Should I

[mist]

My boo of 2 years has 3 sons by 3 bm and i want him to take a paternity test for his two last sons. Im 27 and graduating with a ph. D in microbiology in a year. So I dont want my future kids to suffer from mistakes that my boo made when he was young. I dont want no childsupport to block my plans and i dont want to live with a supposition that the kid MIGHT be his 'cause they were F friend back then! My boo has a great job, pays well so, so he was a good candidate. His family doesnt think that the kids are his but they told him to take his responsbilities towards them. Should i suggest him the paternity test? And if his the daddy, what else? Obviously the bm wil know about the test cause she needs to sign the consent right, am i not opening a door to them to be even more crazier?? OMG i dont know

[jusdntundstn]

How old are these boys that ur unsure of? My bf has 1 thats definitely not, and one unsure hadnt taken a paternity test just takes care of them anyway. He's been taken care of them before we met so it dont really bother me. He just gotta work extra hard lots of responsibility! Especially if he wants to keep his family too! If he rejects the test then he assumes responsibility. Yes this takes from what yall are tryin to build which means always have your own and what he gives to them comes from his pockets. I'm currently goin through this at the moment. We just gotta accept the fact they were there before us. We love these men as they came. But you gotta speak yo mind holdin it in causes comfusion. Stick with your career goal so no matter what your future isnt F#$##$. Let him bust his ass to provide for yall and his kids. He shoulda been more cautious... Dont go easy either

[mist]

one is 1 y.o and the other one is about 4 y..o. Its true that we're not married but u know when you connect with someone to another level?? Our love is strong but as soon that he mentions the name of his bm nothing matter to me anymore. HOw do you deal with it?? HOw do you manage your anger?? Your friends or family still got your back?? I dont see myself going trew the whole dating thing again, getting intimate with another man again and put all this energy into a relationship. How do you girls do it , how do you disconnect yourself and keep your pride when another woman is involve??

[stanstrng]

The world is perfect until he gets that phone call or let him even ignore it. You automatically know who it is...It is really draining to be in the situation were in and we cant just say hey lets ditch those people. (As much as we would like too!) Sometimes i just want me and my family to pack up and move far away just so I can have him to myself. Only yall know how strong the love is and in some cases you have to leave it up to god. If this man was meant for you then he would realize what he needs to do. Ive had so much anger inside. But we can only do our part. There may or may not be hurt in the end but sometimes we just need to stand back and watch. Men are a little bit slower than we are but eventually the light comes on. Just keep an open mind.

[in distress]

I dont know what to do. Its very difficult because in my case because my bf and i have been together for 9 months and he takes care of his little girl, but also has to provide for his BM's 11 yr child. I know its not the little girl's fault but i get upset because she takes advantage of the fact that he wont do for one, but for both. i just dont know how to deal with it! I know she wants me upset, but how do i deal with it??? I wonder why she doesnt go after that little girl's father for child support? Is it my place to even ask???

[jusdntundstn]

He's probably grown to accept that child as his own, obviously they were together at one point and those two girls are sisters. We cant really be mad that our bf's are soft hearted. mine does the same. At the time the original daddy skipped out, so my bf took that child on as his own. (at the time him and his bm were off and on) I think they feel sorry for these kids and its not the childs fault. Just try to block the b*@#@ out and see your bf as the great father/man that he is trying to be. If he wasnt would you be with him? Who knows maybe a man will come into her life and assume responsiblity of her kids. That could cut some slack off of him. Pray on it!

[lovejones08]

I think you will always have that nasty gut bubbling, teeth grinding, heartbeat racing feelings when BM comes around or something else she's done has come up again. This is natural, but as long as she sees you smiling and enjoying yourself not even paying her presence that much attention if any at all. She will then be entertaining herself. BMs don't deserve that satisfaction to think that her stupidity is altering anything involving which includes my emotions and my relationship. She can KICROXS!!!!

[Keia]

It is never your responsibility to get your man to get a paternity to test to see if his kids are his. They were his before you came along and if he's willing to take care of them leave him the hell alone!!! That way you know he'll take care of yours when it comes along. All your going to do is start a never-ending drama with a BM and one of them pregnant doges might be crazy enough to kill your ass. That's some foul ass selfish nuts, you going to tell a man that he needs to question the paternity of some kids he had with a woman before you came into the picture. That stuff has lifelong legal consequences for him and her and for the children who know that man as daddy. Some women need to stop being so d**n selfish. What if you had a child by someone who got with someone else and then she had the nerve to tell him he needs to get a paternity test cause you don't believe his child is his. You don't have a right to question his kids paternity!!!! You'll probably be a nutsty stepmother because you don't even really think the kids are his. He needs to drop you like it's hot.

[Tell it like it is]

I agree with Keia to some degree (Oh No)

It is not your responsibility to suggest a paternity test. The children were in your life when you met him. If you knew upfront that he had other children, then you must to accept those children if you want to be with him.

What makes you question the paternity of the children? Just curious. Did you know the BMs beforehand? Or, are you listening to hearsay. If it is hearsay, I say stay clear of it.

My Mother in law (MIL) has always questioned the paternity of my DH's oldest son. She told me that she wanted DH to get a paternity test. She was friends with the BM (BM was 24 & DH was 17 when child was born). MIL said BM had men coming through the backdoor when DH was leaving out the front door. If that was the case, my MIL should have insisted on a paternity test when DH was a minor and under her roof. The child was 8 years old when he & I got married and there was no way that I was going to step in that murky water. MIL just wanted me to do her dirty work!! My SS' BM is a good person who has been totally honest with me and respectful of my DH & I. She has never created a problem for us & I would not dare create any problems for her by stirring up unnecessary trouble. ** SD's BM is the crazy one but not my SS' BM ** ;D

Besides, my SS looks just like my DH. Paternity test or not, that is his SON! I told my MIL that & she claims the child looks like another man the BM was sleeping with. Well, if she knew that when her son was 16 years old & sleeping with one of her girlfriends she should have stepped up & questioned it then. It was not my place to come into my DH"s life and start questioning something that I knew NOTHING about. If my SS is not his son, oh well. He is my DH's son in his head and in his heart and that is all that matters.

If you are not willing to accept his children, you should end the relationship now while it is easier to walk away. Don't wait until marriage because marriage only complicates things.