|
|
Post by Keia1 on Apr 23, 2008 21:26:24 GMT -5
I am I on glue or is the root of lot of this BM/BD drama simply bad intentions.....which can be on BM or BD's side.
My story: I felt that BD should've have financially helped me out with baby's expenses and bills at the house etc. till I got out of school. He worked fulltime......then when I graduate I take over baby's expenses and he go back to school. That way we'll both be in a good financial place for baby....whether we were together or not. Good plan? Bad plan? Ladies what do you think.
|
|
|
|
Post by nomoredrama on Apr 23, 2008 21:45:33 GMT -5
It would work if you & BD were a couple. Couples do that when they are working together. You and DH aren't a couple. The most you can hope for his child support to help you while you go to school. You should also be able to qualify for grants for school since you are a single mother.
|
|
|
|
Post by New to this on Apr 24, 2008 17:08:15 GMT -5
Keia1, if the BD agrees to help you out in this case it would be wonderful, but please understand he is not obligated to do so. For something more definite or more concrete you can file child support or you guys create an agreed upon contract and use that rather than the courts.
A signed/notarized agreement amongst the two of you will hold in court. Please understand BD helping you out is optional.
Hey there are a lot of grants for single parents you might want to check into it for your state.
|
|
|
|
Post by wbmama on Apr 24, 2008 17:14:57 GMT -5
I think that could work - but I wouldn't trust it for nothing. Many mom's get thru school going part time etc. And there is money out there that could help you.
I wouldn't lock into anything with him.
|
|
|
|
Post by nomoredrama on Apr 24, 2008 19:59:10 GMT -5
Keia, my sister was single with 2 children when she earned her associates in nursing. She graduated the 2nd in her class. The GPAs were the same, so the school had to look at the grades. My sister had received 1 B, so she graduated 2nd in her class. My sister was a single mother with 3 children when she earned her Bachelors in Nursing. She obtained her education not by being angry that BD not helped her. She obtained her Bachelors thru her own persistence and hard work.
Forget about your baby daddy helping you. Do it yourself and it will make obtaining your degree that much more special.
|
|
|
|
Post by memyslfnI on Apr 24, 2008 22:01:27 GMT -5
Keia, have u presented this proposal to bd? And if so what was his response?
|
|
|
|
Post by Keia1 on Apr 24, 2008 22:20:49 GMT -5
I should have clarified this a little further...I don't need his help...this is what I believed should have happened between us whether we were together or not after my son was born. He was not helping me personally....but helping out with the expenses for the child and bills(not all) at the house where the child resides until I finished school. I graduate in Dec....did it without him. This is just what I believed should have happened. My point is simply lack of cooperation is what kills a lot of BM/BD situation. Fortunately....I learned that I am strong on my own....I don't need him....but if he was smart....he would've taken that offer, no cs just voluntarily helping out....in my opinion he was a FOOL.
|
|
|
|
Post by BADCHICK on Apr 24, 2008 23:08:03 GMT -5
Keia,1 agree with you.....it was a pretty good deal to get an eduction and avoid cs. But obviously he didn't want to do it. I bet he had something up his sleeve that he thought was going to work out in his favor better than what you were offering. It seems like to me you are saying he wanted out of the relationship to get out of the responsibility. I think he didn't want the responsibility to begin with and once you got pregnant and he realized it was going to cost him something he wanted you and the baby to get out of dodge. And since he couldn't get you out of dodge he decided to get out of dodge himself. I've seen that happen before. I guarantee you that if given time he would have moved out of state to avoid paying cs. Unlike the rest of the board I sympathize with you.
You had no real way of knowing he would behave that way. Sometimes you can be with a person for a long time before realizing who they really are. The same with some of the other members crazy bms what happened is that after your bf's got with them they realized they were crazy and had issues. The same empathy you apply to your bf should be applied to Keia1to the only difference in their situations is that Keia1 is a female and the custodial parent and the Bd are noncustodial and paying child support. They all got played by somebody's elses immaturity. It happens. But Keia I wouldn't let him get away with not paying support. You can't change what happened but you can be compensated for your trouble and make life better for you and your child.
|
|
|
|
Post by nomoredrama on Apr 25, 2008 3:19:34 GMT -5
We are harder on Keia sometimes because of post she has made about her baby's daddy. She has made it known that her son is bi-racial. She has consistently referred to his race on several occassions and made derogatory comments about his race. Below is a post by Keia regarding her baby's daddy's race.
