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Post by memeslfni on Apr 25, 2008 18:24:35 GMT -5
I believe thats whats decribed as "milking the kid card".
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Post by destini1969 on Apr 25, 2008 19:11:56 GMT -5
Wait a minute stupid a**......I said a portion...you are probably some dum a** who doesn't want to pay support....I said to HELP. Quit distorting what I SAY or don't fuc*in read my posts. It never going to be half and half unless both parents make the same...your just mad cause you have to pay......in the end it is to help the mother meets the needs of the child and hel* yeah...I spend some of that on me too. Why are you so worried about my education...just mad that I proved U wrong... sound like hating to me. Keia1 it appears as if he's not distorting what you're saying if you haven't notice he was quoting everything you've said on this post. You are a prime example of a CBM. I must say thank you for your IGNORANCE at least you're helping me understand the BM I am dealing with. It's truly sad because you really don't know any better! Like others have said on this post, I feel sorry for your child and anyone else that has to deal with you on a personal level! |
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Post by wbmama on Apr 25, 2008 19:18:27 GMT -5
Ya know - I believe in standing up for what you believe - but name calling is just unnecessary....
stupid a** or dumb a** -
makes you look low class....
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Post by destini1969 on Apr 25, 2008 19:21:30 GMT -5
My thoughts exactly wbmama! My heart truly goes out to that confused soul (Keia1)!  |
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Post by nomoredrama on Apr 25, 2008 20:04:50 GMT -5
Keia knows exactly what she is doing. She is TRYING to press our buttons by saying the most outlandish things she can think of. She is like my SD's mom. When she knows that she has hit someone's sore spot, she keeps pressing on it to annoy the person.
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Post by wbmama on Apr 26, 2008 6:31:32 GMT -5
But why? What's the point of fighting? Aren't we here because of the fighting in our lives' with the BMs.
Shouldn't this be a place to learn - express different opinions - disagree without belitting one another?
I like having a BM on here - but it appears that A LOT of BMs are too eat up with bitterness. And boy does it show!
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Post by BADCHICK on Apr 27, 2008 16:08:01 GMT -5
The non-custodial parent, who has less physical possession of the children, is generally required to pay financial child support to the primary custodial parent for the benefit of the children. Although this can take many forms, child support usually consists of periodic (e.g., monthly) payments to the custodial parent.
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 27, 2008 21:19:30 GMT -5
cloudy, what type of BMD do you have? It really doesn't sound like you have any and you seem to have it all in the bag. Good for you girl must be nice. So you must have a BM that respects you and doesn't call your cell or try to disrepect you with no warrants to do so. So I would be logical in saying that you sought this website not because you have BMD and need support, so what exactly was your inspiration for seeking something online about BMD because websites like this do not just fall in your lap?
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Post by ghgirl on Apr 27, 2008 21:23:22 GMT -5
Keia is a friend of mine and directed me to this site. For the record she has never asked her BD for extra money she uses the money she gets for her son and to spoil herself for going to school, taking care of her son alone and coping with all the drama BD and family has caused. Just thought you should know. She wanted him to help out originally, now that's she's getting a check she could care less about him helping her.
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Post by lovejones08 on Apr 27, 2008 21:46:45 GMT -5
And wbmama off the wall comments that don't even mesh appropriately with what is at hand is a part of your growth process, so no this site should not be all peaches n cream because you may need that nonsense to help you become even better with dealing with BMD it's sort of like practice.
Nothing anyone has said on here has pushed my buttons so much that I have to respond to them in a nasty way because they have spoken something that in my opinion doesn't make any gotd**n sense and actually is quite amusing and entertaining LOL!!, but that let's me know that I've grown because if a total stranger can get be all worked up then how easy will it be for BM and her nonsense. C'mon ladies grow with it you will see a difference.
For example my situation in the beginning, I had never knew any female personally with BMs name and couldn't stand to even see that name role on the credits part of a movie. It used to piss me off to even here someones name the same as hers at a deli. I would cringe to see a car like hers different color and all and wanted to run the car off road even when I knew it wasn't her, but hell THAT IS WHAT ANGER WILL DO FOR YOU because my DHs BM was just doing way to much for me and that ol school lovejones was kickin all up in my a** to find that girl and give her some mortal combat energy.
This is how God helps us grow. we have to experience it to the fullest and then share how we overcame with others who are experiencing the same situations. When I was mad as hell but I knew it would be stupid to lash out but I felt like a punk for being the bigger person and not stoopin to her level. Everybody around me had her name I'm like d**nit what is going on. My nurse, cell phone reps, store tellers and clerks, people on tv movies. i'm like KILL ME NOW and all of a sudden everybody on the road was driving the same car she did. Now i see that it helped me because as long as I am with DH I will hear her name and see her car and now I can just laugh at it all because it made be better with dealing with her foolish ways (AND THEY ARE REAL FOOLISH and really sad might I add). She makes it bad for the decent BMs.
