What bothers me here is that she's teaching him to lie for her.... Again I'm not looking for anything here, but kind of venting it out. I told him "That's baby mama drama for you!" Haha. Definitely a response I wouldn't have given him before talking to everyone here. You acknowledged @underlined that prior to coming here your response would have been different thus, a change in progress or growth with respect to these issues. That's good, it is. However, the way you approached your boyfriend has a manipulative undertone. A neutral disconnected response would have just been to relay what his son said and letting the boyfriend figure it out. Also, naturally it would put a decent person off that a parent is making their kid lie, but it still seems a little too involved or affected on your part. But yeah, disconnecting from the drama is a wonderful thing. Lastly, just venting about BM is not really welcomed by some of us. We are more focused on solutions and changing thought process than just being a venting session and unfortunately, we have seen a share of those types of posts. |
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Post by truthbtold on Dec 21, 2013 18:57:57 GMT -5
I agree that the comment about the BM is manipulative. As far as venting about the BM? Meh. Sometimes venting is a great stress reliever. I am all for it as long as the poster isn't causing the behavior that they are venting about. LMBO. In general, I agree that venting can be a stress reliever however, when it comes to this nonsense, seems pointless especially if the person is removing/have removed themselves from the nonsense *shrugs*. To those that contribute to the madness and then feign surprise when the BM act a fool, are just as wrong and silly. To each his or her own, though. |
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Post by truthbtold on Dec 23, 2013 13:19:49 GMT -5
I agree Truth. That is why I said feel free to vent as long as the poster isn't causing the problems they are complaining about. No, what I am saying is that I am not interested in hearing it either way; the venting. It's just all pointless (perhaps there are other motives as well) to me, but hey this isn't my board and people can do what they do LOL ;D. |
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