BM back in my life

[adrian2285]

So its been about 3 weeks and my BM have been hanging out almost everyday with our son and her other baby. We go walking everday she hangs out with my entire family. I've been taking things really slow because she says were just friends and I don't mind that. But I do still love her... She wants me to get a job where she works but her mom works there and I think its beneath me. My birthday is saturday and she is coming. I'm so excited for the first time in years I'm gonna have a great birthday. I know I can only fake this friend nuts for so long... I'm in love with her she's my best friend. How can I win her back? I'm at the age where I would sacarifice everything just to have a family with her... There has to be some reason why she's back in my life... Things don't just happen right? Everythingt happens for a reason right??? She's such an amazing mother women friend I wish I could of been a better BF when we were together I really ruined everything? Is there anyone out there that had a BM and she later has another kid with another man and it didn't work out and u and her back together after years apart? I just need some advice as what to do... Should I tell her that I still love her or wait after the holidays

[gemmani]

Does she already know how you feel? If you have already told her then the ball's in her court as to whether or not you guys will take it to the next level. You should use this time to show her (NOT tell her) how you have changed.
If you haven't told her......you can mention it, I guess. But sometimes that can make things uncomfortable, especially if she isn't quite feeling the same way. If she doesn't then you can't let that rejection get in the way of your current relationship.
I rejected my DH three times during our friendship. He told me he had feelings and I would keep saying that I wasn't looking to take the next step. But that never changed how he acted toward me. He never got mad, he just said he'd rather have me in his life any way he can than not have me at all. That impressed me the most. That showed me that he genuinely cared and that was one of the main reasons I decided to be with him.

You also have to consider the fact that she just got out of another relationship. She probably needs this time to regroup and be single for a bit. It's not really the best idea to jump from one relationship to another, it tends to add emotional baggage to the situation.
Let this play out naturally. Don't force the topic. If it's really meant to be like you say, then it will happen.

BTW, do you have a job right now? If you don't, then saying it's beneath you to work where she works is not the best route to take. That's not showing her that you can be a good provider. It doesn't pay for her to get with you when you have no job, she has children to worry about. I'd really consider taking the job.
If you have a job already then disregard the previous statement.

[jusdntundstn]

Three words, Get-A-Job!! Even if it's until U find another one.

There's nothing like a man who can support for his family financially, physically, and emotionally...Good Luck!

[adrian]

I don't have a job per say... I don't wanna come off like douche so I'm trying to pick my words carefully... My family is well off and we live in a small town... I choose to live with my parents because I have no significant other and my parents house is big I live in a guest house... And a couple of years ago I got arrested and sued the county for violating my civil rights search and siezure and won... I've been living off the settlement and traveling and doing other things... I use to be a chef I graduated culinary school... My BM works for a telemarketing place with her evil mother and everyone from my highschool works there... I just rather not be assosicated with those people...

[ayzha]

I dont want for you to get all happy about this current conditions with BM. Ive seen it too many times when BM thinks that there is a chance to be a family again when my SO is really just trying to spend time with his son. Is BM coming to your house or you going to hers? If she is coming to you then that could mean something more. If you are coming to her, then that could mean that she is just bored and lonely and doesnt feel like telling you to leave. That does not necessarily mean that she is into you. I know that when my SO would go visit his son at BM house, I would get upset like she thinks that you guys are playing "family". He would say that he is not there for her, just his son but she saw it different. Just dont put your heart into something that is not there. I would ask her now if she is having feelings for you so that you wont continue on with these feelings and she doesnt see anything there. It may make the situation wierd for a brief period of time but you will have an understanding where you two stand and may even decide to not want to hang out with her like that because you are trying to move on with your life. I know that in my sitch that BM wore the necklace that my SO gave her until March of this year even though they were broken up for over 1.5 years. She still felt that he was going to come back and be a family. She always sent messages that she loved him, enjoyed spending time, missed him. Instead of my SO replying he would avoid her for a few days so the conversations wouldnt come up. I dont know what she thought that meant but until he actually told her to move on thats when she took off the necklace. See so many times BM hold on to the little hope and little things strengthen it. I think that is what is happening to you. Just find out where you stand and proceed from there. Dont wait for her either. Take her answer for what it is. You cant make someone love you. As far as your birthday, again I would say that BM is bored and wants for you to be able to see your child on your birthday without having to really care for the child especially if there will be drinking involved. But if your BM does not want to be with you then you shouldnt let this type of birthday and hanging out with family continue. If you do find another SO, she may have issues with your BM being all in the mix of things even if she has no feelings. Start to establish boundaries as if you have a SO already so there wont be so much dramatic changes for BM and she can accept the situation better.

[memy]

Have you stopped to think that maybe ur BM isn't taken by the fact that you are "well off" and would like to see you stand on your own two feet and not living with mommy and daddy? Maybe it's time to test the real world and get your own family, home, life going. If worse comes to worse you can always go back home right? Seems to me that your afraid or just not ready to make that move...

Bottom line is.....If you expect BM to take you seriously your going to have to show effort, cash in the bank or not. She may just want her OWN shiz.

I doubt living with HER mother/parents would ever be an option for you as from the sounds of it.....U don't even like HER mother. So what makes you think she'd wanna live with yours?