What do you think about this?

[ngoodman]

Man you aint keeping it real LOL. How can you justify 1700 a month for child support? So you mean to tell me that it takes 3400 a month to raise yo kids? Cuz according to the state you are supposed to put in yo half to.

It's b*tches like you that make the BD leave yal ass to begin with. You were probably just his f*ck on the side and got p*ssed when he rejected yo azz and moved onto something betta.

[LOL]

Also for your friend it is unfortunate. Sometimes depending on circumstance a woman may be temporarily dependent on child support. I would lovingly suggest to her that maybe for her sake and the childrens sake she should not depend on her ex-husband. His bills are none of her concern or yours. If he's paying that is great but women do need to stop depending on men because often they let us down. I agree with the post on that particular part. I don't know why she is dependent on him financially or what her child care availiability and educational status is. But we as women need to encourage our female friends and family members to be independent. You cannot be biased and look at your friends situation like you look at your husbands. Remember every situation is a little different. But I do believe that he should contribute as much as he can financially because more than likely he won't be a huge part of the childrens life. Sad part of the divorce process.

[LOL]

No ngoodman I was his wife. He owes my children all he can afford to give. We are grown and we are no longer together we can look out for ourselves our children are not adults yet. The point im simply making is how does a man who claims to love his children advocate for giving them LESS rather then giving them MORE. It doesn't matter how much you or anyone else thinks it costs to raise a child. Everyones life style is different. Why should I as the mother of his children have to justify how much I am receiving for my children. They have to go to daycare, college and well as have a savings fund so they can have a nice little nest egg when they graduate from college. Parents have to look at investing in a childs future not just the here and now. Ngoodman why are you so bitter. I don't know your story but from the vibe I'm getting from you I think you are one of those men who resents the fact that they have financial responsibility as well as emotional responsibility in the form of a child. So you attempt to either blame the mother for your lack of responsibility, fail to look at the part you played in the whole scenario, or B*tch and moan about what you could have done with the money that you are supporting your own flesh and blood with. Men like you make me sick. (If I'm right). Always crying about having to be a man. Look at your childrens needs it's not about you anymore. You probably think some woman tricked you or some other lame excuse for not wanting to be a man about yours. If you made a mistake with the woman then you made a mistake with the woman but the child is not a mistake. He or she is a miracle and as a REAL MAN you should want to give that child all you can afford to give in terms of love, support, encouragement, and finances. My children are well taken care of that's how I justify that much money my ex can afford to pay it. When they go shopping they can smile and say "daddy bought me these."

[ngoodman]

he won't be part of the childs life because of his crazy BM. I dont know one man that dont want to be in his childs life. Its when crazy BM make it hard.

That money is not for the BM it's for the child, that's why they call it child support.

[nomoredrama]

Sick, Greedy, and Cheap?! Hmmm. Okay, I can live with that. Okay, fine. I'll be all of those things. At least LOL has admitted to being a crazy baby mama.

Wait a minute?? Sick, Greedy, and Cheap?! I guess LOL is calling us all Crazy Baby Mamas! Those words describe some baby mamas exactly. ;D

Sick - Too sick to move on with your life and find your own man to help support you. CBMs have to constantly count the BDs paycheck because the BMs don't have the ability to make it on their own.

Greedy - Too greedy to realize that a child is not a paycheck. A child is a responsibility that both parents must share. If you have to brag on the amount of child support that you are getting, than you must not be making too much more money than the child support check. Only those who aren't used to having anything brag about it. Those that actually have it, don't have to brag about it.

Cheap - Too cheap to realize that a child(ren) have enough love to go around. You don't have to hoard the children because you are afraid that the child will love the dad or step-mother more than you. And some CBMs sell themselves short. Their very existence is to get money from the BD. Some BMs should invest in themselves. Go to school, get a job. Learn to make your own money so you don't have to rely upon the BD to keep a roof over your head.

[LOL]

Ngoodman, this is my personal opinion if a man really wants anything in life he will relentlessly pursue it. If a man really wants a relationship with his child the fires of hell will not stop him from getting it. Lazy, trifling, boys attempt to use the BM's craziness as a way of justifying the fact that they are not a part of their childs life. It's an escape hatch all too many boys are using to rationalize the fact the they don't really want to be fathers. This is prevalent is certain cultures. It doesn't take much to go and visit your child at least once a weeks so he or she knows who you are. If the mother won't allow you to take the child with you so what still go and see the child. When the child gets older the child will be able to tell that it's the mother that's keeping you from having a more intimate relationship with them also the child we see that you did your part and always tried to be a part of his or her life.

[nomoredrama]

Awsomlx, I have a question about your post though. Do you have ANY contact with your children? I hope that you do because children need BOTH the father and the mother.
I know that some crazy baby mama drama can cause a man to just give up, but it is your child's life at stake. If you have the physical ability to see your children, there should be nothing the BM can say or do to keep you away from your children. In fact, if you see the kids for an extended amount of time, you may be able to petition the courts to reduce your child support during the time you have them.