Keia's post:
"African-American males have historically abandoned their offspring.....the black family structure is the WEAKEST of all the races. I am not being racist by making the statements....but I am pointing out the facts. It has often been said that AA mothers are the causes's of their son's demise.......they don't have father's who else is responsible for raising them.....Ebony did an article about sexism in the AA culture and how girls are pushed much harder and boys are let slide............her son was wrong point blank...but she didn't call him on it. Now if my situation happened to her daughter......she'd see it differently.....SEXISM in the AA culture IS a problem....don't stay in DENIAL. As well as a lack of moral character and values which is what Bill Cosby was talking about. It has been replaced with the desire for things that AA believe will give the confidence and self-esteem. I'm AA I consider myself it but I speak the truth about my culture as well as others. Sorry if it offended U personally."
If you are reading this post, do not confuse those with my words. They are Keia's words. I have many friends, family members, and associates who are or have been single parents. I completely sympathize with those women because being a single parent is A LOT of work. I respect my DH's BM because she is raising a very respectful teenage daughter as a single mother. But, when a woman makes such racist statements about her baby's daddy, my thought is that why should she expect more of HIM when she obviously thinks so low of his race? She should not expected anything of him if she truly believes what she posted above.
Keia has always given us some colorful and amusing posts. I have learned to respect her view as a BM. But, I was blown away when she made that post yesterday. It is just hard for me to sympathize with her now....
|
|
|
|
Post by wbmama on Apr 25, 2008 8:32:04 GMT -5
I missed that post.
I really can't believe Keia's statement- I've always viewed black folks as having strong family ties. At least all the ones I know do.
Keia1 - I think you have a problem generalizing people. Where they're from - what color they are...
Seems to me like we are talking about one race - the HUMAN RACE.
Funny thing - I had a co-worker yesterday say something to me like "I'm a single mother". Her kids are over 20 yrs old.! She has learned to use that comment as a crutch, an excuse for everything.
I also work with a woman who is a single mother by choice. Never a complaint.
I don't have a lot of sympathy for single moms. Sorry. I think that the fact that your body was able to produce that beautiful little blessing should make up for all the hard times you have.
I know widows - women with small kids who's hubands are killed. They pick up their head and keep moving. One of my best friends had a kidney transplant, she cannot have children. She wants a baby bad. Her body won't allow it. I gave birth once and then my body wouldn't allow me to do it again. We adopted a child with some serious special needs.
Count your blessings. You kids are a blessing. Your kids' health is a blessing and so is your.
Life is hard - parenting is hard whether you have help or no help. Its all about your kids - if you want to wallow in what you DON'T have you'll never have anything.
|
|
|
|
Post by BADCHICK on Apr 25, 2008 13:13:34 GMT -5
Tellit, that comment was in response to what someone else said about it. Now you are taking it out of context. It seems as if you have something personal against Keia. I read several posts that you called her out in it. Single parenting is hard and stressful. Compassion is priceless. In my opinion you are wrong. There was no need to call attention to that post people have differences of opinion. Who the h*ll cares that she said her son is biracial. We live in America, race matters all who say it doesn't are in serious DENIAL. Bottom line is the same compassion you want people to have for you and your hubsand is the same compassion you should have for her. You don't have to agree with everyone but everyone deserves compassion and respect. Wbama, you don't feel sorry for single moms obviously you've never been one. Your lack of compassion is sad. Keia1 seems to be a well put together person who is adamant about her beliefs...hate or love it..the girl is RIGHT.
|
|
|
|
Post by memyslfni on Apr 25, 2008 13:26:34 GMT -5
U tell it Badchick,
" But dealing with black folks I should've expected them to behave that way. (I'm part black so I can talk about them) "
this comment was made by keia, from the letting go topic....
This is were that topic stemmed from. Also are u urself of the AA culture as Keia would put it? Cuz if not I can see how u wouldnt take offense to this....
|
|
|
|
Post by destini1969 on Apr 25, 2008 13:31:30 GMT -5
Like others on this post I have decided to join because of the out landish comments made from Keia1. She does not respresent the african american women that has BM drama concerns.
Throughout the post Keia1 has made it clear that she is expecting BD to help support her in addition to the child support he is paying. Please reference the other post where she mentioned that BD should help with her transportation. The BD is responsible for the child and not the BM.
|
|
|
|
Post by Keia1 on Apr 25, 2008 13:36:19 GMT -5
If it is not about race which is where the whole issue came from why are AA's offended by the statement. Obviously she was referring to his family. It has no bearing on you or yours. Why harp on it. From the post she states she considers herself AA much like Halle Berry so why cant a woman vent her frustration about her own ethnicity. Im sure she did not mean it as a put down to all blacks if so, why would she consider herself black. Her child is black. Remember people can only speak from their own experiences and hers as a biracial may be different from yours so what. Holding it against her makes you no better than she if she is really wrong. It's not about race. It seems to me she was saying she can say that but not another race or culture.
|
|
|
|
Post by bmdrama on Apr 25, 2008 13:46:14 GMT -5
Why is everybody giving this girl so much power. Like if she said it God said it. Who cares. Think what you want.
|
|