It gets tough at times but the new lovejones can sit back and watch that sh*t called KARMA come and bite her in the a** and she will never be able to say that I did anything to her, but she can't tell Judge Mathis the same about what she hasn't done to me. I got my proofs. Fighting smart is so much more rewarding in the end (I had to learn that). I know she would kill for me to get in her a** just to say I did something to her and have a reason to keep child away even more but lovejones don't go down that easy MY FRIEND!! LOL
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Post by memyslfni on Apr 27, 2008 21:49:10 GMT -5
A woman should always make the effort to have her own whether single with kids, married, or in a relationship. It just feels good to not have to depend on BD's/Dh's money. I like to think of it as extra money on top of what I got...
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Post by BADCHICK on Apr 27, 2008 22:35:16 GMT -5
My personal belief is that a man should financially provide for the children he knows he cannot be there for like he should. In the case of a married man with a BM he should pay cs. That way both parties have a legal defense. He can say he pays cs, she has a legal claim to support. I also believe in visitation agreements that why both sides have a legal backing. In the case of a married man with a BM that child will be on the backburner a lot because in order to see baby if child is young he must go through BM. Wife will probably if insecure, have a problem with this. Therefore the father will be less driven to see the child because of the problem seeing the child causes. Wife will also be upset (in most cases) because BM is gettings DH's money and BM speaks to DH ocassionally about the child and different matters. Wife will also be upset if BM amends to the court for more money. Wife will in most cases automatically be against the BM because she is the BM simply put. Most wifes feel as if the BM is beneath them and that their opinion should count more than hers. Is is often the "I am superior attitude that fuel BMDRAMA."
This is what I have seen with my own eyes.
Meanwhile on the BM side. BM is often resentful that she carries on most child rearing duties solo. Even if she has a bf or hubby if the kids know their real dad he does not replace their dad. It is hard to blend a family..it is hard when a family is not blended. BM's often feel that wifey intereferes with effective communication with BD and does so intentionally so she won't have to get to talk to him or see him. BM feels that even though they are no longer together they still have an obligation to parent the children together hence "co-parent". Most BM's feel as if wifey or gf interferes with this again intentionally. That is when most BM's decide just to shut out BD and pursue cs.
Then there's crazy wifey, or crazy BM or just plain deadbeat mom or dad. Poor kids lose in the end.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 27, 2008 23:48:11 GMT -5
Well put BADCHICK...
You have observed situations very well. I am not a BM but I do agree on stepping aside and letting them handle the matters of the child mono y mono. If I feel like things are getting to close for comfort then I may offer my opinion. But that is just why it's an opinion because they can listen and take heed or they will totally ignore it; but that's their choice.
My mom died when I was very young and my stepmom used to yell at the top of her lungs if my dad said anything about my dead mom! Can you believe that? But I guess BM can be hated on dead or alive... But I felt so hurt when she would argue with my dad about her and I could only wonder what would have happened if she had been alive. I hated her for that. I grew up hating her for a long time after that.
Children shouldn't see a lot of bickering between the parents and DEFINITELY not the new wife/dh or gf/bf or what have you. It just adds fuel to the fire and the child will just grow up resenting the new wifey/dh.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 28, 2008 0:05:58 GMT -5
Hey LoveJones:
I didn't know that this site diagnosed BMD situations. No I don't have a serious case of BMD. But it' only because I don't interfere in the matters of the parents and the child. I am always with my friend and when he has his son (just him and his son) I step aside and let the parenting commence. I donot feel threatend by her and of course she respects me because when she met me, she knew I wasn't about the games and she also saw the difference in him (my friend). His son hugged me and sat beside me and chilled. After seeing that, what could she say?
She still tries little underhanded things, but he tells me about it and I respond by saying "Do you." He knows better and he doesn't put me in the middle of anything not even how he pays CS. I don't need to be all into that and I never will. Everyone's situation needs some fine tuning and that's why I am on here. I don't hate BM(S), I just don't like when they feel a sense of entitlement just because they had a child.
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Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 28, 2008 0:29:37 GMT -5
Hey Keia:
Are you currently dating someone? Probably not because you have so much tiime on your hands to worry about BD and his FAMILY? Out of all people. You canniot be in a serious relationship at the moment because it will ruin so quickly you wouldn't know what happened. I am sure that if you had a new man, he wouldn't be so keen on you being all in your BD face for favors and rides. NO you would try to respect that man for the sake of the relationship. See a lot of this smack you're talking is coming from having too much time on your hands.
Get in a REAL relationship and see how much you'll get to play with that BD because you have his kid.
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