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Post by stargazer on Dec 5, 2009 4:52:19 GMT -5
So I'm really confused what I should do about my sitch. I got involved with a woman who already had one child from a previous relationship. I thought it was a mistake she'd made in high school and learned. But we split up for a few months over an argument we had and then got back together. The problem is that while we were split up she got pregnant by another man. I forgave that and we got back together again. I love the children like they was my own. And I love her too. But she's always lying to me about things that don't make sense. And now I think she's cheating on me but I have no way of proving it. Is it fair for me to be mad she got pregnant if we were split up? I love these kids and I feel like I'm betraying them if I just leave the sitch. And the other thing is their dad's don't pay CS or take care of them. I feel like everybody in this sitch is just leeching off me. The other Dad's had their fun, they left, and now they have their care free lives like nothing happened. The woman I love had her irresponsible fun, ended up with some adorable kids, and has me to take care of her. I mean, am I just an idiot for tolerating this? Sometimes I feel that way.
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Post by blaquechinadoll on Dec 5, 2009 19:00:22 GMT -5
Stargazer:
Your only fault is that you think you love this person. We all have made that mistake. There maybe a reason those men aren't around anymore. They may have learned and got out. They didn't have to abandon the children, tho. A relationship is based on trust, love, and honesty. But first each of you must love yourselves. Using your body to pleasure others is your business. Not using protection and caution about who you make babies with, IS a problem. She is setting a pattern: Get mad, break up, get back (sex w/ someone else), come back to Capt-save-a-hoe (you). IS this something you want to be bothered with? Lying, cheating, outside babies? Some women use their children to pull in men emotionally, so no, don't feel bad. No one said you had to be out of their lives, but keeping them around will cause problems whenever you decide to persue other relationships. AIDS is another reasons to let her go. Yeah, babies can be the least of your worries in comparison to AIDS, the std that keeps on giving. If she's giving it away like gov't cheese and know you will come back to sloppy seconds, then she will keep you around. It is up to you to truly look at yourself and ask if this is something you want to deal with? Step out of your situation for a minute and replace yourself with a friend. Being a fly on the wall, what would you tell your most loyal friend to do? Sometimes we can give better advice than we take...
Plus, if you are not sure, snoop around. But I think you know she's cheating because you said you are "TOLERATING" it.
Love yourself more than that, Bro. So many good men end up "ruined" and turn to dogs after dealing with these type of women. Let her go and find someone who needs and deserves a good guy.
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Post by stargazer on Dec 6, 2009 1:00:47 GMT -5
d**n. Thank you for telling it to me straight... and with such wit. I can't even tell you how much I needed that. Capt-save-a-hoe....lol.... yeah that's me. I couldn't step out of my shoes and view this objectively if I wanted to. My feelings are too overwhelming. Everything you said is just right on. The longer it goes on the more I've just started feeling like sex is meaningless and it doesn't matter if people cheat. If I stayed in that I'd end up with some unhealthy attitudes toward relationships. And probably an STD too. But as of this morning it's over. Over. Over. Over. I don't have any right to see those kids again and I don't think she'll ever let me see them again either.  It was the most unpleasant day I have ever, ever had in my entire life. I did not think one person could say such cruel things to someone they had allegedly once loved. Actually, the entire time together I can't recall her ever once saying she loved me. Ever. In fact, I've often suspected the only reason she ever got back together in the first place was she couldn't stand that after she dumped me I ended up with someone she thought was prettier. I really believe after today, after the way she reacted to my wanting out, that she has a mental disorder. I don't think any normal person could have acted the way she did. You are so right when you say there's probably a reason the other men aren't around. I've been judging them this whole time, but the truth is I've never even met them. All I know is what SHE says about them. I think the whole situation is uglier and sadder than watching two homeless people fight over garbage scraps, which I had the displeasure of seeing today. I wandered aimlessly around for three hours today and I saw these two fools duking it out over garbage... and I just thought, "d**n. That is humanity in a nutshell. That is what it all boils down to in the end." |
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It was the most unpleasant day I have ever, ever had in my entire life. I did not think one person could say such cruel things to someone they had allegedly once loved. Actually, the entire time together I can't recall her ever once saying she loved me. Ever. In fact, I've often suspected the only reason she ever got back together in the first place was she couldn't stand that after she dumped me I ended up with someone she thought was prettier. I really believe after today, after the way she reacted to my wanting out, that she has a mental disorder. I don't think any normal person could have acted the way she did. You are so right when you say there's probably a reason the other men aren't around. I've been judging them this whole time, but the truth is I've never even met them. All I know is what SHE says about them. I think the whole situation is uglier and sadder than watching two homeless people fight over garbage scraps, which I had the displeasure of seeing today. I wandered aimlessly around for three hours today and I saw these two fools duking it out over garbage... and I just thought, "d**n. That is humanity in a nutshell. That is what it all boils down to in the end."