I miss my stepson!!

[Nancy]

well my circumstance, truly sucks, and I need to vent and also need some advice!! My husband and I gave been together for 5 years, he has a
12 yo son. He want not married to his sons mother but they lived together when their son was a baby. They seperated when JR was
4 1/2 years old. So he was too young to remember when his mom and dad was together. My husband and his ex were seperated for 3 or 4 years before I came in the picture.

Anywayz, she pretty much still loves my husband and tries everything possible to let him know that he cant get away from her. She tries to be best friends with his sisters, (when she never even spoke to his family when they were together). And she tries her hardest to push my husband out of his sons life, she told him that when he chose to leave her he also chose to leave their son, and she would not make things easy for him.

My stepson and I have always a had a nice relationship, we always got along fine. But recently his mom has realy kicked up her game. She has tried to do many things in the past (too many to list) but I never alowed it to get under my skin. But the things that she is doing know is really bothering me. She has been telling JR that the only reason his parents are not together is because of me, and if I would leave, his mom and dad would be together again. And she always tells him storys about things that they have done as a family (when he was a todler). She tells him these storys so much that he says that he remebers it and those were "the good days" and they were so very happy. And then she bought him a wallet and put about six pictures of his mom and dad together. and since she's been doing these things my stepson is so different towards me, our relationship is not what it used to be. I love this child so much and I dont want him to blame me for his parents seperation.

Yesterday, he also stated that he wouldnt want a brother or sister, unless his mom and dad have the baby together. I didnt say anything, I just changed the subject and took him to the swimming pool. And then cried later.

I realize that my husband had a past and that isn't what bothers me. The pictures dont bother me, its the fantasy that is being placed in his head that his parentswould be together if it wasnt for me. His mom is obsessed with my husband, he has had to yell at her "I will never get back with you"
But she is not hearing it, On my college graduation she showed up wearing low back shirt and she had a big tattoo of my husbands name starting from one shoulder to another,like they say "there is no furry like a woman scorn"

I dont know what to do, or how to act. I am so nice to my step son, the only time I yell at him is when he pees all over the toilet and the floor, and I sit or step on it. yuck---But other than that, I cut his finger nails always bake and cook with him, I am extremely unatheletic but I still try to play basketball with him, I help him with his homework, and I definetly dont try to be his mother, only a friend. And we built a nice relationship, but now its all sinking. CRY

[Keia1]

Obviously this woman is a BM scorned. She doesn't want your man in her son's life because it causes her too much pain. Unfortunately your stepson is young and trusts his mom so he will believe what she says. She is definitely making sure that if he's not in her son's life, you won't be either. She may not really even want your husband....just doesn't want you to have him. Some people live by that "if your love is real it has to withstand competition" rule. If I were you I would loving explain to your stepson that his mom and dad are not together because his dad doesn't want to be with her. He decided this before you came into the picture. You just want him and his dad to be happy and that his mother just want's to believe it's you and not his dad so that her feelings won't be hurt. Explain that you are not trying to hurt his mom, him or his dad you just want to love him and his dad and be an asset to both of them. So explain that him and his dad can create new memories and have new fun together just him and his dad and sometimes you. Then give him time to get older and put all the pieces together for himself 12 is pretty young. Keep showing him love and ask dad to back u up on it.

[Nancy]

Thank you keia!!!

[lovejones08]

Good advice Keia, only I would get his father more involved with that conversation with the SS. Maybe you all could sit down together and DH explains the situation between him and his mother. All you have to continue to be loving and when he matures he may conceptua;ize life a little differently and see the situation for what it is. The mother is only making her sons life difficult in the long run and he will be angry, bitter, and enter unhealthy relationships due to his mother, but you keep postive. It may be hard at times and it may hurt but silence and actions speaks so much more truth then redundant words. If his mothers says you're EVIL but when he's with you all he sees is LOVE it will be hard to refute that and then mother dearest will have some questions to answer and situations to explain.

[wbmama]

I agree, the father needs to talk to him. 12 years is old enough to understand some of the truths.

DH could suggest that he, the kid and the BM sit down together and answer some of his questions