What Bm drama really is

[Keia1]

Thanks to analyzing awosomx I finally realized what BM drama really is...........it is like walking a dog.......YOu have a dog on a leach you control where it goes and how far it can go........So does a bM HAVE A bd..........SHE CONTROLS HOW MUCH MONEY YOU CAN MAKE......AS SHE GETS A PERCENTAGE........SHE CONTROLS HOW OFTEN YOU SEE YOUR KID.........OR IF YOU SEE HIM OR HER AT ALL.................SHE CONTROLS IT.......Whether or not you go to jail......get you licensee suspended or get even your income taxes is all up to how you handle your responsibility to her of course on behalf or your children. BD's are often mad because their life is being controlled by somenoe they are no loner with and if he doesn't give her; her way........let the war begin. BM drama is about a man getting in siutation where he loses control of his money and in some cases his sanity......Awosmax thank you..........you helped me see what my BD was thinking about and why may situiation is the way it is..........they are mad and bitter because his d*ck got him in a situation that he can't win. Ha Ha Ha Lol. Ladies feel free to weith in on this one. AS Bd wifeys or gf how does your man react to this?

[memyslfni]

From my bm prospective, Its not about trying to control bd or what he does with his chips as long as he respects me for being the best mother I can be to our child. As long as their is mutual respect... Everything else will follow.. BD,BM and CHILDREN INVOLVED ARE HAPPY ;D Coming from a bm who will never let someone elses pockets make me or break me.

[angelnmo]

Whew!! I'm glad I don't have that problem. I make a nice salary, have a nice inheritance coming my way, own real estate, and property. My fiance and I could live off of only my salary if we so choose. We have even already gone to lawyers to draw up paper work so that the BM doesn't try to pull any funny stuff and combine our incomes in the hopes of getting a piece of mine! Boy wont she be surprised when the courts still base her meal ticket on his salary alone! My fiance has no problem throwing her the bones that she is always scrambling for! Now that's funny!! Beg doggie beg. Ha Ha Ha!

[Keia1]

I agree with you.....and feel the same way memyself. But legally the system is rigged up in favor of the mother and the child. Which is understandable because a man cannot expect to have a large amount of control or influence over a woman he is no longer with, only has a chld with and was never married to. Thus that is the reason why the system favor s the CP. Also often the NCP doesn not for the reason stated in the first post want to support the family he created and is no longer in...........which is the reason cs exists primarily. I have even heard of cases that divorced couples once the man is no longer with that woman does not want to support those kids so that is why cs i often automaticaaly granted in divorce cases.

Now the illustration was of the legal control of the situation the BM or ex wife has. It appers to me and I don't know why I'm seeing this for the 1st time but the BM has Bd by the ball*s and is squeezing very hard. Being that this is the legal situation in most cases not all.....maybe I disagree with the fact that the women need to make better choices......not saying they don't but that is often people's primary response.......I say the BD needs to make better choices and stop fathering children tha the doesn't want to support and having babies by women he doesn't want to have to contribute to for 18 years. The system is designed for both parents to have to pay...........mom who is often CP pays with time and energy...dad is often NCP pays with finances and the threat of punishment, garnishment and jail time if he or she doesn't comply. GOD BLESS THAT SYSTEM. d**n this revelation set me free.........I don't have a lick of problem wiht my BD situation anymore because I now see the bigger picture.

Overall I think that the social system is actively discouraging out of wed lock births and trying to envourage families. Some time you gotta use tough love. But I believe the system is fair. because ultimately the system is about the best interests of the child involved not the best interest of the mother or father.....the mother often has custody of the child so her needs afre looked out for first. ONCE AGAIN GOD BLESS THAT CYSTEM.

lLike I said in a prior post hind sight is 20/20

I was 23 when my son was born so I was and still am rather young....but I now see that BD's family was attempting to protect him from the legal consequences of having a child out of wedlock. A mistake I think because if you cushion every blow they will never grow. Unfortunately their captain save a n*gga mentality resulted in his failure to live up to responsibility and being injured in a tragic accident.........so I guess I feel soory for him

his family didn't care enough about him to let him grow up and be a REAL man.....even if that meant paying support.......i think tellit said it if not somebody did maybe love jones that when you make decisions you have to pay for them.

So overall, they lost every battle and the war itself....so sad....As lovejones08 said that's what families do..........but in his case their lack of class and character proved fatal for him....he'll never be the same again. I feel as if I did the right thing by looking out for myself and baby..........they know it too just their haste to attempt to set things up for him.....Its so pathetic it's funny as a woman, a mother (a good one) you would think that you 'd want your son to be the best man he could be....apparemt;u mpt in some families. He paid the ultimate price for his ignorance and so is the rest of these BD's on cs, with BM drama and neverending heartache. I FINALLY GOT THE BREAKTHROUGH I WAS LOOKING FOR! KUDOS TO THIS SITE....I feel like a new mom again......ready to take on the world. I don't really feel like I nedd this site anymore.....but if I do I'll come back.

Ain't that cute......breakthrough on mother's day.....LOL. Thanks's all.

[angelnmo]

Well congratulations.

I know that great feeling you get when everything seems crystal clear and you wonder why it took you so long. It sounds to me like your life is all coming together now. A great new career in the future and the possibilities are endless!

I am sincerely happy for you. Regardless of anything that has happened in the past, you are a strong, resilient, and intelligent woman. (your nursing degree proves that). And yes, I speak in present tense, because you will get your nursing degree.

Please, just do one thing for me. Don't get mixed up with no trifling, deadbeat, golddigging man who doesn't appreciate you.

