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Post by Keia1 on Apr 21, 2008 20:25:50 GMT -5
I disagree, BD should've kept it in his pants if didn't want extra responsibility and as far as custody goes he may not want to actually keep the child that's why he's helping her to keep the child and stay on her toes...Cloudy...what state do you live in? Cause with that mentality no wonder it's so hopeless for some BM/BD situations.......people telling other people what is or is not their responsibility...if BM dies....that leaves BD with responsibility...If BD dies or is disabled that lives BM with responsibility if child is ill....or extremely injured again that involves both of them....their is NO separation from responsibility when one has a BM or BD. they should help each other....Fortunately my dad is a millionaire so it was nothing for him to help her.....that was play money to him. Some of these men need to get their game up or stop making babies they want to make excuses about why they can't provide for them.....As a father he is responsible for all childs needs...as well as BM.... if Bm gets new man that takes responsibility then Bd is upset. I don't care what anyone says BM and BD are always a team even if they don't like. Where one falls short the other WILL have to pick up...I"m a living witness.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 21, 2008 20:32:25 GMT -5
Example of what I'm talking about: BM has job...BD has job....BM's car breaks down. BD works different schedule from BM... should BD take BM to work and pick her up so she can get that money to keep thing running for her and her kids till she can get car fixed....I say yes. Whether they like each other or not...they can still help each other have the best for themselves and the children involved.... if other people stay out of their business. Should she pay him gas money....yes. They should in and ideal world and society work together not against each other. But hurt feeling, greed and selfishness come into play. Same thing if BD car breaks down....she know he has to pay cs. Should she take him to work if she can...Hell yes...she's only helping herself and the kids if she does. What do ya'll think?
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 21, 2008 20:32:58 GMT -5
Cloudy, I will say this...You may feel that based on my posts, the BM & I speak a lot, we really don't. It is just that when we do communicate, there is drama....We speak maybe 2-3 times per year....
I could start to attack you and try to insult you but why? I am just not that pressed to argue with you. What can I do to you over the Internet? And, for that matter, what can you do to me? Nothing...If you have constructive advice, based on your experience, I will draw from it. But, this is really childish...We are two grown women who will probably never cross paths other than this forum. Again, it is just not that serious for me because neither one of us can provide a huge value to each other's lives.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Apr 21, 2008 21:09:16 GMT -5
I'm sorry but I got to add to this, Keia wasnt you the one talkin about keepin out of bm/bd business...? And If and two people with a child arent together anymore, it is not the others reponsibility to kiss the booboo when they fall short. This is why people move on with their lives and have bf's (in ur case the down low guy) and gf's, family, friends, a taxi, the bus. There are alternatives. I dont know where people get the idea that they are owed this service...This is just what I think.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 21, 2008 21:10:25 GMT -5
A team alright... A team apart. YOU ARE NOT WITH HIM ANYMORE! THERE IS NO TEAM!! You do what you need to do for the child and that is that. Nothing else. Where I live, OSCE does not play with these BD/BM. Your wages are garnished immediately after the order and there are consequences if you donot pay. AND where I am from MOST people don't play that BMD game and that's why I am ANTI-BMD to this day. In my family when a man and woman break up and have a child(ren) they never go back and forth as a "team" they just take care of what the child(ren) need. They show up to events for the child(ren) and they are advised when the child(ren) are ill. When the child(ren) get older, they come to visit the other parent on their own, in which, there is no need for the BM and BD to contact each other unless emergencies arise.
The only time when teamwork comes into play is when it will benefit ALL parties involved like: doing taxes (alternating years when claiming) or watching the child while the other parent is enjoying personal time or business. Teamwork should not only be one-sided and only work out for only ONE parent.
And there's that one-sisded thinking again:
[glow=red,2,300]"BD should've kept it in his pants"[/glow]
And where in the hell were you when he decided to take it out of his pants? In a d**n comma? You could have kept your legs closed or you could have made him wrap it up (it only takes a minute to do.) So get out of here with that mess you're talking.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 21, 2008 21:12:11 GMT -5
Hello? That is what public transportation is for... Please!
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 21, 2008 21:19:51 GMT -5
Tellinit:
There's nothing childish about what I am saying. You are reading MY responses and obviously taking offense to them. I'm just calling it the way I see it and that's it. I'm not looking for a debacle. I don't wish to cross your path, but when you air your dirty laundry out for the public to see, be ready for criticism whether good or bad. I just don't agree with dealing with paying for CS married or not. The BD needs to handle that.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 21, 2008 21:41:08 GMT -5
Cloudy, again..Thanks for your opinion. I m glad that you feel so strongly about not dealing with paying for CS. When you marry or re-marry, you can take that stance with your spouse. You have aired your dirty laundry as well. I just choose not to make accusations about you that I don't know about. I feel that this situation is childish. But, you have a right to handle yours the way you feel is right, as do I.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 21, 2008 21:44:10 GMT -5
Thanks your point is taken.
