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Post by angelnmo on Apr 10, 2008 14:04:19 GMT -5
Why is it that I hear alot of scorned ladies say things like
"I'm gonna nail him to the wall in court"
"It takes two to make a child, so now you have to pay up"
"You should have used a condom, so now you have pay up"
These types of statements lead me to believe that most BMs don't seek child support as a means to provide for their child, but as a tool for revenge. Of course you see this more often with the groupies and gold diggers who "accidently" get pregnant for professional athletes and actors.
Yes, I know it takes two to make a baby, but ladies, who ultimateley shoulders most of the work. Who has to wake up every two hours to feed the baby, change dirty diapers, give up nights in the club, weekend trips, etc. The father sure doesn't. So yes, it takes two to make a baby, but I think the burden of accountability lies mainly with the woman.
Let me know what you all think on this matter.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 10, 2008 16:10:27 GMT -5
I could have gotten a more money from my ex...but I was too stubborn. I think a lot of woman feel hurt or betrayed so they want to hurt the BD in any way.
I see this first hand (where I work).
My BM was recieving c/s from my DH on a voluntary basis - she got pissed - over something separate - took him to court and only got $40 bucks more a month. She didn't want the $$$ she wanted to be a Pain! We thought it was funny. He would have paid her more if she had of negoiated it with him like an adult....
Sure you deserve enough to raise your kids and women do bare a lot of the "taking care of" - but that how our world is.
Mothers are the single greatest, hardest working, most strong, most compassionate creatures on our planet. Men need us! Our kids need us! LOL!
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 10, 2008 22:08:07 GMT -5
You know a lot of women look at their own child with dollar signs in their eyes ready to cause drama anywhere they can. These are the same kids people talk about today that can spell I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T and can't spell their name. Usually neglected by the mother as well as the father. Y because the father is not with the mother or he feels his check replaces his duties as a father. And the mother is busy trying to get the father back, causing drama in the father's life or looking for the next busta/meal ticket to come around.
Your right the woman bears the burden if both parents arent involved, but that's were you have grandparents, aunts, cousins, god mothers/fathers, and family friends raising the kid! I know some of you have to deal with other relatives keeping your man's kids right?
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 10, 2008 23:10:44 GMT -5
Should children be called burdens? I think the child carries the greatest burden because they have to be placed in the middle of all of this mess when they did not ask to be here. The child was not a fly on the wall switching from the man's shoulder to the woman's shoulder shouting "Please turn me into a baby so I can be a burden". The didn't created his/herself and sure wouldn't be here if he/she knew that they would have to live is such chaos. Think about it.
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Post by Keia on Apr 11, 2008 22:01:41 GMT -5
I think it is both parents responsibility. If they both laid down and made the child they both should shoulder responsibility. True the woman will most likely want to keep the child and be the custodial parent. The custodial parent works harder than the non custodial parent and therefore in my opinion is entitled to financial compensation from the parent doing the least. It is only fair, that's why it is law. Don't just blame the mom he participated as well as she did and he should have to pay the price just like her. Ultimately it is the child who benefits by having lights, gas, clothes, shoes, food, and a custodial parent who isn't stressed the Hell out.
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Post by justvisiting on Apr 11, 2008 22:19:22 GMT -5
the cust parent shoulders most of the parenting responsibilities. If cust parent doesn't want to shoulder responsibility, shared custody is an option. A custo parent spends more time & money on kids. CS is based on both person's incomes. How is it that BMs have babies with men with no money but expect a boat load of money from CS. You know the man was broke when the BM laid down with him.
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Post by Keia on Apr 11, 2008 22:30:10 GMT -5
My situation was different he had a good job, we had a good time, I got pregnant accidentally. Had a prior abortion would not do that again at time was young thought it was best. The problem with my BD came in because he had money and felt as if my baby would get me a lot of his money. I was perfectly willing to negiogate the amount each month without CS. Because we had long realized we were not meant for each other. BD decided that he didn't want to have to give up any of his money for his child. Instead decided to take a vacation LOL!!!!! It's funny now but it wasn't then. The money was for baby and expenses we all know that but he couldn't see that. My son's dad is black. So in this case it wasnt' that he didn't have money it was that he did have money. Long story short I got the money my son is great.
