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Post by ty1981 on Nov 23, 2009 21:32:42 GMT -5
Just wondering guys! ;D
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Post by jusdntundstn on Nov 23, 2009 21:49:47 GMT -5
It makes me no difference, but it would be good for the kids since they don't really get to spend that much time with their dad.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 23, 2009 21:59:00 GMT -5
I am so thankful to be in a position to not have to answer this question ;D Kids will be here Wednesday thru Sunday for Thanksgiving as they have for the last 5 years.  |
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ayzha
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by ayzha on Nov 23, 2009 22:59:08 GMT -5
I have decided not to ask my SO about the holidays. I told him in July after he was complaining that he never gets the baby on the 4th of July. I told him not to wait til last minute to tell BM that he wants the baby so she wont make plans with him. The first year for Thanksgiving, my SO and I had been dating like three months. My SO called BM and told her that he will be there to pick up the baby, she was like you coming to get us or the baby. He said just the baby. See when SO and I just started dating, he had just officially broke up with BM for like three weeks, bad I know but there was a lot more to the story. I didnt even know he had a baby til the night he actually asked me out. The baby was only 2.5 months. A week after SO and BM broke up, it was his mom's 50th birthday party and he took BM with him so I guess she figured that she would still go to the family stuff even though they werent officially together so they would get back together. I was not dating him and was actually talking to a few guys at the time. But that first Thanksgiving I was there BM was not there. His family said stuff after I left early to go to my sisters bf thanksgiving dinner. They were saying that he needed to get back with his BM and be a family. They were saying that she was having post-pardum etc...... He just told them that he wasnt going back there. I didnt find all this out til later. I was alittle upset and kind of didnt want to go for Christmas but I did. We didnt have the baby that holiday though. Flash forward last year and BM had the baby with her family for thanksgiving. She also had a car at the time so she was mobile.
So based on that you would think that my SO and BM switch off every year but I think it was just by chance. I told him to discuss the holidays sometime in July. I even reminded him with that Halloween drama. I dont know what is going to happen. Im out of it. I gave him my advice almost four months ago. I told him to establish a pattern for holidays but he hasnt so thats why they have issues.
If SO does complain that he cant get the baby then I will say well maybe you can ask to have him Christmas Day since BM celebrates Christmas Eve. He usually just takes the baby his gifts and come on back home without the baby.
I just know that this is the first holiday that I wont be asking him if hes getting the baby. He needs to learn to deal without my influence especially when I gave him a months notice.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 23, 2009 23:14:43 GMT -5
I had totally forgotten about your sitch until someone brought it up in the other thread. I gotta say, and I know I've said it before, we as women want to fix everything and then when we finally realize we just cant, we feel let down.
I love my skids, I truly do, but if BM wanted to play 'keep away', I can honestly say I wouldnt let it become my problem. I would still enjoy my holiday as normal.
Funny thing though, my nonchalant attitude eventually rubbed off on DH(years ago) and the more nonchalant he was about getting the kids for whatever the reason, they just didnt seem to be worth holding back by BM. She gives them with ease and I think that its in part or full that she knows DH will go on about his merry way with his holiday plans, so really BM doesnt win.
Again, its not so fun for BM with no one to play with ;D
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ayzha
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by ayzha on Nov 24, 2009 1:36:42 GMT -5
Yeah, it will be tempting for me not to ask. It has been on my mind but hey, its his son and its not on my mind so Im not stressing either. I think that was my issue with my SO. I felt that he needed more time with his son and most of the time I guess that he doesnt feel like dealing with a 2yr old along but he does if really necessary. Like for example yesterday, SS2 came like at 3pm because my SO woke up and wanted to eat and take his time before going to get him. SS2 was sleep when he came. My SO went to the gym around 6-7:30pm. By the time he came back, SS2 was awake but he took SS2 home at 8:30. In my head, Im like you saw that baby like an hour on your day and then you are going to complain to me when you only see him once a week. I guess he must think that he will see SS2 during the holiday weekend. I know that if he doesnt get the baby on Thanksgiving, I will tell him to get him on Friday since everyone will be home. Examples like this make me wonder why someone would have a kid with him when he is not that into babies per say. He is more like the play with the baby and someone else can take care of it.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, BM heard my name twice yesterday. SS2 was sick and since I am the more responsible one and SO wasnt home, I gave him his medicine. I told my SO that I gave the baby his medicine. When he dropped SS2 off, BM asked about the medicine. He told her that I gave it but didnt know what time. He had to call me and ask, Im pretty sure that she was pissed that SO wasnt doing it but hey I could have the baby here sick and hungry waiting for SO to get back or I could take care of the baby just as I would for any child in my care by feeding and giving medicine.