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Post by KIA on Apr 22, 2008 0:27:34 GMT -5
i have just recently found this website and i have been curious to see what other people deal with as far as BMD, because i am brand new to this world... i was gonna introduce myself and my situation but before i did that, i saw this thread and felt like, as an unbiased opion, i would have to agree with cloudy on a lot of different things. now like i said, i am brand new to dealing with BMD and everything that goes with it. and i know that every situation is quite different... well i might as well give a quick overview of my life.. i met my DH over 3 years ago, fresh out of a divorce from his ex. before the divorce, he was deployed with the first group to iraq in 2003, and during this time, BM took every penny of his earnings and took every piece of furniture that they had.. when he returned, there was a playstation controller in his living room floor and -$6,000 in his savings account... to say the least, she took the kids (2 kids) and cleaned him out! he took it with a grain of salt and started over in a new place where he met me. now, since i have known him and her, she has had a job once... and it lasted about 2 months... to this day she calls asking for extra money because "something" came up and she needs "extra" money. and i dont mean $20 bucks... more like $700! is it his resposibility to pay her extra money when she doesnt want to work, she gets cs, but she refuses to work in order for her bills to get paid? I THINK NOT! especially since she started out taking about $35,000 worth of money and furniture! and he is current on his cs... now we are married and we have 2 kids together. i just think if the BM actually tried to work or do better for herself and the kids, DH would actually want to help her out here and there. there have been a few times that she wanted us to take the kids and move them here with us(perfectly fine with us both), under the condition that he still pays her cs!! what?!! she's the type that is money hungry and there is no helping those types... just my opinion  i am glad to finally be apart of this community though! i look forward to sharing different opinions with you all!!  |
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Post by KIA on Apr 22, 2008 0:33:51 GMT -5
I am not condoning the BM that cannot do for the child though. And NO the BD should not fix BM car or giver her cash (just because she's short,) or put food in her mouth. If he is doing all of these things, then he is more stable and need to be the custodial parent. If the BM is sitting back and saying things like "I can't pay the electric" or "I don't have hot water" then that becomes a neglect issue. If the BD has to provide for another home and he has one of his own, he needs to cut the cost and get custody and that BM needs to move with relatives until she can get her priorities straight. Maybe she needs to pay some child support for a change. When I speak of paying cs to a BM I mean the responsible and sensible ones that don't sit home and wait for a little extra cash for little incidentals just because she has this man's child(ren.) Because whether a BD is in your life or not, he will still end up doing the basics and the basics aren't: [glow=red,2,300]"[paying] BM's bills, help her out when she's short on cash"[/glow] to clarify, i was partially agreeing with this statement.... |
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 22, 2008 10:42:59 GMT -5
Cloudy in my opinion you are distorting what I said... I said BD wifey and gf should stay out of they BM/BD drama. Just like BM husband or bf should stay out of the BM/BD drama. I agree with you on that one. But until the children are old enough to ask the parent for what they need or call on their own and are smart enough to handle things in my opinion age 13 then BM/BD are a team to get things handled for the child. They do not have to like it but it is the way it is that's why MEN are forced to pay cs...they court doesn't just say what you said" you could have made him wear a condom" making it seem like it is all the woman's fault. Which by the way is totally ignorant....the male controls his ejaculation not the woman...he should have pulled out or guarded his wallet by wearing a condom. IT IS BOTH PEOPLE'S FAULT AND RESPONSIBILITY. Part of respecting your children is respecting their parent...you may not like them but they will (if they know him or her) love them....how can you call yourself a good parent when you're not respecting the very person besides yourself the kids love most. They don't understand what went wrong. Just like the website says...the kids are the ones who get hurt in the end. There is nothing wrong with helping each other if possible. To hinder the other parent which what JUDGES are trying to get people to see is to HINDER the CHILDREN. Why do you think laws are so strict about cs.
The problem is new gf or bf comes into the picture and then wants to regulate the relationship because in my opinion some are intimidated by their history and then it turns into a mess. Or in my case supposedly well meaning family members start inserting their two cents, or bd or bm just doesn't want to cooperate and do their share. Those are the TOP 3 reason for BM/BD drama. There are others. My mom and dad used to go to the store together sometimes to buy me school clothes....she would pick...he would pay. I even remember them going half on certain things. They were no longer dating....daddy was and is still with his wife.....she was NOT insecure. If you know you have your man....there is NO reason to fear another woman or her motives. (once again if this is not you do not take offense.) She knows about me, even met her once.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 22, 2008 10:43:55 GMT -5
KIA that Kia is not me....Keia1
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Post by KIA on Apr 22, 2008 17:15:10 GMT -5
KIA that Kia is not me....Keia1 YEA... sorry about that confusion! when i register i will change my name so ppl will know that we are 2 different people! ;D |
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Post by Responsibility on Apr 23, 2008 19:00:58 GMT -5
It is not the non-custodial parent's responsibility to ensure the custodial parent has adequate transportation. If the custodial parent has a problem after receiving child support from the non-custodial parent then, the custodial parent need to re-evaluate their standard of living.
I am the fiance to a BD and it will be a cold day in hell before we pay a car note, etc. Bad enough we are having to deal with a greedy vindictive BM that is more concerned about her ex rather than the child.
BM's need to HONESTLY think about the best interest of the child rather than themselves because this harms the child each and everytime.
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