Receiving CS when your kids are grown

[tienee]

I was at my mothers house when a court order arrived for my mother and father to appear before a judge for past due CS. when my mother arrived i gave it to her and asked her was she going to go, she replied yea. like i should agree with her choice. i told her i thought it would be a waste of time knowing my father he wouldn't show due to him already have numerous warrants out for his arrest. and for the fact that he doesn't even make enough money to really support his self there wouldn't be away for her to get the money he owes even if the judge granted it. at this point she became very vocal explaining to me that it wouldn't be because if he were to file his taxes after the gov't got their money she would be next in line same as if he won the lottery. (chances of either of those is slim to none) she asked me if i thought that she deserved the money that was past due. it was a hard question to answer because after i turned eleven i lived with my grandmother because she remarried and her husband and i didn't get along so i had to go. 5 years after that my brother came to live with my grandmother as well and she didn't provide for me for all those years my grandmother did and what my grandmother couldn't do i got on my own, so i thought more before i answered her. she and my father lived together and remained married until i was 9 even though he was in and out of jail. so i hit her hard. I told her that i didn't believe that she was due any money for child support. because she put up with my fathers lifestyle and when she remarried her and her husband made over 500 thousand a year so for the years my brother was still there he was ok as well ,so no i told her and i restated my first thought which was that it would be a waste of time. since then she has been to court and has only received 3 checks all under the amount of 2 dollars. So tell me what you think about the situation.

[nomoredrama]

I think your grand mother should have sued both your mother and your father for child support. She is the one who is actually due the support, not your mother.

[youknowwhatits]

This board is kinda biased if you ask me. What about the countless good mom's who work an support their children and themselves and get NOTHING from the dad who is dodging the cs people. It's not fair to the MOM or the KIDS. There are countless deadbeat dad's running around and they have money just don't feel the need to share it with their offspring.

My god daughters dad moved to Texas to avoid paying cs. Finally after 8 months cs is so slow they caught up with him. Now my best friend is getting is income taxes in the amount of 1500 dollars and his stimulus check which is 600 dollars and he still owes her 3000.00 in past due support. He didn't care about his daughter or he wouldn't have moved away from her and stopped paying support. Now he has a new girlfriend and she just had a baby...he's still making bad decisions. It's about the decision making not the kids. My best friend when they broke up asked him to give her 50.00 a week he refused. She filed cs and he was ordered to pay 550.00 a month. Once again ladies bad decision making.

[memyslfni]

Your are absolutely right!, women should start making better choices on who we decide to become our sperm donors to further prevent having a baby by any ole man without a plan. Do your research first ladies! Dont be ashamed to ask for those RESUMES! gOOD POint YOUKNOWWHat..

[memyslfni]

It was actually funny to hear my mom continue to ask my father for cs after the fact that we were grown. I mean come on he wasnt paying you cs then, so why would he have it to give now. Unless he won the lotto or somethin

[nomoredrama]

Keia did you really READ her post? She said she lived with her grandmother and neither the father nor the mother provided support. Why is the mother entitled to the support when she did not physically have the child? It takes money to raise children. We both agree on this. However, it was the grandmother who raised the child, so she should get the back child support, not the mother. It works both ways!! The mother was just a big of a deadbeat as the father. Grandma stepped up and put in the work.

[destini1969]

I agree with you Tellit, the grandmother should have filed on them both. Tiene, I am glad your grandparents were there for you! ;D I have a Court Order against my ex-husband but he never paid, but since my daughter is an adult and out of the house, I am hiring an attorney and pursuing every penny owed! My daughter is at an age where she will not be affected by it!

When I divorced my ex-husband he was order to pay CS/Alimony through the courts. He chose to do neither and trust, he was more than capable of paying. While raising my daughter I NEVER spoke against her father and NEVER will! MY DAUGHTER WASN'T A MEAL TICKET NOR WAS SHE "FOR SALE"! She was my daughter, my ultimate responsibility because I made that final decision to bring her into this world. Women have that final say so in that process, we just need to be a woman about it and OWN IT! ) Since I am understanding the difference between CBM and BM, I am encouraging CBMs not to screw up their child's life, do not place your child's well being on the auction block, it is not a meal ticket! Your child deserves to have both parents in its' life, especially if he is willing to spend time with it! By neglecting to allow BD in that child's life, you are nothing less of a pimp, because you are selling your child for a paycheck!

