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Post by Keia on Apr 12, 2008 18:19:42 GMT -5
Im just going to be real open and honest about this I hate my BD's sister. When I first met her didn't like her or dislike her she was hard to get a vibe on. BD got injured he was in ICU. She tells me...cuz me and BD had been going through it..she (sis) tells me "Don't feel obligated to come to and see him if it bother's me." Tried to say it in a nice tone to attempt to hide her nastiness. Now ya'll know I will call somebody out. So I give her a piece of my mind. Who in the hell is she to tell me not to feel obligated to come and see about my new son's father in the ICU. So I felt like if that's the way she really feels about me knowing full well that we have a child together she need not enjoy the priviledges of spending time with my son. After all, "I shouldn't feel obligated to let her see him right. Since she seems to think I don't need to feel obligated to check on BD. Fat heffer has had a problem with me ever since then. But I won't let anyone disrespect me and still have access to me and mine. Please give me feedback. To this day she hasn't seen him. Tries to put on that front like she doesn't care but I know she does she only has 1 brother and he only has 1 son. Her mom hasn't seen him either only BD. How should handle this sticky situation and do you feel that I was right or wrong?
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Post by Keia on Apr 12, 2008 18:22:51 GMT -5
Oh yeah I forgot I told her I was checkin on him for my son's sake. Regardless of my personal feelings toward him he was still my son's dad. She tell's me that it's not just about my son's sake it's about his sake (BD.) Yeah, maybe to her. To me only about my son. What do you think about this.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 12, 2008 19:55:30 GMT -5
Keia, you should have every right to be angry at your BD's sister. She has basically disrespected you in a nonchalant way which is not acceptable. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but BD sis is just being over protective of her only Bro. and he's probably the baby bro. Thing about these Fat aunties is that sometimes they expect their bro's significant other to form a relationship with them so they can see what they are really about and if they measure up enough to be with their brother. In this case it did not happen. His accident was only the icing on the cake. So then the issue about the paternity test comes up (the baby is his) and nothing is changed. They (BD mom and sister) have a problem with letting you in the family unit. See not only is she hurt that bro did not have a longer relationship with you "because she didn't really get to know you", she is hurt because you have the "upper hand" (your term). BD sis and BD mom may not care about the child if they haven't spent anytime with him. They may just be satisfied knowing that they have a nephew or grandson somewhere in the world. If your son and BD's father/son relationship is important to you then do what you can to make it work. You haven't mentioned, but I don't the family/BD has rejected the child (some people just don't do that) if this is true give them a chance to redeem themselves. Do what you feel is important to you. If checking on your BD is important to you then do it, forget what someone tells you. I guarantee you once you start coming around more with the baby. They will be able to accept your relationship (as parents) with your BD. Keeping your son away from his family is not the answer. If you don't feel confortable with you son being around them and decide against letting him see them. At least share his pictures with them. It really means a lot, because like you said "I know they care about him".
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 12, 2008 22:05:53 GMT -5
I dont think they care about my son which is why only BD is allowed to see him. I just think they're full of too much pride to admit that they really want to see my son. So rather than give in and apologize they would rather stay out of my son's life (where I want them anyway) then accept the fact that BD is simply just a greedy a**hole. I think it's a psychological thing where rather than accept the truth about BD they'd rather believe that I am the villain than realize the truth about their own brother/child. Whatever the case the sister, mom and stepfather. His mom is married have decided to attempt to flip the script and make it themselves believe I am the reason they don't see him. NO, their own guilty consciences and denial of the truth are the reason he does not see him and they don't. I won't allow BD to him to take him away from my presence. Some people can't handle the truth and obviously these are lowlife weak people who don't want to accept the reality of the situation. Which is BD is the villain he laid down and helped create our child and has more than enough money to take care of him just simply wanted to hoard everything for himself. Meanwhile my son is well taken care of, in daycare and doing just fine.
