|
|
Post by wbmama on Apr 29, 2008 16:54:42 GMT -5
some of this just makes me chuckle. Keia you are a BM - correct? So really you've never had to deal with a CBM. Am I right? And Cloudy - you've not met your BMs yet have you? So you're just watching the drama she's giving to your DH. Badchick - I don't know your story.
My point is - it appears that I, tellit, (and a few others) have had to go ONE on ONE with CBM's. In our face, in our sh*t, DRAMA that isn't just drama - real life stress and problems provoked by one woman who WANTS to cause you pain! You make everything sound so simple "Just stay out of it" - sure that sounds pretty but its fuc*in impossible!!!!!!!
You that haven't been there - in those specific shoes - are the ones who are so JUDGMENTAL - like you know exactly what its all about. And you obviously don't have a clue.
So why pick on Tellit or me or anyone else who's trying their best to keep this DRAMA - PROBLEM outta their family?
You've all offered some really go points and insite. And then you throw in insults and name calling with judgmental negative remarks.
Until you've been in MY SHOES - don't judge!
|
|
|
|
Post by nomoredrama on Apr 29, 2008 17:15:51 GMT -5
Well stated Keia. I try to see things from the BMs point of view. After re-reading some of my earlier posts, I realized that I did generalize about BMs. In some of my later posts, I have tried to say "some" when referring to BMs.
And Keia, I believe you are a very strong person and it will benefit you in life and in your career. No matter what we threw at you, you were firm in your beliefs and that shows tenacity and drive.
|
|
|
|
Post by wbmama on Apr 29, 2008 17:19:53 GMT -5
Oh, and Keia I am a very dramatic person...love a good drama too!
|
|
|
|
Post by destini1969 on Apr 29, 2008 17:32:41 GMT -5
Ummmm... I understand where each of you are coming from. I have been on both sides of the fence. I am a divorced mother of one and didn't receive support ex-husband, but I didn't give him any drama I was too busy trying to raise our child. Of course I filed child support/alimony and have that record in the courts. But I still never gave him drama.
I am in a relationship with my DH and am experiencing BMD. I am involved in this because she began calling and texting me, trying to get me to leave my DH.
We all have different views/opinions and ways of expression. I've learned from each of you, but I am with wbmama it's okay to disagree and have strong opinions, but the name calling is a bit much.
|
|
|
|
Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 29, 2008 19:46:08 GMT -5
I was with my ex-hubby for 15 years. I first started dealing with him when his daughter was 3. When we divorced, she was 18. Throughtout that whole ordeal, it was nothing but CBMD. I managed to stay out of it as far as talking to her. I sometimes acted as what I would like to say "counsel" to my ex when it came to dealing with her mess, but never put myself in the position of having to talk to her. I didn't want to. For what? She was ignorant and I don't subject myself to a bunch of ignorance. Her mind was made up to act an ass-for-life so I just distanced myself from that.
I have met the BMs of my ex-husband and my current friend different people, different situations, same BMD from time to time. I still stay out of it and as long as the BM does not bother me I don't get involved with that mess.
So yes I have met the BMs. I just don't play the game with them. And they know this. And yes as you would say, it works for ME. So whatever floats your boat, do so.
|
|
|
|
Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 29, 2008 19:55:59 GMT -5
Oh and yes I was all kinds of B's and a Ho. She even left messages on our home voicemail cussing the both of us out. But like I said, I don't take too well to the ignorance. I waited until she saw me because I like to look you in the face and see what's up with you in person and then react.
Of course when we met up, she had nothing to say and when she found that I wasn't as ignorant as her, she left me out of her occasional BS tantrums there after. I just don't have the time and energy for that BMD mess.
|
|
|
|
Post by destini1969 on Apr 29, 2008 21:56:13 GMT -5
I am with ya on that Cloudy! That's what I have always taught my daughter, if you have something to say to another person, BE A WOMAN ABOUT YOURS! She is living her life accordingly!
|
|
|
|
Post by wbmama on Apr 30, 2008 5:14:52 GMT -5
Cloudy - sounds like it worked out well for you. I've noticed that the more I stand back - the harder she comes for me. The last conversation I had with her in Feb. was were we agreed to get along. After that she went even more nutso on me. I was under the impression we were getting along - I called her and left a message for SS to come to a b/d party. She raised hell after that.
She's played that game with me before - I just didn't see it coming. (the lets be friends - Screw you - game)
The more I ignore the more nastys she throws my way. I'm still ignoring though.
For the record, I have reacted far less times than she's come after me. MANY MANY MANY less......
|
|
|
|
Post by cloudy752001 on Apr 30, 2008 5:47:01 GMT -5
See I don't even agree to be friendly with them. I just say handle your business as far as the child goes. I don't care if I ever see the BM and I don't expect them to show up to anything (i.e. his family get togethers or anything that she was not invited to.) And I think that is why a lot of BM get so angry because they lose the little control they had before.
The reason I always say I stay out of it is because when it comes to matters of dealing or butting into our relationship, I expect the BM to do the same.
I think I've mentioned this before, but when I was a kid, I never saw my aunts or uncles go back and forth with BM/BD. They split up and that was that. I would sometimes wonder why Aunt Sue or Uncle Pete were not around any longer. My cousins would always be with one parent one weekend and the other the next.
They shared the repsonsibility, and stayed out of each other's personal lives. When they became involved with someone else, I just knew that I had a new uncle or aunt in our family. I've never seen so much drama as I do today. I was always bought up to believe that when it's over, it's over. The child is the only link and that was what was important.
And visitation was a must in my family because everybody needed a break. So I don't even understand why some BM/BD keep their children away if the other parent is of sound mind. My aunts and uncles were looking forward to getting their breaks EVERY time it was the other parents visitation week. I can remember my cousins saying "My mother was glad that I had to come with my dad this week because she was going to slap me silly!" Nothing abusive, my cousin just had a smart lip.
|
|
|
|
Post by memyslfni on Apr 30, 2008 13:34:15 GMT -5
Thats exactly what Im used too.. Keepin it simple. For instance, Yesterday my bd came to our regular meet up spot to pick up our son and take him to the movies. 2-3 hours got him back and that was that. I cant say it has always been like that, It does take work..Some bm's/bd's like to hold to that dream that they'll get back together...and that wasnt gonna happen..Its taken alot of convincing him that he has eventually got to get on with his life...so just recently he decided to mention that he MIGHT have another child...By a woman that was married..wow...I said find some business, not be stupid...Of course he wasnt mentally or financially ready for another child and feels he would be putting another child before our son. I had my daughter with my current bf prior to this. (By the way it was his way of thinking that drew us apart) Im just like if the child is urs, take responsibility. U just have to step ur game up. ( whatever to keep him out of my affairs)
|
|