God bless and good luck.

[destini1969]

I don't think you guys understand THE COURT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT BM, BD NOR THE CHILD. The courts are more concerned about getting ANYONE to pay so the custoidal parent won't go on welfare. To think child support is about BM having control over the BD and having the BD by the balls is quite ignorant. AGAIN, THE COURT DOES NOT CARE ABOUT BM, BD, NOR THE CHILD. The court (and I) don't want custodial parents on welfare and we're tired of supporting them.

The system isn't built on emotions, it could care less about kids born out of wedlock, IT DOES NOT WANT TO SUPPORT THE KIDS. The bible is against children born out of wedlock not the system. God does not bless that system, you need to become more familiar with your bible because you are constantly mis-quoting it. Perhaps you're not fully understanding what you're reading.

[BADCHICK]

Congratulations Keia on your breakthrough. God must have had it in the stars for you. Don't waste time and energy on haters. You keep achieving and fly high it will lead you to the best outcome for you and your son.

Destini, god is against divorce too. But he isn't holding it against you or anything else against anyone else. God is love, and he loves us enough to put up with our mistakes. Jesus once said "let he has not sinned cast the first stone."

Congrats, Miss Keia. You will go far, put that whole situation behind you and never look back. You'll do just fine. I can feel it.
Your adversity has just been a gift to make you stronger.

[Memyslfni]

Ms. Keia, I'm quite sure ur not leavin this board anytime soon. But just is case you decide to, let me share a piece of information with ya. Tryin to get sympathy is not the best way to go about things as most bm's tend to think this will get them the positive attention they need. Thats good that ur gettin your sh*t together, as being the cp ur children do need You. But its also obvious that your son still hasnt seen his father or their family, so when ur done focusing on self. Try to take your sons needs into consideration or when he gets old enough, ask him what he would like to do regarding his father..and by all means let him see why you have so much anger towards his father that way he doesnt feel that he was brainwashed into hating him. You said you was gettin child support on time so shouldnt it be time to let up a little bit. Arent you gettin what u wanted. Or is it more about the control you have with your child and bd/family? One more thing you keep mentioning ur past abortion. Been there done that will never do it again, unless of course the circumstances aint right... Why dwell on it? Whats done is done and obviously ur affected by it..Its never gonna go away if you keep bringing it up. Thats a bm's mentality though "never letting go of the past" always looking for sympathy.

[destini1969]

May 11, 2008 9:07:28 GMT -5 @BADCHICK said:

Destini, god is against divorce too. But he isn't holding it against you or anything else against anyone else. God is love, and he loves us enough to put up with our mistakes. Jesus once said "let he has not sinned cast the first stone."

BADCHICK it appears as if you're another person that needs to refer to their Bible, God isn't against divorce. Dust your bible off and read the law explaining what's acceptable pertaining to divorce.

Being young isn't a morale excuse for being ignorant. Lack of listening, understanding and compassion IS!

[destini1969]

Maybe she's going through something or heck maybe that's just her. Can't help them, just pray from `em!

[gemmani]

I think BM needs a life. BM is pathetic because she spends her time trying to make BD miserable, instead of bringing peace and happiness to her own life. And for some reason, she thinks its cute. Ugly, miserable people are not cute. Get a life BM.

[LOL]

That can be quite a predicament for an unmarried man with children. His future as well as the mom's are forever altered as the result of a split second decision. It bodes ill for the man's finances if he desires to move on have a wife and other children. We have to educate our youth on PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. I stress it in my 3rd graders because it is SO important. Unfortunately some men after realizing the situation they have gotten into attempt to get out of it by any means possible. Even if it means hurting the mother of the child and the child. Surely, this should not be so, after reading some of Kia's post it seems like his family was attempting to help him get out of the situation with blatant disregard for her and the child. I feel like she was probably more upset about the disrespect and shirking of responsibility. Which I would personally be upset about too. Situations like that occur when people put money above just plain common sense. They should have known that if the child was his and he refused to voluntarily and respectfully support him or her that the mother would take legal action. Families like that irritate me if they would have taught him personal responsibility the whole situation could have possibly been better for everyone involved. I believe and this is my opinion that parents who are not married to the mother/father of their children has a responsibility to the mother or father whichever is custodial to help support the children. Some believe that the only responsibility is to the children. Which is partially true, but the children are minors so they are legally guarded over by the custodial parent so the custodial parent is the one who is given the finances to help support the children and meet their needs. I think ngood man said "it's called child support because it's for the child", no it's called child support because it is given to the custodial parent to help support the children it is for the custodial parent to use to meet the childrens needs as the custodial parent see's fit. Which is why how the money is spent is NOT regulated.

[givemeabreak]

LOL, Keia1, and BADCHICK all rolled up into one.
Welcome back Keia1, Badchick, or whomever you want to be called this week.

[LOL]

Givemeabreak here is your break. Minister TD Jakes was on this morning and was talking about people finding groups that feed their dysfunction. He used an example, "Go to your family reunion and watch them all find their porch." Often people associate with people who have the same perception as themselves which blinds them from seeing the truth about a situation. If your not careful you will find yourself 1000 miles away from real truth and no roadmap to get back. Open-mindedness is key to everything. I'm not sure what your problem is or what situation you come from but there is no 1 surefire way to view, analyze or judge a situation.

[ngoodman]

why you trying to quoting t d jakes, he's a preaching pimp. he aint doing nothing for his community but getting rich off them poor people. lol if thats person you seek advice and inspiration from, no wonder you think like you do.

F*cked up!