[youknowwhatitis]

Me personally I am all for a child having it's father in his or her life if:

1.) The father wants to be in the child's life I will not force my child nor should any woman force their child on somebody

2.) The father is man enough to call and ask to visit the child willing to get to know the child and pursue a relationship.

3.) The father has something morally, ethically of value that he can contribute to the child and is willing to do so.

4.) If the father can be trusted with the child and has the mental faculties to take care of the child.

5.) If the father is willing to put the child's needs 1st by being consistent with his calling and visiting

I do not think a father should be included in a childs when:

1.) He has a car but will not drive to see the child

2.) He shows no interest in the child does not even pick up the phone to call to see of the child is okay or needs anything

3.) If at one point he denied the child was his or has doubts about whether the child is his

4.) If he is not consistent with calling and visiting thus inflicting emotional damage upon a young vunerable child

5.) If you don't trust the man or feel he may or someone around him may harm the child. There have been cases where when a coupl has broken up or going through a divorce the father kills the kids to spite the mom.

6.) You do not trust him or his family

*As women we must follow our heart and use our heads to determine what's best for our child. True every case has it's differences but there are legitimate reasons for what I do it is NOT out of spite.

[destini1969]

MY DAUGHTER WASN'T A MEAL TICKET NOR WAS SHE "FOR SALE"! She was my daughter, my ultimate responsibility because I made that final decision to bring her into this world. Women have that final say so in that process, we just need to be a woman about it and OWN IT! )

By neglecting to allow BD in that child's life, you are nothing less of a pimp, because you are selling your child for a paycheck!

[nomoredrama]

If the man wants to be a part of his child's life and he is not going to put the child in physical danger or is not a drug addict, an alcoholic, a drug dealer, or a sex offender, then let the man see his child without interference from the mother.

"The father has something morally, ethically of value that he can contribute to the child and is willing to do so." -- Who is the judge of what is morally and ethically of value? For that matter, there are a lot of BMs who have NOTHING morally and ethically to contribute to the child (other than the egg the man fertilized). Unless an unbiased professional makes that decision, the BM should let the father see his child.

"If the father can be trusted with the child...." My mom claimed that my dad could not be trusted with me. That was a load of crock!! My mom was ANGRY with my dad and did everything that she could to poison my relationship with him. She used that excuse to justify her anger at my dad. Again, if the father is not a sex offender, alcohol or drug addict, or a criminal, give the man time with his child.

If the man has reason to suspect that he may not be father, it is within his best interest to request a blood test. After the child is proven to be his, then the man can be free to bond with the child that he KNOWS is his. Visitation should not hinge on whether or not the man requested a paternity test. It is just another way that the BM can withhold the child out of spite. There have been many men who did not have a paternity test only to find out YEARS LATER that the child is not his.

"If he is not consistent with calling and visiting thus inflicting emotional damage upon a young vunerable child." -- If the BM constantly runs interference or causes drama on a regular basis, this may be the reason the man is not calling or visiting the child consistently.

"There have been cases where when a coupl has broken up or going through a divorce the father kills the kids to spite the mom." And there have been cases where the mom has killed the children to spite the father. In fact, studies have shown that women are more likely to kill their kids than men are. More than 200 women kill their children EVERY YEAR. Do the names Andrea Yates or Susan Smith ring a bell?

The mother does not have to "trust him or his family." I contend that the mother trusted him when she laid down with him, so why use that to justify keeping the man from his child. The man may not trust the woman either. Trust works both ways. The BM should let the man have uninterrupted visitation with his child. A woman does not have to like the man's family. We can't choose our family. It is what it is and they are who they are. It is not about whether or not the family likes the BM. As you keep saying, it is about the child....remember???

I say again...There is not justification for crazy. Crazy is as crazy does!

[youknowwhatitis]

I disagree if a person does not want to see a child I will not force them to see them. If the person has a medical diagnosis that impairs their abililty to think and reason that I know of and they live in a home filled with domestic violence and I know that I will not send my child to it. If BD's mom allowed her husband to abuse her and her kids does that mean she will protect mine...I think not. I know what's best for my child and that's to see his dad if his dad requests to see him. Until then, oh well.

To each our own opinion.

[destini1969]

I like that!

CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES!

[l6jtlfr]

You oughta know!! LOL ;D

[destini1969]

I AM STILL PRAYING FOR YOUR SON!

[youknowwhatitis]

Thanks girl, we need all the prayer we can get. I'm still praying for your daughter too.