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Post by nodrama on Jan 28, 2008 15:13:30 GMT -5
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Before he met me his baby mama played with him like a toy. He gave her money even though it was not through the court. When she found out we were together, she took him to court for child support. We live together and both attend school. We are flat broke. It kills me that she gets a fat child support check and we have nothing. I am deciding to stay with him. However, I am requesting that he go and get visistation rights he is paying child support and has the right to see his son. I feel that I have more balls than he does in this situation. It pisses me off that he fears her. Believe me I have no fear for that Piece of Crap that doesnt deserve to be a mother. She partys, uses drugs and has another child with somebody else. Any help or support would be great.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Feb 2, 2008 19:39:49 GMT -5
I know how you feelin gfrien, stay down until you just cant stand it n e more. Its unfortunate that justour strength alone isnt enough to get them their "manhood" back. We can only hold on for so long........
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Post by jusdntundstn on Feb 2, 2008 19:40:16 GMT -5
I know how you feelin gfrien, stay down until you just cant stand it n e more. Its unfortunate that justour strength alone isnt enough to get them their "manhood" back. We can only hold on for so long........
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Post by itsme on Feb 4, 2008 2:48:00 GMT -5
hi I'm new in this forum and I'm ''happy'' to read that I'm not alone living the same situation. I really need some help!!My current boyfriend has 2 daughters by 2 baby mamas. His family and i don't believe that the last one is his. The thing is that He doesn't act the same when he's around his baby mama when i call him!!!He doesn't want to deal with the drama! if she found out that he was talking to another girl while he was seeing his daughter she'll throw him out and wont allow him to see his girl for a while. So he rather don't talk to me or pretend that he's talking to one of his boys. Thats f*** up no?!! What advice can u guys give me??
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Post by jusdntundstn on Feb 4, 2008 11:34:39 GMT -5
Dont worry youre not alone, it seems like an ongoing process. I cant speak to him while with children from one bm (so says his kids). Thats their time is the excuse he roles with. These are thier mommas children. These bm's will find some kind of way to manipulate the situation and these bd's that are our boyfriends are succeptible to this behavior. They dont know women like we know women. They have to learn on their own. I have a son from another, bf has two bm's 6 girls plus our daughter = 7 + 1 boy =8 kids. Just recently met the other bm and those daughters. The other bm hasnt allowed him to bring her kids around me(so he says) This bm thinks because she got the most kids by him that its her way or no way but she just dont know a change is gone come. Been together 2 1/2 yrs steady trying work on these issues. You have to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. Your are the new woman in town: what you say goes ( what they say gets brought to the table). Theres been plenty of time i just want to give up. But im still here trying to stay strong for me and my family. Tryin to help him regain his strength although draining myself at the same time. It takes a strong woman to be with a foolish man. I can say their has been changes (part the reason im still hear). More to come... Ive learned alot through this, for the most part about myself. What I want and what i need. So dont ever settle for less than you deserve. When in doubt leave it to jesus dont stress yourself. Hope this helps........
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Post by itsme on Feb 4, 2008 13:08:57 GMT -5
Thanks for the advice. We had a long discussion yesterday night and i called it off...I mean i know what im worth and like you said i cant settle for less so another woman canhave her peace of mind. She'll try to take more space enventually, we were suppose to buy a house together, she found out and if ound my new car egged. She trew eggs on my car. I didnt see her but who else would have done that. I mean she already waited for my once, while she was pregnant, to jump me. She'S crazy. I truly love him with all my heart, really truly but girls i love myself way much. He has something to defend he has his girls to defend but what do i hold on to? I have no kids and im paying now or his mistakes. Sorry cant do it.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Feb 4, 2008 14:43:17 GMT -5
If yall are not married yet, what is there to lose. He needs to realize what he wants and where he wants to even if it takes letting him go. Stand yo ground (at least until u get what u want!)
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Post by 05may2007 on Feb 5, 2008 16:49:48 GMT -5
It seems that those women take advantage of the fact that they lucked out in having a good man father their children. I dont think its fair. My BF's BM does the same thing! I tell him that she's "milking" the kid card. I know its not the children's fault, but these women use them to manipulate situations. I tell my BF that i love him and anything having to do with his child, i accept, but if the mother is more concerned to talk to him than the child is...... we have a problem!
