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Post by tellit on Jun 23, 2008 9:51:40 GMT -5
This step parent thing is getting to be too much! It seems as though if it is not one thing it is another. We are dealing with child support (yet again)!! I told my DH that I just want to pretend that the BM & SD do not exist for a while. We don't get to see her. We barely talk to her because her mom throws up so many road blocks. Right or wrong, I told him to just pay the child support and be done with it. When the child gets 18 years old, she can establish a relationship with him if she desires. Right now, the BM is so EXHAUSTING that she zaps all desire to communicate with the child. DH still doesn't have a home number. He can't just talk with his child. He HAS TO go thru the BM. The child is 14 years old and FULLY capable of communicating without her mom. DH hasn't seen the child but 2 days in OVER 6 years. We don't know the child. The child doesn't know us. We CAN'T visit with the child. Half the time we don't know where she is. This has been 12 years of pure H#LL!!! I don't want to hear from the BM. I don't want her to call my house. She is rude and disrespectful. Right or wrong, I truly don't even care to SEE the child because of her mom. i I am just going to PRETEND that they do not exist for a while!!
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Post by hybridmommy on Jun 23, 2008 10:52:18 GMT -5
Maintain your level of peace. My sk's are not yet 12, but when they are they will be able to legally make the choice to live with BM or their Dad.
Your BM sounds a lot like the one we deal with and my DH made the (really tough) decision to do the same thing until they are old enough to choose for themselves. They are free to contact us if they like and have our address and information, but we refuse to go through BM any longer.
DH and I have our own daughters to care for and refuse to allow the bitterness and misery of BM to impede on their home and happiness.
Good luck! I know it's hard!
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Post by gemmani on Jun 23, 2008 11:13:36 GMT -5
I don't have any advice or anything, but it sounds like you need a ((hug)). Sounds like you need to do that for your own sanity. I know what you mean about roadblocks, seems like each one you pass, 4 more are still blocking your path. Hopefully you two will be able to have a relationship with the girl once she's out from under her mom. Keep your head up  |
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Post by sbimiss on Jun 23, 2008 11:16:02 GMT -5
Sometimes these things can be too much to deal with at times. The easiest way is to give up putting up a fight for the child. My bf and I haven't given up totally but we keep in contact with his child through a third party. She is only 4 so, we are hoping as she gets older she will be able to mediate a little better for us. It has been 4 yrs of hell. As for the BM, we don't have any contact with her at all. It's like she doesn't exist. (The child lives with child's grandmother-BM's mother in another city) She does arise however, whenever we try to pick up his child. She gives a bit of trouble and makes her mother give us excuses but we still get her in the end for his visitation time. What I am wondering is, if after 12 yrs. and you are still dealing with this, then this means that this might just be the beginning for me? I don't understand why. Why she does these things if she is not getting a reaction from either of us? It is just teaching us to stay far, far away and to have no concern with her. What is the objective, motive, and what is she trying to accomplish? I think that as a parent and more so as a good person, it is important to persistently fight for your child/stepchild. But, just when is enough enough when the BM is putting up such a fight? It seems as though she doesn't realize that SC suffers the consequences even when there is manipulation involved. Children always seem to sense the truth. If your SC has recognized your efforts in consistently trying to contact her and have a relationship with her hopefully she has an idea of what is going on. Your DH's BM has no heart.
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Post by nomoredrama on Jun 23, 2008 12:47:29 GMT -5
We've been on the phone with CSE all day! It is just frustrating!!
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Post by nomoredrama on Jun 23, 2008 13:40:41 GMT -5
Oh Gemanni, thanks for the HUG. I need it today! To all stepmoms, fiancees, & girlfriends in love with men with BMD - BIG HHHHHUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
PS: It was me that posted. I was at work and I could not log on to the website. I had to be a guest today because it wouldn't let me put my real screen name in.
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Post by nomoredrama on Jun 23, 2008 21:15:42 GMT -5
I am starting to feel like a bag lady with all of the baggage that I married into. I don't know if I could do it again.  My DH & I were discussing the parenting classes that school provide to students. Instead of giving the males a baby that cries and yes, we agree that the male kids should be made to get jobs, get play money, and have to pay child support while trying to pay rent, car payments, etc. They should also get a life sized doll of the BM programmed to yell about their fathering ability, what they aren't doing to the BMs satisfaction, and of course, child support. I think that we work well to teach males the true picture of children outside of marriage. It might also lower teen pregnancy. |
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Post by gemmani on Jun 24, 2008 9:39:24 GMT -5
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOL!!!!!
I can't be laughing like that, I'm at work!
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Post by youknowwhatitis on Jun 24, 2008 22:23:07 GMT -5
That BM just wants to make you all life miserable because her's is. My BD is the same way.....now he's resorted to sending ignorant nasty text messages everyday. I go from not hearing from him to being harassed via text message everyday. I don't take it seriously I just laugh at his ignorance it's my joke for the day. But I am seriously thinking about changing my cell phone number. I have been attending church recently and the pastor said some things that have helped me put some things into perspective. I can't expect a 3 yr old to drive a car so I can't expect an adult to behave, think or make decisions above their level of maturity. So the best way to deal with people is to observe their level of maturity and decide how to proceed with them. My BD is immature, your BM is immature. Immature is what immature does. I can stoop to his level and respond or I can continue to not deal with his childish antics at all. I've learned to grow and mature daily. I can't change him but I can change the way I deal with him. He's upset because I don't want him and he has to pay....tough titty but he's going to have to suck it......let him throw his little temper tantrums. I'm getting closer to the Lord and focusing on success.
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Post by wowposter on Sept 9, 2008 10:11:02 GMT -5
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