Meanwhile I posted this post to get that off my chest. I feel so much better I just was really angry that these people who really don't know me well enough to form an accurate judgement of me realized they couldn't hurt me so they attempted to hurt me through my child. Only cowards do that, my son did not do anything to anyone except for be born and ask for people to love and take care of him. So until they apologize and show some interest on their own behalf he will continue not to see them and I don't believe he's missing out on anything. I'd rather him be only loved by us (my fam) then be mistreated anymore than he has by them.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 12, 2008 22:19:20 GMT -5
Keia,
What would you like for his family to do in order to gain your approval to see your son? You obviously know the people care about your son, but they are not willing to go through the "upper hand" that it takes to get to see him.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 12, 2008 22:31:46 GMT -5
At this point there is really nothing they can do because I perceive the attack to be on me which of course I have a problem with. They are bitter about what happened to their son and want to essentially blame it on me. They don't have to ever see him if they don't want to. But in order to see him the mother and the sister must apologize to me for their maltreatment of me and him. As well as decide to pursue a relationship on their own. They just in my opinion want to continue to spite me by discouraging BD not to see him often because he listens to them even though they are wrong. I really don't want them in his life but the fact that they are not woman enough to admit wrong and correct it when it involves a small child shows that their character is seriously lacking. If they were to apologize and I felt it was sincere I would be willing to allow them to see him periodically. Just so he know's who they are but if they expect me...which I know they do because they are full of pride to come to them....they have life fu*ked up. I did my part as a BM out of respect for my son.
I could tell you so much to let you know how much denial these people are in it's ridiculous. I feel they owe me and my son an apology. That's to say in the least....so if they want to keep the door closed being prideful and arrogant they have nothing to offer my son. Like I said it's not so much as even what they did that upset me which is why im on here but why they did it. They did it all to spite me because they are bitter. Tragedy is a time to pull family close....not to try to tear people apart.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 13, 2008 19:26:31 GMT -5
Keia, You know people (adults) are not real good at apologizing. What if you never receive that apology? Is it really fair to your son to keep him away from his family? From a previous post you stated that your son could possibly be bi-racial. Do you think keeping him away from part of his heritage will help him understand his background in the future?
You sound like a great mom who wants to do everything you can to make sure your son has the best and with or without BD and his family he will get it!
You said previously that you only allow BD to see the child. How are you able to monitor who the child is around when he is with the BD?
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 14, 2008 18:00:10 GMT -5
BD has to come to my granny's or meet me at a public place.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 14, 2008 22:28:08 GMT -5
Hmmmm...You've got that all figured out....... I was not able to let my baby go until about 3 years old. This was so hard for me . If BM continues to meet you and shows he wants to do what it takes to take care of his son the way he is supporse to what age would you feel confortable letting him go by himself?
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 15, 2008 10:09:58 GMT -5
When he's old enough to talk..LOL...and tell me if anyone is mistreating him or anything like that.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 15, 2008 10:12:06 GMT -5
When re-reading my post I realized that I left something a little unclear. The BD sis, and mom have seen my child before when he was little around 4 wks. The mom again when he was 7 months but not again for sis since 4 wks and not again his mom since 7 months. My son is 18 months now.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 17, 2008 22:18:59 GMT -5
That much time is like none at all! If you can count them on your finger then no they haven't seen him. My baby could talk real good at 3 so this may be the age you can work with. You know when I called my baby she said she was hungry. Aaaugh!!! Let him keep my baby and he can't even get it right.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 17, 2008 23:01:44 GMT -5
Downazz, is your BD remarried? If he isn't, sounds like he needs a woman in his life. He doesn't sound like he has a CLUE about kids.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 17, 2008 23:29:04 GMT -5
He is now, but for a long time she was just his girlfriend. I wanted him to take the child to his girlfriend on his weekends so she could help him. Plus she has kids too. He didn't but he is better now. I worked with him and B*tched. The child helps him too. Isn't that sad?
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