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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 23, 2008 19:29:46 GMT -5
Amen Responsibility...Child support is to help support the child, not to support the child. If it was the BM can't support the child, the perhaps she should consider turning over custody to the BD.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 19:39:33 GMT -5
BULLSH*T, what mother wants her children taken away from her, they are hers she bore them. Would you want your BD to take your kids away because you fell on hard times. You have to consider the emotional impact that would have on the mother and the child. No child.....except in abuse cases...want's to be away from their mother....hence when something goes wrong 95% of kids scream and cry "I want my mom." Why do you think the courts favor mother's. It is a lot harder to work and take care of kids on a day to day basis then most men even realize or care to know. I think there is a real lack of sensitivity here to the issues at hand...it is NOT all about money....some kids are rich and have everything and yet they commit suicide...health and well being is more than just who can provide the best. It's who can love them most and be supportive....where one parent falls short the other should pick up for the childrens sake...and if the other parent doesn't see that or gf or wifey....then they are just bad parents. It takes 2 to make it today the economy is terrible and the kids suffer the most harm having to shift from home to home and go without.....people need to grow up and stop being so selfish. Let BD deal with BM's issues.......That is why involvement should be minimal from outside sources....no if these is an ongoing continous 2 yr or more thing then maybe they need to look into some changes. But it takes TIME for a person to get on their feet.
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Post by New to this on Apr 23, 2008 19:53:16 GMT -5
Hey Kiea1 WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD? Once that child is conceived it is no longer about the mother/father. It SHOULD be about the child. The government nor society wants to take care of a child that doesn't belong to them. The law favors the custodial parent regardless of the sex. If you did your research you will see that most fathers are stepping up to the plate, it's just vindictive, lonely, jealous BMs that don't know how to let go. It's not all BM's but they few makes the majority look bad. We women tend to think with our emotions rather than logic. If you are a custodial parent that is not able to take care of the child, allow the non-custodial parent to do so until you get yourself together.
The child shouldn't have to suffer because of who its' parents are! Children deserve every opportunity there is!
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 23, 2008 19:56:37 GMT -5
New to this, Keia is our resident (no disrespect Keia) Baby Mama Expert. It is weird, but it works. She gives us a lot of insight to the mind of some biological mothers.
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 20:03:16 GMT -5
New to this if you've done your research the court favors the living arrangements the child is already in....no mother loses custody because of lack of finances......they have sec 8, TANF, FS, as well as medicaid for healthcare. You can live in shelter and still keep your kids as long as they have light, gas, heat, food and a stable address. A mother has to be proven unfit...crack heads have babies and the judge gives them back to her only for her to go back on crack again...obviously you have no real insight into the issue. Psychologists agree...that is detrimental to children to keep switching them from home to home. Most kids would rather tough it out with mom than go live with dad and some new woman that's not their mom and vice versa. Like I said if it's continous then yes maybe she needs some time as non custodial to get herself together...but I have friends who are attorneys the court will NOT rip a child away from it's mother unless.....there are extenuating circumstances.
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Post by Not disrespecting on Apr 23, 2008 20:04:42 GMT -5
Hi-
Not disrespecting just telling the truth whether she's a resident or not. There are plenty of misguided BMs that needs to understand when a child is brought into this world it is BOTH parent's responsibilty to take care of that child, not one!
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 20:08:05 GMT -5
Honey I have said that in several posts.....read before you reply..Thanks.
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New to thisnot disrepecting
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Post by New to thisnot disrepecting on Apr 23, 2008 20:18:59 GMT -5
Most BM (not all) are still tied to the emotion of the BD! It appears if you Keia is a prime example of that. Not trying to call you out but your post are contradictory and bashing the BD. If you are that displeased with the BD you should have thought of that before you decided to have a child with that person.
THE CHILD SHOULD NOT SUFFER BECUASE OF WHO IT'S PARENTS ARE!
I am a council for the State of Texas and often times BMs don't truly understand the government is for the best interest of the child and NOT the mother! Your time is gone, it is no longer about you! Please let it go!
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Post by keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 20:20:12 GMT -5
Let me clarify this because there seems to be some confusion.....what I said is the child is the mother's she carried him or her for nine months. No mother...including ALL OF YOU want someone to take U to court and take custody from U without your consent....because U have fallen on hard times. When BD if financially stable can cover a little more slack until you get on your feet. Since when is it okay to put finances above the emotional needs of your child UNNECESSARILY. Parents should work together....NOT against each other. BD should step up to the plate and do what he can to help if needed especially if he has the higher income. Now....in cases where he has stepped up to the plate and nothing has really changed then it may be time to take action going to BM first....out of consideration (a lost art) and suggesting a custody switch....she MAY agree. If not then maybe other measures may need to be taken. But what I'm referring to is worrying about finances....and just trying to take someone's child away because BD doesn't want to do more....when he can. Also if it goes that route......it's BD's decision to make alone without coercing. If he chooses to go that route then he will need to run it by his wife or gf. All the BM bashing or attempting to spite the BM is ridiculous she as people love to say "chose to have a child with that woman." I feel it's his job to decide what he wants to do. People are not always going to be doing good it's just a fact of life. What I'm saying in a nutshell is let BD try consideration 1st...if it doesn't work then.....it doesn't work.
