Been Gone - And I have learned a LOT

[wbmama]

Hello again. My life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. In March, my SS was hospitalized for some sort of infection. Shortly after that, CBM cut off all ties to my DH. He called weekly - with no response. (Keep in Mind - there is a court order in place). Three months went by and we heard nothing out of her. Our marriage grew stronger. Life was just better. Then in July, the b*tch reared her ugly head into our lives again. And boy was she pissed. Just angry - over nothing.

It wasn't about SS. She just wanted to fight. This time over money. I went around and around with her and then I stopped. I'm done - out of it.

I want my SS to be in our lives. I would ideally want to raise that kid myself. She will never change. No matter how nice we are to her, how much we love her child, she hates my DH and me - because we have the life she wanted.

She's known to lie about being sick (remember she's the one who spent a year telling us she was dying of cancer). And now that she's been busted - SS is getting 'mysterious' illnesses. We fear for his safety and yet our hands are tied. You name it - we've tried it. I even accused her of making him sick and she blew me off.

She's mentally ill. But she looks so well put together.

So, what do you do?

[amillmack]

Call Childline and report your concerns. Even if they are unfounded this time, but something happens in the future, you have covered all your bases. If this continues, continue to call Childline and you can do so anonymously, but make sure that you are very detailed about everything, dates and such because they will ask you. If you are unsure about what Childline is, it's a child abuse reporting hotline. You should have one in your state, but if not just call Children and Youth directly. They will help you and talk to you about your concerns. You can't just ignore it and if you do, just imagine the guilt you would feel. Also, tell DH to ask for more visitation since she's been in contempt of the order!!!

[youknowwhatitis]

You better leave that nut case alone before she really hurts you, your DH ain't worth your life and health....cut ties with her. If she keeps the kids away that's on her. You never can tell what a liar will or won't do.

[youknowwhatitis]

BM's will kill a b*tch about messin with their kids or interferring in their relationship with their kids....you best leave and her kid alone.

[youknowwhatitis]

I'm simply telling the truth.......didn't your crazy BM attack you.....nuff said.

[tellit]

Youknowwhatitis said: I'm simply telling the truth.......didn't your crazy BM attack you.....nuff said.

BM's attack was not the smartest thing to do. In fact, CBM lost credibility in the eyes of my MIL who was her strongest ally...at that time. If my then future DH would have bumped his head and might have considered getting back with her...Her assault TOTALLY destroyed that. After the attack BM was not even allowed to come to DH's house.

Basically all BM's attack did was catch a court case for her.

In the end, what did the attack gain for the BM? Nothing. She is still as bitter and resentful as she was 13 years ago.

[youknowwhatitis]

Apparently BM"s anger and bitterness is a topic of discussion for gf's and wifes's and BD's. What did my BD get from his antics..........nothing. What did I get from his antics a stronger sense of myself, right and wrong, and beautiful son. In my quest to move on with my life I can't help but feel nothing but dislike for BD while I know that he's product of his environment to me that still does not excuse what he tried to do intentionally. I while it's forgiven b/c if it wasn't he wouldn't be able to visit my son at all it perturbs me when someone is continually ignorant and tries to use me as an excuse for why he doesn't see his son. But whatever like I've said before once he turns two and I graduate this Dec and I move we will no longer have any contact with him. And for me that'll be a great day.

[gemmani]

Lord I HATE hearing about BMs who act with no regards to their child/children. Really makes me mad.

Youknowwhatitis..........have some cake and a bottle of wine that day. Sounds like cause for celebration in my book. Its not like he's been around so fudge it.

[tellit]

Youknow, what did you BD do to you except break up with you? It sounds like he said some nasty things to you when he broke up with you, so you were quite naturally angry. It doesn't appear that he cheated on you. I know that he did not make a verbal agreement for child support so you got the courts involved. You now get court ordered child support, right?

You have stated that BD told you that he did not want to be with you and you were holding him back (or something like that).I don't remember it verbatum.