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Post by jusdntundstn on Feb 5, 2008 18:13:59 GMT -5
I agree you gotta draw the line somewhere. Put your foot down by all means. Closed mouths dont get heard.....or however it goes
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Post by jusdntundstn on Feb 5, 2008 18:15:29 GMT -5
All i know is Im not gonna end up with the short end of the stick!
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Post by 05may2007 on Feb 6, 2008 10:38:19 GMT -5
Thats right! Even if you dont end up staying with him. You have a better chance of being happy with someone else, than he does dealing with that b@!#$ To him: If thats what he chooses to do - Good luck with that!
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Post by lovejones08 on Mar 27, 2008 23:08:41 GMT -5
I believe that there is a major difference between the mother of a child and a BM. Unfortunately, BMs are very selfish and miserable individuals who will try to ruin lives because they are unhappy and at any cost. This means they will even sacrifice the well being of their children to get back another person or cause havoc. It is a very sad situation and women like this make it bad for a single mother of a child whose main focus is making sure they make the best life for their child. Our stories sound the same; see how predictable and simply minded BMs can be. I have been in a relationship now for four years and I'm getting married soon. Nothing but pure from BM since the first day she found out that another woman could do what she chose not to do and that was make a good man happy. She thought she could control him and keep him under her belt because she knew he loved his child. I brought out the best in him and he did the same for me which pissed her off, but that is not my problem. He and I have been through ups and downs with this situation because all he wants to do is be a good father and she tries to make that difficult for him, which discourages him, and pisses me off, but when that child becomes an adult then that mother will have to deal with the pain that she doesn't even realize she's causing or just doesn't care. It's like these nonsensical women are all the same and I encourage all men in this crazy situation to just be the best daddy they can under the circumstances and if they can only see their child or children for five minutes, make it the best five minutes of their lives by giving hugs, kisses, unconditional love. I guaranteed this is what that child will remember always no matter what type of mess that ridiculous creature that wants to call herself a mother and think that she is owed an honorary award for giving birth like she is the only one capable says about their daddy. The phrase that gives me hope is God doesn't like ugly and what goes around will come around. Love endures all things and if you have true love these petty and childish acts will only bring you all closer together. As for women in this situation if he is a good enough man don’t let his past dictate your future together because he went through a life lesson to become a better man you and your children. If you cannot deal with it then move on to something that you can handle.
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Post by lovejones08 on Mar 27, 2008 23:17:51 GMT -5
Never think that your man is just letting his BM punk him or run over him. This is just the act of a good father trying to do what is best for his child and unfortunately that his a hard pill to swallow for the new girlfriend especially when BM is a gottd**n fool, which many are!!! Your man may not know what to do because if he reacts negatively or the way she acts then he will directly affect his child since the child is currently under the control of the BM. Sometime he has to play nice guy in order to be a father which is bull but his main focus is to create the best possible situation for his child and if that means biting the bullet for his child's sake then that's what a good father may do especially when he sees that BMs foolish ways are already having a negative affect on the child. He doesn't want to add to that. Remember he has to deal with this for the rest of this child's young life. You have a choice because you don't have to deal with this situation. It's not an easy situation at all very difficult. not only do you have to deal with the fact that the man you love has a child with another woman but to top it off she's a pure idiot and you may find yourself wondering "What the hell was he thinking" He may be a different and more mature man and that's why he is no longer with her because he has now exceeded her maturity level and he realizes that.
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Post by downazzchick on Mar 28, 2008 23:38:37 GMT -5
Nodrama....Girl, it sounds like you have decided to stay with him, so you have signed up to stick it out. I know how tough it can be with both of you being in school and money short.
Now with the child support issue, it will benefit him to stay current in his payments so that later when he graduates he won't have the back pay to worry about.
Also, don't concern yourself with what the bm does with the check, what their relationship use to be, or how many other kids she has with other men. Focus on the now, which is making sure u budget wisely and make sure he gets regular visitation with his son.
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