When does the drama slow down?

[mommadrama5]

I have been dating this man for 9 months, he is younger than me but we have children the same age. He has a daughter with his high school sweet heart. Supposedly they have been on and off since their daughter was born. I understand they have a "history" and a child together. I was married for many years, so believe me when I say I understand the "history" with your ex. He tells me she understands they are not going to be together but I don't believe she does. Doesn't there come a point where a line is drawn and boundaries are set with both ex-people? Is it his responsibilty to set those boundaries because I am tired of dealing with the sick feeling in my stomach everytime I see her send a text message or call in the middle of the night. I have set the boudaries with my ex - how much longer do I have to put up with this? I have been so patient and have given him plenty of time to make this change.

[wbmama]

Girl - you are so right. It is his responsibility to set boundaries with his ex. My husband and I had issues with this too. I put my foot down and we negoiated some changes. One thing I have learned for sure is nothing will stop the BM from texting or calling. The best way to handle that is no response at all.

History is just that HISTORY - the past. And yes they have a child; but their relationship needs to be strickly about the child - no more. If he is engaging her in petty non-child BS, he's sending her the wrong message. You need to have a serious talk with him. You two together have to find a way of dealing with her - it takes time. After a year and a half and thousands of dollars in attorney's fee's - my husband and I are just getting to a good place. However, I'm on this site....still dealing with the drama! Good LUCK!

[downazzchick]

Girl, the time it takes to tame a bm, and to get your bf on the same page as you could take years!! 9 months is not long, but it helps to know what his past relationhips were like and if they have been successful. If he goes back and forth through gf's for a few months and goes back and forth to the baby mama a few months. Then that may be all he's looking for. It may be okay with him to receive those middle of the night texts (and not to sugar coat anything for ya, girlfriend) WE ALL KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN! You seem to want more out of the relationship as you have already set your boundaries up with your ex. You say he's younger, but he may be taking his time, exploring his options, doing what he wants to do, Ya chick Ya.. If he's willing (to change), then he's ready.

[lovejones08]

He has to set the boundaries and she will do what he will allow her to do. You know for me highschool sweethearts are so ol school and if that person was so much of a sweetheart then they would still be together raising their child as one big happy family, but that's not reality. The "sweetheart" phase stopped when they broke up and now that he's with you it really needs to stop. Men tend to act real dumb when they are not ready to let their past go, such as she could be manipulating him with all of this kindness to appear innocent, but you can see the female skeeza in her from a mile away, but because he is saying that she understands they will not be together and whatever else he will play on that bull and try to make you seem as though you're crazy for thinking and feeling the way that you do. She knows exactly what she is doing and she knows that it will cause major arguments between you and your man. Even if she was a pleasant BM, there should be boundaries. So the things they may have done before you and him must stop such as late phone calls, texting and long phone conversations.

[mommadrama5]

I cannot tell you how much it helps to hear other people in the same situation. I appreciate the advice. I did have a talk with him last night because I just could not stomach the questions (or assumptions as us chicks tend to make) that were twirling in my head. I told him that unless he set boundaries with her about their relationship, I could not continue our relationship. I am quite positive she knows exactly what she is doing. I am a woman - women know what women do!! I also know that no one calls or texts in the middle of the night for "no reason" or "just to talk." Anything like that can be talked about when the sun is out!

I explained that if he knew this was important to me - he would make a change and make sure it was clear. He reassured me that I am important to him and "him and I" is where it's at. He said he would have that talk with her. Question for me is - how long do I give him before bringing this up again? What is the best way of making sure he is following through with what he is telling me??

I am at the point in my life where I do not want the drama in my life! Stand up and be a man or don't - either way - he knows what follows. Like Jill Scott and her husband in "Why did I get married" - men have to understand that we would give them the respect they want from us if they would take care of things and be stand up men!! Men support your wife or girlfriend and in turn we will give you the respect you desire and need to feel like men.

[insightful1]

When does the drama slow down? It really depends on the BM. Some BMs move on and get lives of their own. Other BMs can't move on because they still think they have a claim to their childrens father or feel like he'll soon recognize the error of his ways and come back to them.

Your boyfriend has to set the boundaries. Otherwise, the ex will continue to feel that she has a right to do as she is doing. And, even after he sets the boundaries, it may take ex a while to get it through her head (if ever).

