OPINIONS PLEASE

[youknow]

Okay, for the most part things have been good. But there is a sitch looming in my life I need ya'lls opinion on since. I trust ya'll's opinions.

I have talked before on the board about my sister. Recently I have had to cut the girl off. While she was pregnant she began mistreating and verbally insulting my child. My Jaylin is a handsome little guy with dimples and he is a bit "bad" he has ADHD I know it. Very active little guy. Now you all know what went down between BD and I. Sister was always making negative comment about me and BD sitch. Told me I was stupid for getting pregnant. Blase' Blase' after I brought Jay home from the hospital her and her deadbeat boyfriend started "trying to have a baby." Which pissed me off because I felt like she was trying to rain on my baby's parade. She was supposed to be on birth control but magically got pregnant with my niece who is now four months old. Her BD is broke and got no job for the most part wouldn't give her 40 dollars a week for the baby. Was working for her dad and didn't want to give her any money. Then when she was preggo he gave her money and then asked for it back. Just in my opinion a total zero. Now my BD is profitable to the tune of 1000 a month. Jaylin wears nothing but the best and has more toys than toys r us. But that's just my style........I a label freak and I love buying for my boy. Recently I just started purchasing educational video's, and educational stuff only.

Sister lost her job 3 weeks before the baby was born. BD ain't been worth a d**n. Sister tell's me she want cydney my niece to have the same stuff as jaylin. I'm like WTF what does it matter and furthermore they are so far apart in age it shouldn't matter. So my son likes to play with cydney and he's all up in her face hes a fresh three and she's the first little kid he's ever really been around he loves cydney to death. So she's always making a big deal about him touching her and being around her and my son just flipped out the other day when he was playing with cydney when she walked in the room. He'll go over to play with cydney and the look back at her. She was staying my grandma's where I am all the time me and my son with cydney and everyday it was a problem about something with my son and cydney. So I told her why don't you take your daughter and go home.

My mom and grandma don't like to leave my son with her. She always making negative spiteful comments about him. "He has issues.", "he's this that and the other." Telling my mom he "act's like he doesn't understand and just other crazy ish." Then my mom tells me her and sister are out shopping she was going to buy a little jacket for Jaylin. So my sister goes are you going to buy cydney a jacket too. I was too outdone. How is she going to compete with a child.

So the biggest blowup was the other day........how can kids cause so much drama. When she says she's only concerned about her daughter and she's not going to let her daughter grow up feeling like she's less than jaylin or someone else like she did. So I was like wow wtf.............this B*tch crazy than a muth*fu*ka. The baby is 4 months old.......she doesn't know a darn thing. My baby s three..........he doesn't even understand he has a lot of stuff compared to others. WTF!!!!!!! But mind you, ya'll know my sitch. Ya'll know I worked my azz off and suffered through to provide for my son. Where in the hell does my sister get off. So she gets upset crying storming out cause I told her that my son is just letting me know she's been harassing him which is what the fall out was about the first time.

My baby has food allergies too. So she came in one day about 5 months ago and was like (before the baby was born) and was like Jaylin I would give you some of my food, but you have so many food allergies we might find another one." I was too outdone. My baby is allergic to peanuts, fish, tree nuts. She intentionally says these things to be spiteful. Ever since I bought my new car nothing luxury Imma wait a few years before I buy that benz.........(gotta get like ty) lol It's an 09 chevy malibu LT, cute family car. She has been extra spiteful.

What the hell is going on I need an outside opinion what do you think I should do. Those are her hangup's I've been happier since she's been outta my life. She lets BD come over and see the baby telling him she's going to put another man in her life. Then everytime I'm around she casually mentions BD came to see the baby etc. BD didnt leave no money. So I got tired of her dissing my son so I told her to take her ugly ass baby and go home. For which she was SO furious........her baby ain't that cute. She's okay, but jay is much cuter........another one of her hangups. Grown folks...........are supposed to be grown folks fueding over a 3 year old.

My synapsis is she thought she was so much better than me and thrived on it. Now that I have showcased my resilience and pushed to have something for me and my child regardless of unfortunate circumstances and people have seen the fruit of my labor she is jealous. Now I'm on top and she can't handle the fact so she tries anything to try to tear me and mine down. I am a successful black woman and single mom. However, her behavior is ridiculous and appalling. Not to mention other spiteful things she has done such as corresponding with my BD on BlackPlanet. Claiming she was "trying to see if he claimed his son." Calling me telling me BD tried to talk to her on BlackPlanet......I laughed telling her BD is lowdown he probably knew that was her. Which he got mad and tried to argue me down that he didn't. Mind you she knows what my BD has on his page. I didn't even know BD had a page or care. But given our history......why would you even respond. She knew who he was even if he didn't know who he was. This was like a year ago. On top of that.........why even call me with some bull ish like that. jSo Ladies..............help a sista out........what's going on? What do you think I should do.

[youknow]

Correction..........BD was never confronted about the Blackplanet incident I could care less. I meant "she" my sister tried to argue me down that he (BD) didn't know it was her.

[doinwatigottado]

Youknow,

I have a sister and there was a time when we both took turns for the first 20 years of our life making eachother miserable. There were a myriad of emotions that we tussled with re: eachother.

