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Post by wbmama on Apr 16, 2008 11:45:57 GMT -5
I am so sorry. Ya know, when the same sh** happens - why didn't we see it coming?
I do that. I keep thinking that one day she will appreciate our kindness and see what we are doing is for the best of the child.
HELL - Girl - spend that $$ on you!
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Post by wbmama on Apr 16, 2008 11:49:13 GMT -5
If she's anything like my BM - there is nothing to hide - she wants to keep you guessing and wondering about her. She wants to get in your head. The b**ch probably didn't even move. Its just a game. Don't play into it.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 16, 2008 19:58:23 GMT -5
Bottom line is.....that is HER daughter and if she want's to deny her daughter's blessings that on her and her daughter. Take heart knowing that YOU have done the right thing and know that is not your fault or DH's fault if SD doesn't have the things she needs. I know it's hard to take a back when someone is so terribly wrong and causing the child harm but I would just chill out on it. Not pushing my beliefs on you or anything but prayer does change things. It may not change her but it can sure change and help you. I've been doing it a lot recently and it's been working. I told him I was looking for a place to vent and heal and low and behold I found this site.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 17, 2008 4:18:28 GMT -5
We're at the same spot - stepping back for a while. Everything is just one big fight with our BM. Something as simple as weekend visitation is made into a nightmare. I'm like you Tellitlikeitis, I've tried and tried (not because I like her - but becuase I care about my ss).
I think you're girlfriend is right in your case and in mine. My DH has been ready to step back for a while and I kept pushing him. Now, I'm sick of the fighting. The kids are missing out - but its not our choice.
Giving up is not loosing - its maintaining your sanity and probably giving the child a break from the craziness too.
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 17, 2008 11:53:56 GMT -5
tellitlikeitis, you can be as nice and giving as you want to be and we tend to put way to much faith in BM hoping that at least they would do right for the sake of their children, but sadly this is not always the case. You can't change a person you is comfortable in misery and drama. You have extended yourself not it's time to focus on your family pray for hers and to what you can. say the serenity pray before even dealing with her. Bottom line that his still DHs child so maybe set up a bank account or savings fund for her with her name on it and when she is old enough she will have money for college, or whatever. That will be her gift from daddy and stepmom. It's about SD not BM never forget that. SD is just not old enough to be her own individual but the day will is coming. Stay focused and keep your head up. Don't let her tear down you happiness for today. She's not worth it at all, my sister.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 17, 2008 14:03:00 GMT -5
tellitlikeitis, I know you are angry right now. You have every right to be. Please save the card for the child. It is not her fault. The child could not fix this situation if she wanted too.
You are so good to her and her mother keeps standing in the way of that!
I know this makes you want to shower everything you have on your own children, but just look at it this way. You are a rational individual so your own kids are receiving much more than SD everyday because you are taking care of your business.
Please don't react on impulse. Save the money and give the card to the child personally.
You know I talk to my SD a lot on the phone is there anyway that you can do this. SD is old enough to reach out to you herself. My BM would ground SD off the phone so she couldn't call me and she would wait and call me during lunch on a friends phone. We hate to be secretive around BM back, but we have to. SD has to sneak and call her Daddy like this too. The only problem is he can't take his cell to work with him and she is home when he gets off to get his messages. SD can give you the address. Your husband can also request the child's grades from the school so that he will be updated on what is going on with the child. The school will also have the most recent address info. Try different avenues, but don't play her game or play games with her. Work around and through the situation to make it better for SD.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Apr 17, 2008 21:10:36 GMT -5
Gurl i aint got nuthin to do but tapp away at this computer right now (lol). Why are tired is because and I have to agree with kiea1 for just a moment about gettin into bd/bm issues. If dh aint pressin the issue to much, then u shouldnt worry yourself. You was gettin to the point where you were your foot was much more deeper into the sh!* than his was. Your heart is in the right place sweethart but let that be his pile of dogg doodoo. U Feel me?
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 17, 2008 22:53:41 GMT -5
Me too. DH is at work.....
tellitlikeitis....I can tell your frustrated with this last trick she pulled. I know you were excited about her getting the card. That is sad that you can not talk to the child. We had this problem before with SD and I told DH that I was just gonna get her a cell added to our plan so I could talk to her when I wanted too. The first thing DH said was "U better not get that girl a phone." I wanted to just jump the gun without thinking. I had already picked out a cute little phone with a camera, video, and mp3 player. He said BM would damage the phone just cause she could. We were going to modify our plan to add my daughter and I wanted SD to have the same. He said NO! I was mad of course because SD does not have any of the above items. Y? She has to beg and borrow from other people.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 17, 2008 22:57:26 GMT -5
I actually talked to BM about DH & I getting SD a cell phone for xmas. Of course BM said that she was going to get one but she did not understand how pre-paid cell plans worked. I explained it to her (trying to be nice to her). BM said she got SD cell phone & would give DH cell phone #. How about DH called SD & BM would not allow SD to give DH cell phone #. She probably threatened to take the phone away. BM just wants to make sure DH will have to go thru her to reach SD for as long as possible. Pitiful but typical.
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Post by downazzchick on Apr 17, 2008 23:32:37 GMT -5
I think the cell phone was more financial for us because although we pay CS every month whatever we see she needs we get. And that cell was gonna be extra we put out every month. Just like her car. The deal for next year is that we buy her a car, but her mother has to pay for the insurance. I don't think that is gonna work because the car I get for SD will be better than what BM drives. I already see the conflict.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 18, 2008 9:15:26 GMT -5
Yep - that is typical CBM behavior. Poor kid. I know that whatever we mail will end up in the trash, calls aren't returned, any attempts to do the right thing by your child are blocked by the CBM.
I've determined that our CBM wants to make my DH look bad to the child so that she can play the "hero". She's the single parent suffering from a deadbeat dad who don't give a crap about his son.
Luckily, we have emails, letters, etc...to show my ss one day when he asks his dad "why didn't you want me?" We want that kid - badly. I would love to have him full time. Hell, we have to fight for a even alittle bit of time with him.
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