HAVE YOU EVER FELT U HAD TO EARN YOUR TITLE?

[jusdntundstn]

WHEN IT COMES TO BLENDED FAMILIES MOST TITLES ARE EARNED i.e WIFEY/STEPPARENT/MOM . WHAT IS YOUR TITLE AND HOW DID YOU EARN IT?

[downazzchick]

The titles given to me were automatically given. I didn't have to earn it.

jusdntundstn, I don't think I understand what exactly you are asking. Give some more info (example) so i can make sure.

[jusdntundstn]

WHAT I MEAN IS, BEING THAT SOME OF US ON THIS BOARD ARE IN SITUATIONS WHERE OUR

HONEYS HAD CHILDREN PRIOR TO THE RELATIONSHIP. HAVE YOU EVER FELT THAT YOU HAD TO

EARN THE RESPECT/TITLE THAT YOU HAVE BY DH'S KIDS? WAS IT A GIVE IT TO GET IT

SITUATION? SOMETIMES WHEN ENTERING A RELATIONSHIP WHERE THE SIGNIFICANT OTHER

HAS OLDER (TEENAGE) KIDS, IT BECOMES HARDER TO INTERACT WITH THEM. THE YOUNGER

THE CHILD THE EASIER IT IS TO MAKE THAT CONNECTION AS WITH MY SON AND MY HONEY. DH

HAS A TEEN THAT I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING ALONG WITH BUT I NEED PRE-TIPS ON WHAT

TO EXPECT. SHE'S BEEN AROUND HER MOTHER MOST OF HER LIFE AND IM A LIL NERVOUS.

[downazzchick]

Just be yourself and you should be fine.

[stopbeingbitter]

i definetly understand what you mean about feeling you have to earn your title my fiance had a six year old daughter before we go to our relationship, and added to the fact that his BM is not ready to let go i felt i had a struggle. we would have a great weekend together and she would get wind of it and say little smart stuff to her daughter like she doesnt have to be nice to me and little things like that and when she would come back to the house she would act like she didnt have to listen or would cut her eyes. but like downazzchick said i continued to be myself (with the understanding that im grown and will be respected) and things are transforming she actually refers to me as her best friend. which i prefer kind of like tellitlikeitis said i really wasnt interested in being called a step mom (dont want el stupido to think i am trying to take her child too) I think you will be fine.

[wbmama]

2 of my ss's are older than 10 - when we got married I was joking with them and told them to call me "Step Mommy Dearest". They didn't get it - so we watched the movie. One of them said sadly "you're not like her". It was so cute!! Our relationship started slow, and then we worked up. Now, I love those kids. I sometimes feel like their "cool aunt". They talk to me about things they don't feel comfortable talking to their mom. Its taken time.

As for my SS w/ the CBM (crazy bm) he's little - loves me sometimes. You can tell he's confused. I know that CBM talks junk about me to him. I don't push myself on him. I do laugh when she calls and he talks to my DH and then asks to speak to me! She's actuallly told him no and took the phone away from him before.

[angelnmo]

I agree with everyone else's post. My situation is a little different ( the baby came years after we were together), but the same basic concept. I have learned that children (at least the younger ones) are very perceptive. They can tell when the affection is forced and fake and can tell when someone is being genuine. Just be yourself, and the children will know you are being genuine. It's hard for a child to continue being mean and angry with you when you respond to their anger with love.

[downazzchick]

U know my title was almost Mama....I remember when my SD first started to talk, she could not say my name well so when she said it it sounded like Mama. My first name and Mama are very similar and although she knew I was not her mama she called me Mama (she could say that well!). BM hated that!!!! So she ended up calling me by a nick name my hubby called me. Now she calls me by my first name when talking about me, but she doesn't address me by any certain name. If she wants to say something she just starts talking directly to me instead of calling my name. I don't like her calling me by my first name. U can tell I'm getting old. At least put Mz. in front of my first name? or maybe Auntie??? Anybody have similar situations? After putting up with this drama I know I deserve a title!

[wbmama]

I really want my SS's to give me a nick name!!!!!!

My brother's daughter calls his wife (the stepmom) MeMe. I love it.

Mine just call me by my name and my DH by his name. That's too boring for me. I want a nick name too!

[lovejones08]

If was funny because when My DH2B got together his child called me what my friends called me which was my nickname. Well apparently when the baby went home to BM and talked about how much funny she had with daddy and me. She was told to call me by my first name and that wasn't my name and she will not call me a nickname that my DH2B have given me. LOL!!! The special case failed to realize that I have had that nickname since school days. Just so silly! Some BMs don't like nicknames because they are a nice of acceptance, love, and admiration. This means that you are close and personal with someone when they use a nickname which is a term od endearment. Call someone by their first name is more like business or associates more like a cut and dry relationship. It's all good though because SD2B will ask me if she can call me by my nickname or mommy when she's with us. I tell her to call me what she feels comfortable calling me. She tells me that I am pretty and she's glad that her daddy is with me. So KUDOS for being yourself. I guess she disagrees with her mom because BM tells DH2B, "so I guess you're with you "UGLY" girlfriend. LOL!! We both just laugh at her and so does everybody else that we have told she said that.

[lovejones08]

It funny girl because what does that say about her if you are so ugly but he would rather be with you! LOL BMs slay me.

[wbmama]

UGLY IS AS UGLY DOES..........