Sisters are usually our best friends or our worst enemies because we know everything about eachother. There is definitely much more to your relationship and it seems there is a history between you that is less than desired. It also sounds like you've had your own set of issues with her as well and maybe this is where some of it stems from.

All I can say is until you can resolve and or create a better relationship with her, I'd steer clear. Let her deal with those issues and don't feed into it, because all you'll be doing is fueling the fire and really do you want that unnecessary stuff in your life? You have to ask yourself that question. What is it that you want to create?

If, somehere in your heart, you want a better relationship with her in the future you will have to let the negativity from her and her attacks go to the way side while you heal. Maybe sometime down the line you both will have a different perspective on things.

The turning point for my sister and I was when I hit 26 yrs old and I just wasn't having the negativity anymore. WE got into an argument one day and I very matter of factly told her that I was cutting her off until we could have an honest conversation about our past and own up to the things we did to eachother, sincerely apologize, and let it go so that we could start fresh. Luckily for me my sister and I engaged in a very deep and therapeutic discussion about EVERYTHING. I learned that I had done some things that really hurt her and she found out the same and we explained our reasons and were very honest about it. It was not easy, but after that we've been inseparable allies, and I am grateful for that.

Youknow, I really hope that you and your sister can work it out because it would be worth it if you could. In the mean time, let that negativity slide off your shoulder and keep on doing you. It really doesn't matter what she thinks or says to your mother or you. I'd take that with a grain.

[youknow4real]

Doin, thanks 4 the reply, no wonder ppl on here aren't responding 2 guests. But yeah, like I said I'm happier. She always does this off the wall stuff. Like we fell out one time when my son was a baby and so she wouldn't drop him off at daycare on her way 2 work when she was driving right past his daycare. She's done a lot of things and said a lot of spiteful things. I don't think I wish to reconcile with her. She is my adopted sister and I'm sure that has a LARGE PART of her psycotic issues.

Meanwhile Jaylin and I are great he's started preschool, talking more and more and finally getting the hang of potty training. I'm excited about Christmas. I can't worry about those who are obviously delusional. I wish her the best I don't wish any ill willon her but I sense she does on me and it makes me SO uncomfortable around her. So I'll be glad 2 leave things as they are. She wants to be around her biological family more....that's fine with me but they've never gave a rats azz about her. She often imitates me right down to my OB, my son's pediatrician etc. It just unnerves me. So right now I'm happy with the sitch. I think I will leave it AS IS.

I was thinking about moving to Huntsville, AL for a year before I move to LA I miss the SOUTH.

[ty1981]

Youknow I love Huntsville. It would be a nice change of scenery for you. Plus youre close enough to Atlanta and home to be there on the weekend.

[chalan]

I’m scared to post because this may be another fictitious post. But let me say this. Family is family whether it is by blood or adoption. Looks do NOT matter. Family bond transcends all that BS.

[blaquechinadoll]

YOUKNOW--
I am an only child, but I can tell you this: People who prey on and attack children when their real problem is with an adult are COWARDS. I'd have to tell her how I felt, TRULY and how I it's a shame that she directs her anger on Jaylin and not herself and her BD. I would not trust her around my child. I would tell her that you'd be a listening ear when she is ready to be adult about everything and be accountable, otherwise tell her to step off.
Who needs the negativity, esp., when you are about striving. True family is important, but Jaylin is your family too, an innocent member of your family. Family usually hurt and disappoint you more than strangers. I would not feed into her mess, drama queens are only successful when they have either an audience or a willing participant. When ever it is required to be in her presence, be respectful, but remain silent once the bs begins. Don't argue, esp., if you have already told her ONCE how you felt... But at the same time, be the bigger person when she decides to come to you and eat some humble pie. By then, life would have whipped her @$$ enuf and she won't need you to reprimand her...
Good luck and happy holidays!

[youknowtherealone]

For the record this is the REAL youknow...I definitely hate there has to be even a second thought about it.........thanks 2 OMG crazy ass.

Blaquechinadoll...........I appreciate your comments. I feel the same way. I really haven't done anything to my sister for real. She the one who decided to have a baby by a bum thinking she could do me. I told her NOT to have a baby by a broke n*gga. On top of that she should have learned from my sitch......how bad things can go. But no she thought she was so high and mighty and that it couldn't happen to her. Now her sitch is WORSE than mine. Now like I said I don't wish any ill will on her. I hope and pray that she get's herself together. I just don't appreciate all the negative remarks about my child and myself and the vicious verbal and behind my back attacks. While smiling in my face. On top of that she wants to move in my granny's when my mom moves to LA. But I already said that I would be here and she has a problem with that. Keep making comments about how r u going to stay with grandma and keep your house. Telling my mom I'm not going to take care of grandma, she'll probably end up dieing etc. Behind my back of course. All because she wants to be there so she doesn't have to pay rent.

So she's been trying to hang superhard with her biological family now. But I peeped game on it..she been seeking a way to get away from us. She just decided to use me as the excuse to camoflauge the fact that she is just plain DISLOYAL. But God don't like ugly. I agree with you blackchina......when life get's through whipping her ass, she'll SEE.