Not allowing visitation

[Keia1]

I've read a lot of stuff in threads about people putting up with crazy drama because if the BD doesn't he wouldn't be able to see his kid. I'm trying to figure how a BM can with hold visitation from a father. The courts will allow visitation time outside of the home or in the home. With my son before the accident I never denied him the opportunity to see our child even in my home. If he wasn't in the accident I would still let him get him (as long as support was paid I know people don't agree with that but you make em you support em) or you don't get to enjoy em. That's my philosophy it may be a bit tainted but from the time I spent as a single mom it is hard work. Could it be possible that men by giving in to this type of manipulation created the very BM Drama situations we have discussed on this board. I've never intentionally tried to keep BD away from my son. Now I have intentionally kept BD away from me because I was 2 wks post c-section and he was threating to take my son away and take me court....and so on and so on. I didn't need the stress or the drama. So my question is looking back what do you think you could've done as a BM or your BD, DH could've done differently to avoid this drama.

[wbmama]

Sometimes court ordered visitation is only worth the paper its written on. In MOST cases, folks respect (key word) the judge's order and just go with it. Then there are the rare folks (my BM) who feel that they are superior to whatever a Judge would say. My BM has racked up enough contempt to make a judge cringe. Here's the problem....$ and time and stress of going back to court. My DH is tired of the court fight. If a BM don't want the BD to see his child there are ways to make him so miserable - he stays away.

So sad.

I would never be that kind of mom - no matter how much I hate the EX.

[jusdntundstn]

I know its all said and done tellitlikeitis, he shoulda listened to ya. Hopefull next time around he'll know better.

Actually this was one thing I meant by earning titles, he had to see for himself that you knew better. Like wbmama also mentioned about siding with bm and how we can see right through them. This type of sh!* urkes me. But DH's are like kids sometimes you cant tell them anything, they' rather learn the hard way. Then they get bit on the A$$ AND all we can do is say I TOLD YOU SO. Gurl u sound like to got your DH's back 110% and its only right for you to be overprotective of yours. YOU Go Gurl.

[lovejones08]

My DH could've listen to mama, daddy, sister, friends, and himself and kept his d**n pants buttoned and zipped!LOL!!! She was silly before you had the baby.....but being young he obviously didn't get it and you know young men are in the girl thingy race without thinking about the consequences, hopefully their sons won't make the same mistake. He surely is suffering the girl thingy race consequences now, but he has grown tremendously thanks to the girl thingy race.

[downazzchick]

Keia, girl I would love to be able to go back in time so I can figure out where it all went wrong, but I just can't. I'm like lovejones, I think it started at conception! I did not prevent that so, here we are. Girl, I have never prevent my BD from seeing his child (whether he's paid up or not). I don't want to be the blame later when my child marries her own cousin. It hurt at first when she went but I just "GOT OVER IT!" I monitored closely the first few times, but then it got better. He understood what I expected and made sure he brought his parenting skills to my level. I really liked that because he proved that he respected what I wanted. (Example: I would send her best clothes (church) to his house so she would be looking her best. A few times when he brought her home she would still be in her church dress, suckers stuck to the dress, it was dirty where she had played outside in it, hairbows would be off her head and her shoes scuffed up.) I don't feel like I pulled a typical BM move, but I b*tched about those dresses until he bought her some more! After spending extra money on dresses he had (watched get ruined) Now he knows to change her clothes immediately after church. One day I met them immediately after church and he had her clothes in hand saying I need to get her changed. I just sat back and nodded. I guess you have to give them time to learn what you want them to learn and they can't do that if you stand in their way!


lovejones, girl you are so funny!!!!