It's really true some BD's that have money don't want share it with their offspring so sad!!! Like that crazy football guy that had someone shot his BM and she died but the baby still lived know he's gone to prison. It's amazing what's some BM's and BD's will do for money.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 12, 2008 2:00:46 GMT -5
Keia, you're right that the money should be for the child and all the child's expenses. Sometimes this does not mean anything to the baby mama. She feels that since the father is not exercising his visitation rights, not giving her all his check, and not paying her any attention(not giving her or the child his time). This is a reason to make his life miserable. When really he's making his life miserable by not taking the time to get to know someone who is really wonderful and special (The Child). Instead the BM spends a good portion of her life plotting and skeeming on how to "get back at him" or "get him back" by causing drama, flirting/offering sex, or hitting the pockets. What they should realize is that this kind of behavior only hurts the child. If the father of the child does not exercise his visitation rights the BM can not make him. Also if he is not willing to give his money willingly the BM should take care of the child the best she knows how. She should not have to go begging for her child. He will pay for not doing the right thing in the long run. Also the BM should not stand in the way of the father trying to have a relationship with the child whether he can contribute financially or not.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 12, 2008 5:39:40 GMT -5
Dead Beat Dads are out there! I know it. If you are any bit of a decent father, child support should not be an issue as long as it is within the guidelines designed by the state. My Dh's BM wanted MORE and she makes more money a year then he does.....
My ex husband could have paid me alimony and I could have recieved a nice portion of his retirement even after the kids were grown - for the rest of his life. I opted out. I wanted enough money to raise our children that's it. We agreed on a number (above the state guidlines in exchange for me not getting the alimony and the retirement) Saved him hundreds of thousands in the long run.
And ya know, I'm pretty sure his gf thinks I'm a money grubbin' BM. Ofcourse she doesn't see the whole picture.
Looking back I sometimes wish that we had followed that guidelines, I took my part of his retirement and alimony - but that wasn't going to benifit my kids!
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Post by Keia on Apr 12, 2008 7:59:30 GMT -5
wbmama, i like your reply. That's what I was trying to say that sometimes depending on what position your in people tend to have a 1 sided view of things. It is true that BM's do commit that type of behavior because In my opinion they got emotionally offended at some point in the process and they want that man to pay. In my case the BD and family intentionally emotionally offended me. I'm a strong person but it took a lot out me, to not resort to those type of ghetto tactics. But everyone isn't strong and some women have not been taught to behave themselves with class and dignity. We all know some females who have pretended to be something to get a man only to transform into the little skeezer she really is once she got him. A lot of times in alot of BM situations I'll bet that is the case.
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Post by Keia on Apr 12, 2008 8:00:56 GMT -5
oh yeah wbama, in my opinon girl you should've got that $$$, maybe started some trust funds for your kids or something.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 12, 2008 20:30:39 GMT -5
Keia, your right about getting the $$$. But if the agreement was made then I'm sure that was enough for them, besides the kids can always go ask him for what they need.
Wbmama, y is she taking him back to court for more money if she makes more than him. What purpose is it solving?
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 12, 2008 22:14:53 GMT -5
tellitlikeitis, this is a good idea. We do this for my SD as well, but I have to be careful because she is still a child. She told me that she was tired of being broke and not being able to go anywhere. So I started giving her cash. BM knew the child had money and did not let her go anywhere. So SD walked to the store and spent the money on candy.  I let SD know that I was angry that she did not get what she needed and she said she knows she should have gotten her shoes, but her mom wouldn't take her to the store.  ? So now I get her what she needs or give her just change (now days that's $20) |
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 13, 2008 19:10:09 GMT -5
Does the BM monitor what the child buys? See we put money on the card for specific items ( last minute unplanned needs) and give her (SD) change so she'll have something in her pocket. Once in a blue moon when she does get to visit we end up going to shop. I tell SD to get what she needs. This child will ask for items like deoderant and underware (regular hanes). Y??? We pay CS every month! I was thinking something like lipgloss or other stuff like that ugly cosmetic jewelry they are wearing!
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nana
New Member
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Post by nana on Apr 14, 2008 13:27:10 GMT -5
What really bothers me is the BM, gets nearly $400 month, but my SS wears shoes with holes in the bottom, always smells like he never showers, she lives with her mother and shares a couch with my SS. His clothes are always too tight, Pretty much none of the money is being spent on him, if you ask me, since she is living with her mama, and getting 400 a month this child should be wearing the best!!
Another case of the dead beat mama
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I let SD know that I was angry that she did not get what she needed and she said she knows she should have gotten her shoes, but her mom wouldn't take her to the store. 
? So now I get her what she needs or give her just change (now days that's $20)