Oh, I should probably put this in another thread, but do Gf/wife wash the clothes of Step children or send their dirty clothes back home back in a bag for their mom to handle. I have always washed SS2 clothes and sent them back the next week. I never do anything else too motherly like cut his nails , etc. I know that he has a mom and I only have him on Sundays so she should tend to her child. I know that sometimes it may look as if Im overstepping my role but I just try to help my SO out and treat the brothers fair while with us.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 8:50:04 GMT -5
Oh, I should probably put this in another thread, but do Gf/wife wash the clothes of Step children or send their dirty clothes back home back in a bag for their mom to handle. Clothes get sent back in a seperate bag worn and dirty. We use to not have a washer/dryer in our home and I only washed clothes during the week, so I wasnt about to go out of my way to wash clothes outside of my normal laundry schedule.
BD always sends DSs clothes back in a seperate bag and dirty, which is fine. I've never had a problem with that. BM doesnt seem to either.
However, since we moved and have a washer/dryer in our home, I wash on weekends now, so I am more willing send the skids clothes back clean as long as I am already washing anyway  I have always washed SS2 clothes and sent them back the next week. I never do anything else too motherly like cut his nails , etc. I know that he has a mom and I only have him on Sundays so she should tend to her child. I know that sometimes it may look as if Im overstepping my role but I just try to help my SO out and treat the brothers fair while with us. Thats understandable. I do the same. But the key is "while the kids are with us". When they leave, they're gone until the next time they come back. I dont concern myself with whatever may be going on with them in their life with their mother, as long as they are not being hurt in anyway.
Its like an on/off SM switch that I've mastered in order to maintain my own sanity |
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Post by memy on Nov 24, 2009 8:59:35 GMT -5
Fabolous said it best...."Just throw it in a bag" ;D
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Post by gemmani on Nov 24, 2009 14:00:26 GMT -5
DH rarely gets the kids on Thanksgiving. We get them the next day though so it isn't bad for him at all. Depending on the day it falls on, we may get the kids on Christmas or we may not. It makes no difference in my mind, either way they get to celebrate with us.
Ayzha~ Whatever the kids come dressed in is what they leave in, regardless of whether or not it's dirty. We have our own clothes. We wash the clothes we have for them. The clothes from BM's house we don't give a rat's azz about. That's her business.
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Post by ladyqb on Nov 24, 2009 15:01:42 GMT -5
DH never gets the kids on holidays. This upcoming weekend is suppose to be his holiday weekend; however, BM texted and said "the kids won't be coming this holiday weekend" He text her back and said "fine". I thought DH would be angry and upset. He said "he is use to it and it just gives us more time to do what we want to do this weekend". It doesn't bother me either way. If he gets them for Thanksgiving fine and if he doesn't get them fine too.
I don't wash the stepkids clothes, that is not my responsibility, that is the parents responsibility. I pack them up and send them home dirty. If DH wants to wash, he is more than welcome too.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 15:09:07 GMT -5
DH never gets the kids on holidays. This upcoming weekend is suppose to be his holiday weekend; however, BM texted and said "the kids won't be coming this holiday weekend" He text her back and said "fine". I thought DH would be angry and upset. He said "he is use to it and it just gives us more time to do what we want to do this weekend". It doesn't bother me either way. If he gets them for Thanksgiving fine and if he doesn't get them fine too. This was a classic DH response, to not care either way just works wonders |
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Post by ty1981 on Nov 24, 2009 17:02:09 GMT -5
I wish we lived closer, for his sake. We used to be really close...now we are not....that's military life. I fell bad for him though. I guess it's more because the military has us so far away right now.
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Post by doinwatigottado on Nov 24, 2009 20:48:41 GMT -5
Well most of you know we have NEVER had a problem getting SS!! And so he is def here for Thanksgiving.  Ty I can only imagine how difficult it must be for your DH in his situation. I know my Dh would be sulky if he couldn't spend holidays with SS.  |
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Post by chalan on Nov 25, 2009 11:47:40 GMT -5
SO gets his DD every Thanksgiving and BM gets Christmas. Either way doesn’t matter to me.
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Post by jaylady999 on Nov 25, 2009 11:52:19 GMT -5
SO gets his DD every Thanksgiving and BM gets Christmas. Either way doesn’t matter to me. Thats exactly our sitch and you hold exactly my sentiments ;D |
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