|
|
Post by mckenzie on Nov 24, 2009 10:45:44 GMT -5
I am a 20 year old woman and I am soon to be married. My fiance has two children who I love very dearly. The mother of his children however never seem to let him go. She calls late at night claiming the kids are on the phone, when I think she just wants to hear his voice. Whenever we have to get the kids it is always a problem. The clutch went out, my car got wrecked, I lost my job, which always puts us in a financially unstable condition. She could care for the children and I told him to get them and that we would keep them for 3 months while she got back on her feet! at that time we had less than 300 bucks in our account. But I made it work. Now because we are getting married she is becoming even more difficult. Just asking for money to do this and that, when she gets child support! I know that it is expensive to raise a child, but I also feel that as a mother you should be able to hold your own too. You chose to lay down and have them so, be prepared to take care of them. We get them for 1 week and on average spend 700-900 dollars just to get them, take them back, feed and cloth them, since she never sends any clothes. I just want the best for the girls and my marriage, but my God will it ever end? I love my family to death, but will there ever become a time when she realize that parenting takes a lot of time and effort. Like she doesnt realize how much she is hurting those kids by partying and having different men in and out of there lives. I am the first woman he has ever brought around his children and I intend to be the last. I may sound bitter but guys Im really not. I just want to be happy but sometimes it seems impossible...
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 11:01:20 GMT -5
Just asking for money to do this and that, when she gets child support! I know that it is expensive to raise a child, but I also feel that as a mother you should be able to hold your own too.
Yep and if she is getting CS and still asking for money on top of that, I wouldnt be giving it to her. If she cant handle her own with CS and then HER INPUT OF $$ AS WELL, then sounds like she needs to hand the kids over. But I wouldnt be at her monetary beck and call, no way.
You chose to lay down and have them so, be prepared to take care of them. We get them for 1 week and on average spend 700-900 dollars just to get them, take them back, feed and cloth them, since she never sends any clothes.
*Secret** She doest this because your SO allows it.
I just want the best for the girls and my marriage, but my God will it ever end?
Not if he doesnt put his foot down.
I love my family to death, but will there ever become a time when she realize that parenting takes a lot of time and effort.
Not likely, but dont make that YOUR concern. Its not.
Like she doesnt realize how much she is hurting those kids by partying and having different men in and out of there lives. I am the first woman he has ever brought around his children and I intend to be the last. I may sound bitter but guys Im really not. I just want to be happy but sometimes it seems impossible...
You dont sound bitter, just like a woman who really wants the mother of SO's kids to be a good mother and put her kids first, but unfortunately this is out of your control.
|
|
|
|
Post by gemmani on Nov 24, 2009 14:13:57 GMT -5
Jay's right, it's your SO that's allowing everything to happen. If he wouldn't fall for her okey dokey then you ouldn't be in this predicament. Time to have a Come To Jesus talk with him. He can't keep taking money from your household to throw down the drain to BM. She can support herself, but she won't if our SO doesn't stop enabling her.
|
|
|
|
Post by McKenzie on Nov 24, 2009 14:47:18 GMT -5
THANKS GUYS... you know my SO does lay his foot down. We help when it wont hurt us but..she does not get her way because if he doesnt put his foot down, I do. Its just more so the fact that she always asking, even though we dont give it to her. Im just like goodness gracious when will she get the point. What I have come to realize is that I dont think she will ever get it. And you are all right. I do not have kids yet, but I do know the type of mother I will be. The mother in me just wants them to be happy and well taken care of. Giving us the children would take away the power that she thinks she has. Key word, that she thinks she has. I am the woman of my household, I have held my own, held our family down when there seemes as if there was no type of hope. Being on the other side of the spectrum, I just now hate to see women who act as if they are so helpless. It disgusts me to see it you know?
|
|
|
|
Post by McKenzie on Nov 24, 2009 14:51:26 GMT -5
oh and as far as the clothes and stuff, I dont want them. Those babies come up here looking like ragamuffins...they will never look like that with me. I hold myself to a pretty high standard (broke and all lol), and my family will reflect it. I make a lot out of a little and always will. THanks really for all your advice. Its nice to have someone to relate too!!
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 14:56:06 GMT -5
Yep, I've been there, but your real control is realizing that whatever BM does is not your concern. It concerns your SO, but dont let that stupid petty stuff bring you down. I would, however, stop the whole 'giving above and beyond CS" thing though.
|
|
|
|
Post by McKenzie on Nov 24, 2009 15:05:41 GMT -5
We give when we can and when it wont hurt us. She definately does not get her way. Personally I do not care about what she does, but I do care about those children. And whenever I see them, they are talking about mommys new friend, and its a different name. I dont care honestly, but when I can see it affecting the chidren It hurts me. But in the end when they are with me, I do the best I can do for them. To take their minds off of everything that should not be filling their heads.
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Nov 24, 2009 15:07:53 GMT -5
We give when we can and when it wont hurt us. She definately does not get her way. Personally I do not care about what she does, but I do care about those children. And whenever I see them, they are talking about mommys new friend, and its a different name. I dont care honestly, but when I can see it affecting the chidren It hurts me. But in the end when they are with me, I do the best I can do for them. To take their minds off of everything that should not be filling their heads. My personal opinion? You put way too much emotional energy into your situation than what is needed. |
|
|
|
Post by McKenzie on Nov 24, 2009 15:14:03 GMT -5
Maybe so, but I love the kids. I love their father, and only want the best for my family.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrznixon on Nov 25, 2009 21:59:15 GMT -5
MC, I understand that you want whats best for family, But i was and still partly in your shoes i felt bad for the child and still do because of what she says most of it i take with a grain of salt. but when Jay says too much emotional energy you will soon find out that all that energy you used was wasted it really does no good. Coming from my now situation Dec 1st could change my husbands and my life for ever if only i could have kept my emotional energy out it ( wanting whats best for HIS kids) I really just had to sit back and say ok god you gave them to him and that Crazy BM. Now i look and see that this is not what i really want, paying CS was no problem her keeping her own kid is what I want,df I don't want to raise no one else's child that can do their self. what i have learned is I can Give 2 d**ns bout hows she treats her kids but like you said make the most of it when they are with you. that's the point I'm at BM1 I am going to complain as long as i live but dont care about if her MOTHER ( the one who birth her) doesn't care about her in that why should I.
Its just like have three adults run one household (NOT HAPPEN)
But put in mind I have been having selfish thinking lately
|
|
|
|
Post by jaylady999 on Nov 26, 2009 0:38:20 GMT -5
But put in mind I have been having selfish thinking lately And honestly, its ok to be selfish, it really is. The only time I am not selfish is with my own child. And quite honestly, I am not selfish with my skids either, WHILE THEY ARE IN MY CARE  Otherwise, they are with their Mama. I give her space to be their mother ;D |
|
Otherwise, they are with their Mama. I give her space to be their mother ;D