[LOL]

For the record tellitlikeitis i am a 3rd grade teacher. If I am a crazy ex-wife turned baby mama because I feel that my ex-husband should contribute as much as he can according to state regulations for our childrens well being then YES I am. I mentioned the money to let it be known that I am not crazy enough to not want that money or in your opinion I am crazy enough to want that money for my children. So in that case yes I am a crazy baby mama/ex-wife whatever. But I am a crazy PAID babymama/ex-wife so whoever doesn't like it or agree with it too bad so sad. The childrens well being comes 1st. It is the custodial mom or dad who provides for the children and it is their job to make sure the children have what they need. It is a simple as that there is no room for argument. Why is it not both parents jobs? We all know that answer two people who are not together usually cannot agree on ANYTHING so it is better for the childrens sake if one person handles. If two people are handling it the they either get along very well and are friends (KUDOS to them) or they are married.

[nomoredrama]

If you are a teacher, much respect to you. We need more of them. I don't have a problem with a man paying child support. But, it is the CBM who desires to send the BD into financial ruin by trying to get EVERY dime the man makes that I have a problem with. As long as the man is providing for his child(ren), why hound him for more money constantly? If your ex is paying you $1700 per month, why describe yourself as a "PAID" crazy baby mama?! Why aren't you an ex-wife whose ex-DH is providing responsibly for his children. When CBMs focuses strictly on the BD's finances, it is ridiculous. You are shorting yourself and your children.

And for the record, teachers don't get paid that much. I used to work in the school system and I also know several teachers. I was going to go back to school to teach but I could not afford the pay cut.

[LOL]

That's why my kids need their dear daddy's contribution. I manage my money well and do quite well as a teacher plus I enjoy my job.

[nomoredrama]

I am glad that you manage your money well. I don't feel that my friend manages her money well and she is looking for BD to pull her out of the hole that she has dug for herself. It is NOT her BDs responsibility to pull her out of her financial mess. The BD has to live too. That's what some BMs tend to forget...Men have lives too. Just because two people share a child or children, it doesn't mean the man is indebted to the woman forever.

We keep harping on how much money the man pays the woman for child support. But when the roles are reversed, how many women are willing to pay support??? My DH paid child support for his oldest son since his son's birth. But when we took over custody of his son, his mom did not pay one dime towards his care. She never contributed as much as a pair of socks. But my DH rolled up his sleeves and took care of his child. Actually, we both took care of him because my money went into his son's care while his son resided with us. My DH did not try to get support for his son because we recognized that the BM was going thru a hard time. But as soon as the BM got her son back, she ran down to child support enforcement to start the child support back up. And child support enforcement, as biased as they are, even tried to tell us that my DH owed back child support for the time his son lived with us and we provided 100% of his care. We had to prove that my stepson lived with us before CS wiped the arrears off my DH's account. How wrong is that?!

[LOL]

The child support system is not without bugs. People are not without faults sounds like BM either needed the money or was only taking the child back to resume getting the money. The latter is probably true. Sounds like your husband is a good man who legitimately cares about his children. You seem to be a supportive wife he is lucky to have you because a lot of other women would be too selfish to help support another womans child. Your husband needs to give lessons to a lot of other men about parenting. Sucks he has such a bum for a BM but I'll bet she thought he was going to be her meal ticket. There are a LOT of lazy, trifling, girls out here claiming to be women who have baby after baby to get CS and don't have a thing for themselves or want to do anything themselves.

[nomoredrama]

May 21, 2008 20:21:35 GMT -5 @LOL said:

He or she is a miracle and as a REAL MAN you should want to give that child all you can afford to give in terms of love, support, encouragement, and finances. My children are well taken care of that's how I justify that much money my ex can afford to pay it. When they go shopping they can smile and say "daddy bought me these."

Some BMs keep harping on what the man should do...But, what is the BM bringing to the table except a whole lot of drama? Yes, I agree that men should give love and support to their children. Some BMs are so caught up in the financial aspect that they forget about allowing the father to give love and support. Or, the BM makes it almost impossible for the BD to give love and support due to the BM's foolish antics. And quite frankly, most children don't even recognize/realize how much support the BD is paying the BM each month.

I contend that if a man, unless he is rolling in dough, has to pay almost $2000 a month in child support, the man should have custody of the child.

[LOL]

I contend that if you say it's not about money then why should money determine who has custody. It's about where the children are happiest and where and with whom they have been with the longest and spent the most time with and who takes care of their daily needs. My husband works a lot and does not want custody of our children. He is free to call and visit as much as he want's. He has no problem supporting them as they are his. I

[destini1969]

The child belongs with the parent that is better prepared to support the child. Just because the child is happy in one household (typically the parent without structure) does not mean that's the best place for the child. Especially teenagers!

If both parents are mentally/financially stable they should share joint custody, but that's in a perfect world. Half of the time the BM is still too hung up on what the BD to place the child's need first.