You said that he got into a car accident and there was an altercation between you and his sister at the hospital. The family then refused to tell you which rehab facility BD was in after he was released from the hospital. He was in ICU and in recovery, so he did not have any control over what his family was doing to you...On a side note, if you were married to BD, you would not have had a problem finding out about the rehab facility. See, marriage has its priviledges (I couldn't resist).

Anyway, you said BD wanted to come visit the baby but you felt he was too young to go...Also, you did not want BD to take child around his mother or his sister.

You seem to have a lot of resentment against the BD and it is difficult to figure out why.

It appears as though he wanted something to do with his son at one time. Did he do something to YOU that warrants all of your anger? It seems like he hurt your feelings when he broke up with you and it sounds like he was a jerk when it came to the child support. But, you now are getting your child support.
You are going back to school. You are able to provide financially for your son with the BD's help, right?

What is the real root of your anger? Something is missing. I think you going to see a psychologist is a good thing. You have to work through your feelings and resolve your anger at BD.

[youknowwhatitis]

If I was married to BD I would be stuck taking care of him and dealing with his medical and mental issues. I'm the type of person where when someone attacks me I take the sh*t personally and they are going to pay God will make sure of that.

First off BD never told me he did not want to be with me. We both knew full well we were not compatible. I only tried to deal with BD for son's sake. So yeah I'm upset about my son being in the middle and hurt by this nonsense. I don't need to see a psychologist for my feelings (although it couldn't hurt) but I am concerned about the future affects of this on my son psychologically. Right now he's young and doesn't care and BF helps with him. But the time will come when he realizes that BF is not his dad and will inquire about a dad or more importantly HIS dad.

So to answer your question tellit..........what he did to me was affect MY child in a negative way, causing him to have a permanent situation that my son will later on have to deal with. While I still hold firm to the fact that BD deserved what he got for not caring enough about his SON first and ME second. His actions displayed selfishness and spite as have those of his families. If they wanna be messed up that's on them....but I'll be darned if they mess up me and my son. My son did not deserve that and he and they should've more respect for him than what they have because low and behold their just doing it to piss me off and to attempt to cause me to stagnate in life and be what he is a FAILURE.

However, I just choose to produce through the pain. ASN next BSN next MSN. Eventually get married and would like to have other children but even then that will affect the son I already have because he will not be the son of the man I marry. So in all actuality I'm more concerned and mad about and for my son. What mother wouldn't be...........however I continue to upgrade my education and life for my sake and my son and I don't depend on anyone else.

So as far as he goes with me he is forgiven because I'm better than him and without him. But as far as my son goes..........that's a whole nother story.

[youknowwhatitis]

After all that I've dealt with at the hands of BD and family they can truly go straight to HELL:

Tellit you asked what did he and they do:

What I did:

-Have a baby
-Want my baby physically and financially supported
-Want to protect my baby safety
-Want us to come to a mutual agreement as to avoid BM/BD drama that would negatively affect the child
-Tell the truth that the accident was unnecessary he should've been at work or at my house on duty with the child
-After sister made comment that " I don't need to feel obligated to come to the hospital and see BD if it bother's me." Insinuating I'm responsible and attempting to tell me what to do and how to feel I concluded that if that's how she really feels she doesn't need to be around my son.

What BD and family did:

-Try to use us not being in a relationship as a valid reason for not giving me money on behalf of the child--------hence his motive for wanting to fly solo
-Refuse (BD) to live up to his verbal agreement of giving me 100.00 a week for our newborn son
-Keep up stress and arguments refusing to come to my home to see and care for our 2 wk old son--------when you have a new child you don't care where you have to go to see your kid especially when it's only 2 wks old--------this prove's him not wanting to come to my house was about me---------he showed no real regard for son
-Went out of town instead of helping out with his son and being a dad when his newborn son was 2 wks old left no money for son..........but had money to drive out of town with gass 2.99 a gallon. As was going out of town with paid time off. So he was making money while gone.........son can't have any
-Get in an accident requiring a 5 month hospital stay
-BD's family seems to think his accident was my fault
-BD's family wouldn't keep me informed on condition where he was (which hospital)
-BD's mom was blantantly kind to his co workers when they visited but cold to me
-Bd's sister's comment
-BD and family did not buy son anything for 1st birthday or Christmas
-Bd's family didn't tell me BD had applied for SSA disability
but they asked for son's SS number so BD could claim him as a dependent when BD wasn't even taking care of him
-Bd's family tried to later claim that son was not BD's and said they wanted a paternity test before they do anything for him
-Child Support did paternity test because family had BD request it...Bd has brain injury. 99.9 % BD is the father... BD had already signed the birth certificate at the hospital
-Bd's family tell him I tricked him into signing the birth certificate
-While BD was in hospital no one in family called to check on son....when I finally found out where he was through his dad when I brought son out to the hospital BD mom did not even acknowledge baby son
-Son last seen bd in early march it is august. Bd routinely text's stupid nasty messages none about son only about me.
-When spoke with bd before he got out of the hospital said "having son wasn't worth it to him because you have to buy and do for him." How ignorant.......keep in mind while he was in the hospital they did not buy or do anything for son on behalf of him. So he had nothing in actuality to complain about.
-Wouldn't tell me what hospital BD was in lying about the hospital wouldn't let anyone but his immediate family see him but asked if they could get my son for a weekend....be for real.

*The list could continue

So I ask you ladies Am I bitter towards them or are they bitter towards me? The answer is obvious.
These people tried to destroy me but I wouldn't let them and NEVER will.

So tell me my anger and concern for my son's psychological well being is NOT warranted and convince me and I"ll believe that I"m the one that needs to forgive.

[gemmani]

Well, forgiveness isn't about THEM. Its not about BD or his family. Its for YOU. Its to clear your heart and mind so you can move on and be happy.

To hold a grudge against them is like punching yourself in the face and expecting THEM to feel it. It only hurts you.
Grudges only weigh you down. I know you are improving your life and getting your education, but emotionally you aren't well.

BD and family put you through a lot. Yes, they are bitter toward you. But you, also, have bitterness towards them. Its just flying back and forth and the person caught in the middle is your son.
IDK what solution to tell you about having them in your son's life, but I hope you guys come up with some kind of compromise. They are trying to get to you. When they succeed in getting to you, then that trickles down to your son. Personal feelings have to go out of the window, everything you do must be for your baby.

I know you know all of this already, but just make sure and remember it when you are dealing with those ignorant people.

[im2grown4this]

Forgiveness is never about the ones you are forgiving. It's about you and your peace of mind. You are obviously bitter. You just need to let all that bitterness go and pray for GOD to take that off your hearrt and your mind and you will live a much better life. Why do u let them live rent free in your head?

[lovejones08]

Hey wbmama! lovejones here. I've been gone from here for a minute. BM still trying to portray my DH as a deadbeat and all this other bull to people who don't know any better or anyone who will listen to her bull, but you know what, as we said way back before that these women have their own agendas and you said it well. She wants the happiness that you have and instead of focusing on improving herself she wastes time and engery trying to make others just as miserable as she is and if our men were such deadbeats and whatever else, they would not spend so much time and energy on their BD's relationships and life.

Stay focused wbmama.....I feel you sometimes you just want to give her the serious business but that is what she wants you to do fall right into her traps. Keep your focus on the enjoyment of your husband and your family and when you all have SS or talk to her just remind her how much you all love and miss her. She will be grown before you know it and making her own decisions about people's character....even her own mother's. STAY STRONG GIRL!!! I see there is a lot of new members and guests on her since the last time I was here.

[wbmama]

Hey LOVEJONES! Yeah - lots of new names - same ole stories.

I'm outta it completely. Whatever my DH decides to do I will respect.
Its a never ending fight with BM. Nothing will change until SHE decides to change. If she doesn't want her child around us - it would take 10s of thousands of court costs - to get this fixed.

I once believed differently - now - I know