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Post by New to this on Apr 23, 2008 20:33:22 GMT -5
There was NO CONFUSION....
If the BM has fallen on hard time, the BM needs to stop being selffish and allow the more stable parent the opportunity to take care of the child. It is truly selffish to make your child suffer with you!
THE CHILD SHOULD NOT SUFFER BECAUSE OF WHO ITS' PARENTS ARE!
It is NOT the BD responsibility to take care of the BM only the child!
It is NEVER okay to place finances before your child, the child isn't always better off with the BM. God, knows I am beginning to feel sorry for your child and BD. Greedy, vindictive BMs are often the ones working against the BD rather than the other way around! If BD is current on his child support payments, he has stepped up to the plate. The BM is NOT the BDs responsibility. If out of the kindness of BD and his wife/GF decide to help you out, then accept it and appreciate it because it is NOT their responsibilty to take care of BM!
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 23, 2008 20:44:50 GMT -5
Keia, a father taking custody of the child is not taking the child away from the biological parent. In our case, we kept SS until BM got on her feet. SS was free to communicate with BM anytime and vice versa. BM was not threatened by her child not being with her. She knows that she is his mother, he knows who his mother is, we know his mother...No one took SS from his mom. The mom did what was BEST for her son. That shows her character. She put her child's needs above those of her own.
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Post by jusdntundstn on Apr 23, 2008 20:49:33 GMT -5
Often times a mother who is having hard times accepts the fact that she is having it hard and often will let the father, grandparent or someone close to them take over while they get their lives together. If a both adults come to an agreement that it is temporary, what else is there to discuss? But always put it on paper...Things cant always work out in your favor. As for the fathers, bm's cant tell them what kinda father they should be...its always how, when, where, who? Its stupidity how bm's think they can control the bd's style of fathering...he cant be a father if he's constantly treated like a child, mommy always tellin him what and how to do it!
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Post by Keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 20:51:48 GMT -5
New to this....i find you funny. I'm beginning to feel sorry for small minded people like you.....read all the boards.....then come back to me........Parenting is a 2 way street having the child impacted both people's lives. BM has to have childcare to work, BD is jumping off the wall to volunteer for that...it's not just paying up...it's putting in. If two people are mature enough (obviously you're not and I know from experience there are a lot of small-minded people like you) they should help each other obtain the best outcomes for each other and the child. Some BM must have really did a number on you....you come off against all BM's. BM and BD should be a team to help the child...whether they like it or not. As much I dislike my BD and family.....I would never intentionally behave the way they did. It's immature and selfish. Like I said I've been over this before...get current then come back and talk to me...as of now....you're a hopeless case.
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 23, 2008 20:55:04 GMT -5
DH & BM #1 never had a custody agreement in place, so we never put anything on paper. BM#1 is very mature and easy to get along with. My DH paid child support for stepson (SS is 20 now) while SS was in BM's custody. We did not seek child support from BM when we took over custody. We understood that BM was not able to help support child which is why she asked DH to take in his son. DH & BM#1 never needed a custody agreement because they were able to work things out amongst themselves. He doesn't have that relationship with BM#2. Everything has to be in writing!!
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Post by awsomalx on Apr 25, 2008 11:20:25 GMT -5
Example of what I'm talking about: BM has job...BD has job....BM's car breaks down. BD works different schedule from BM... should BD take BM to work and pick her up so she can get that money to keep thing running for her and her kids till she can get car fixed....I say yes. Whether they like each other or not...they can still help each other have the best for themselves and the children involved.... if other people stay out of their business. I've perused this board for a minute or two and your postings prompted me to join. First off, I find your chronic mis-information of a BD's responsibilty to a BM laughable, if not just out right deplorable. According to the "laws" at least here in Tejas (Texas) CS payments are for Support Of The Child!! in what the courts set forth to be equal and balanced (which it really isn't for the NCP). If things worked that way, the CP would not have filed to make his/her child a Ward of The State (which is what the child becomes once CS papers are filed). Both parents are expected to support the child EQUALLY. So if the NCP is paying $400 monthly to the child, the CP should be doing the same................. PERIOD Because one custodian is not in the home should not mean that he/she becomes solely finacially responsible for all things related to the child (unfortunately in most cases, that's what happens). So if the car breaks down, it's the owners responsiblity, not the other custodial parent! ??? |
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