Once a sneak, always a sneak???

[me]

at this point (after talking to DH) I see that he wants me to feel comfortable with this. He just told me IF i feel anything seems funny or weird or I am thinking certain things in my head that get me upset to tell him so we can be on the same page about it and he can make sure my thoughts are on the right track, he's like I want you to be just like you are with our kids with them, I want you to be comfortable. I guess I have no reason to do anything but trust him and know his heart is in the right place. I do feel wrong when I think of myself and how I hurt inside and then I think about these little girls who are so innocent and sweet and my boys who love their sisters and I think I hurt too much to care about these little girls feelings. I try to put my feelings aside and I will be okay with it and realize the situation and then I will relapse and get bitter again and be mean to my husband. Like when he gets overly excited about his girls, i get so cold inside sometimes, I just want to say YOU BASTARD, but that woudl be SO WRONG of me, i know what he's doing is for the good but my mind wonders

[doinwatigottado]

Trust me I know. Whenever I went there, I'd check myself w/re: to SS. He REALLY isn't at fault in ANY of this and I had to always remind myself of that. I'd get frustrated too, and as he got older it became a bit tougher because BM started negatively influencing him and his behavior by trying to create this "us" against "them" thing. Beware of this, but stay true. Always treat those girls well. And know that most times it's REALLY BM and DH's who probably doing things that upset you. Keep your emotions in check and discuss the things you can fix with your Dh. It's true when they say he can't control BM, but he can be strategic in his actions so as to minimize the BS that comes through.

What exactly is going on that makes you bitter and angry at him? What do you see him doing that is rubbing you the wrong way?

[J]

This is my first post, just found this site.

This is something I've really been wondering about my BF's BM. I have known both of them for about 5 years but he and I just got together 8 months ago. When she found out we were dating, she lost it and didn't let him see his kids for about 4-5 months.

Then suddenly one day she decided she made a big mistake by keeping his kids from him (and me, because I have always loved them and been a part of their lives) and she will never do it again and we can have them as much as we want.

This seemed to coincide with her getting a new boyfriend and a job (she hadn't worked in many years til now).

She has been super friendly to us, has said that she considers us one big family, wants to have dinner together every Sunday night, wants to throw my step-daughter's birthday party together at her house, has consulted us about things with the kids, etc. etc. etc.

But this is just a few months after she was calling me all kinds of names, posting nasty things about me online, refusing to talk to us, saying we'll never see the kids again, threatening us, etc.

I'm not sure what to make of all of it. I think it is best for the kids if we all get along. I do NOT want any BMD. I want to believe this is real, and to take advantage of the good relationship we seem to have with her. However, I'm scared that it's all fake. What if she just wants my BF to see how great she's doing and be jealous or want her back? What if she just wants something out of this for herself? What if it's not real and it's not about the kids at all?

Basically we have just been trying to smile and nod and play nice with her, and not rock the boat. Even when she does things we don't agree with, he won't say anything to her because we're afraid that the house of cards will come tumbling down. We're afraid if we push for anything (more time with the kids, to be able to take them to church with us which she is against, etc.) that she will get angry and stop letting us see them again.

Related to that, we are in a bind about what to do legally. While she was not speaking to us, my BF talked to a lawyer. We couldn't afford to file the papers at the time so we were waiting and saving up money, when she started letting us see them again. Basically at that point we stopped everything with the legal stuff, because we didn't need it. We know that to protect his rights, we really should get the custody and visitation issue straightened out while things are good, in case we need it. But again, is that just going to make her mad? If we bring it up, or she gets any paperwork from the courts, she may flip and stop letting him see the kids again. I feel like we're walking on eggshells and she is in total control of the situation. I feel like I just have to smile and eat her sh*t politely.

I try to be friendly with her yet keep my distance. Basically whatever it takes to keep her happy. But it's very exhausting and I think at some point there will be something we will need to take a stand on with the kids and we'll be too afraid to do it.

[Brittanyy]

Hi. Im actually the one who started this thread awhile back. Guess what, people were right. All her nice acting was FAKE. She recently showed her true colors again and THEN out of nowhere came and swithced it up AGAIN! So for about a month she was like you WILL NOT SEE THEM, your b*tch this and your b*tch that, blah blah blah and then out of nowhere she's like yeah you can have them, when are you coming to get them?

Its all a game, I can tell you from 5 years of experience with this chic I deal with, if she doesnt see any attention from my DH (her BD) she tries to stir sh*t up a little bit. If one thing doesnt work, maybe the next trick will. It's VERY VERY draining to a person. She tried to turn EVERYTHING negative around on me, its insane! She will be like DONT touch my daughters hair and Dh looks me up & down everytime he gets the kids and so on & so forth. Im to the point where if/when their kids do come to my household, I dont even want to involve myself with them period. I dont need to hear her mouth and the can just run around nappy headed for all I care b/c I sure WONT be touching the kids hair EVER again! you try to be mature about it for so long and can only take so much, I personally am fed up and have decided to distance myself from this all together until I can come up with a better way of dealing with this ugly mess. If you have any ideas, please help me as well and good luck to you

[krystalsgoingnuts]

Wow! This board makes me feel so much better! I thought I was the only one with such a crazy babymama on my back. My poor husband tries so hard to deal with it

So I have noticed that when they r qiuet and not causing drama its only because somethings disstracting them for a bit. A new guy, a job, another issue. She will be back to cause drama. Learn that she will never disappear because she won't.

Yes my husbands bm will text and say "the boys wanna say hi" and he will call n it'll just be her yellin and demanding things. Ugh she's nuts!! I'm glad I'm not the only one, it makes me feel better to no I'm not crazy....