|
|
Post by BD on Nov 24, 2009 4:57:36 GMT -5
I am, in two months, to become the father of a son with my ex-girlfriend. I've lost romatic interest with this girl and there was never really any strong friendship we shared. Recently, and with growing magnitude as her due-date approaches, she has been forcing herself between me and potential lady-interests. We've gotten into huge fights and she accuses me of flirting and cheating on her, but we haven't been together in two months. What am I supposed to think in this situation? Should I not mingle with the opposite sex? She makes me feel guilty for not wanting to marry her... it gets stressful.
|
|
|
|
Post by BD on Nov 24, 2009 7:36:21 GMT -5
As a side note I fully intend to be the best father I can be for my son. I mean that financially, phsically, and most of all emotionally accessible.
|
|
|
|
Post by memy on Nov 24, 2009 8:32:57 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by gemmani on Nov 24, 2009 13:54:25 GMT -5
Hi BD, there is no obligation for you to be a monk in order to be a good father to your child. Your BM sounds like she's going to be an issue though. I will say that YOU cannot LET her come between you and any lady interest. You have to be able to shut her down and place strict boundaries. You should shield any woman you are with from her antics. Just because she's the mother of your child doesn't mean that she runs your life, it just means that she is your child's other parent.
|
|
|
|
Post by blaquechinadoll on Nov 26, 2009 0:16:04 GMT -5
BD--
As a female and as a wife of a BD, I will tell you this: The magnitude, frequency, and intensity of the bs that your BM will bring depends entirely on YOU. Sure, you can't control other people all of the time, but you can put obstacles in their way and make it difficult. I'd get a paternity test, and put myself on CS thru a l male lawyer ASAP. Whatever the judge says she gets is what she gets. Make sure you get a visitation order equipped with a schedule for the year. To break that horse, stay strictly by the court order until her bs calms. NOTE: It may never go away. Don't make the same mistake again! Once she gets her mind right and gets over being helpless and needy (but please be there for the BABY), do extra things if and when you can, not out of guilt. Doing things out of guilt will lead to feeling resentment. You don't owe her, you owe the child. Get ready for the "baby being sick in the middle of the night" jazz. Do what you can, but don't be a fool. If the baby is always sick on your off days, that's a clue.
As far as her feelings are concerned, communication is golden. Let her know that there are no feelings and that you 2 DO NOT have a family, but a child. Let her know that your realationship is stricltly business and co-parenting is the name of it. Let her know, after you get CS and visitation, that you will call the cops on her if she tries to stop you from being with your child. Don't send her mixed signals by saying you love her, miss her, or other sweet notings y'all shared while together. DO NOT sleep with her, esp., in lieu of CS... you'll end up with another kid with her. Don't believe in the "I got my tubes tied", "I'm on birth control now", "I just need some, the baby is stressing me"... DON'T DO IT. Once you are in a relationship with someone... and even now, let her know that business hours are from 9a-5p (or whatever you say) and calls from her, unless its an emergency will not be answered. Tell her what you feel emergencies are. This will make it hard for her to ruin moments with your lady friends. STICK TO YOUR RULES!
Good Luck!
|
|
|
|
Post by angelnmo on Nov 27, 2009 18:01:02 GMT -5
BD, I want to uderstand. You have been with the BM for how long? And you were with her for most of the pregnancy, then broke up with her two months ago?
I don't know. Are you sure you won't hook up with her again. Are you truly over her. Once the baby is here, and she is ready, will you start sleeping with her again? Are you sure you don't still have feelings for her?
I'm just trying to approach this from the BM's point of view. She is probably very confused right now. Most women equate sex=love in a relationship. She probably felt like you two had something special, that you had accepted the pregnancy, because you were with her till about two months ago (and probaby were still sleeping with her until her stomach got too big maybe??). Sex, hormones, and a pregnancy had her with some pretty strong emotions for you.
She will need time to heal and move on. When a woman who doesn't have a child with a man breaks up with him, (especially if it was a longterm relationship), it takes some a while to get over the shock and hurt.
Like the other ladies said, you will need to set boundaries now and dont give the BM false hope or play mind games with her. Go to court and establish paternity, put yourself on child support, and have a visitation plan in order.
Don't sleep with her anymore, don't call her just to ask how she is doing. Don't go over to her place and "hang out", etc. etc. This will only give her false hope that you will "come to your senses" and reunite.
|
|
|
|
Post by youknow on Nov 28, 2009 17:09:45 GMT -5
ME MY.....That was a good read......it helped me with my sister sitch.......basically I can't have a good relationship with someone uncapable of one. No stress, no sweat for me.
|
|
|
|
Post by memy on Nov 28, 2009 18:23:22 GMT -5
;D
|
|