DH had to set boundaries with his BM. She started calling him on cell phone for every reason other than their daughter. I spoke with her & asked her to call the house and not his cell phone. She immediately called my DH and told him "your wife told me not to call your cell phone." DH asked her, "why do you call my cell phone? You only got my cell phone number after you wouldn't let me take my daughter when she came to visit. Our daughter is back with you now, so why are you still calling my cell phone?" BM was upset and did not let him talk to his daughter for over 4 months. Childish...

When you deal with a man with children, it is hard. Especially when the BM is not able to move forward.

[wbmama]

Calling the cell not the home number!!!! I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM!!!!! We even had it in a court order that they are to communicate via email with specific call times - she's doesn't care about any court order.

I got her though, she called his cell phone and I answered! She hung up! LOL! I'm going to randomly answer - maybe she'll stop.

When her child is at my house she doesn't hesitate to call the home phone....we always answer. Even though she NEVER answers her phone. Everyone has caller ID - how stupid does she really think we are?
A 40+ year old woman playing games!! GROW UP BM!

[missj]

I have been with by BF for almost a year. I am 26 with no children. I am starting Medical school in August. My BF is the Best guy I have ever met... My soul mate... But he has two young daughters and his BM is making my life hell... The last 3 months she has been relentless and its taking its toll on me. I feel constantly depressed because almost everyday its "drama". She has vandalized my car countless times, calls him all hours of the night, emails him naked pics of her, She sent me an email telling me that she will never stop trying to get him back and I might as well give up now... The sad part is that I, considering taking her advice! She has No job, No car, No cell phone and lives with her mom. Does the drama ever end?? How much should I take before I throw in the towel? Like i said My BF does evrything in his power to keep me from the drama but this chick has nothing but time to make my life miserable...

[wbmama]

I feel so bad for you girl. You do not need this sh** while you're going thru something like medical school.

He and you need to change your email addresses and phone numbers. If you have to get one phone just for her and cut the d**n thing off at night. Limit what she knows as much as possible.

Have you read the book Baby Mama Drama? There may be something in there that would help you.

[lovejones08]

MissJ, unfortunately the drama will never end until BM finds happiness with herself and get over it and that can take a life time. This situation is a big pill to swallow and it takes a special kind of woman to deal with BMs. Ask yourself are you that special kind of woman? I totally understand where you are coming from because I live it as well. I never had my car vandalize, but a whole lot of other mess. This is the point, you have described this man to be the best guy that you have ever met and is your soul mate. Girl, that is deep. Do you understand what you are saying about this man? If this is so, don’t let that girl take that away from you. This is exactly what she wants you do to and she basically told you that she was trying to run you off don’t give that broad the satisfaction. Rejoice in the fact that your man has matured so much since he parted ways with her that he found what he needed in you. This will make him stronger, you stronger; therefore making the relationship stronger. Leaving a good man only leaves him open to giving that good loving to another woman and it’s not going to be his BM. My suggestion to you would be to document every relentless thing that she does then mail it to yourself and have it notarize. Then don’t open it until it is necessary to bust her a**. She wants your life to be hell and for you to be miserable and give up so she can prove her point to him. This is not an easy situation and I can speak from experience and I’m still with this man and she’s pissed. If you choose to stay you have to look at it academically and apply the same drive and principles. You are entering medical school so you have spent time going through school, dealing with ridiculous teachers, late school hours, sleepless nights to finish assignments, upsetting grades, horrible group projects, financial aid issues, institution issues, and the list goes on; but you kept your focus and went through all of the hard times because you knew it would benefit you in the end. Do you think your relationship with this man will benefit you in the end? What has he done to protect you from all of this? My fiancé called himself protecting me in his own way and it really wasn’t working for me his way so it caused problems which forced us to come up with solutions together. Let her keep showing her a** because she’s only showing her daughters what type of person she really is and they will despise her in the end (hopefully don’t end up like her). It will come back to bite her in the a**. Try helping your man show these young girls what women are supposed to be like. Showing nothing but love because that is what they will remember the most. You know the saying God don’t like ugly. Ultimately, your happiness is foremost important and maybe you need to step away and if that is what you decide he should understand (won’t be too happy) if he really loves you. Every person comes with their own baggage and the next man after him will have some too. It’s all about what you can handle and what’s best for your life. Just remember true LOVE endures all things. Is he worth enduring ALL things? If he is, he will love, praise and appreciate you even more because you stuck by him during one of the toughest times in his life.