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Post by needadvice on Dec 26, 2009 9:53:27 GMT -5
I'm 29-year-old lawyer. But i am about to become BM # 3. The story goes like this, i had a crash on an older (33 at that time) doctor when i was only 17 years old. He knew i did, but at that time we didn't do anything. he said i was too young. We didn't see eachother for almost 12-years. Three month ago, i ran into him. I couldn't believe i felt the same about him. He said he always thought about me, and wondered what had happened to me. To make a story short..in the last 11 years he got married, has two kids and is divorced. We saw eachother every weekend. He's busy, not only working, but he's a womenizer. Anyways, i just found out i'm pregnant. I told him (via text) yesterday. He replied, he was so happy. Double the joy. He told me the girl (only 20yrs old) he was seeing over the summer is also pregnant. she moved to another country before she found out she was pregnant. The problem is i don't want to be a BM. I want to get married have a family. I don't i can have that with him. He hasn't even called me yet. I'm considering terminating the pregnancy. I know i will not have a future with him. I think he is only interested in having as many kids as possible. He's rich, he can offered child support. but he is not interested serious relationship. please help
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Post by brittany on Dec 28, 2009 7:46:36 GMT -5
Hi there. I am not sure if what I have to say will help you, but I'll try to give my opinion. My best friend was in a situation similar to yours (aside from cetain details). She ended up pregnant by a guy who already had one child and his ex girlfriend ended up pregnant when my friend did (all by this same guy). My friend really wanted a baby, and she did indeed feel for this man-she knew the situation didnt really seem to be what she had hoped but she kept telling herself maybe if I have his son, he will end up realizing he should be with me and settle down. He even promised her things and gave her hope for a possible future with them as a family. Well long story short, today she has her son, the dad is half azz involved, was with his original girlfriend (who also had his baby) but they broke up b/c he was cheating on her with my bff (who was told that the dad and his ex were way over b/c she was crazy). So now the dad doesnt pay his child support, neglects her son and threatens her if she doesnt let him see their son whenever he randomly decides he's in the mood to be a dad. Just the fact that the man your seeing already has a girl pregnant the same time you are and doesnt seem to mind is a HUGE RED FLAG. I can garauntee you are in for a life full of drama, if that is something you think you can handle then so be it, but if that is not you-then regardless what anyones beliefs are you need to think of the long run and what you want. Some mothers will say I dont need a father for my child, if he doesnt want to be around then screw him, and thats is okay too. What can YOU handle in your life? What do you think you can get through b/c if this man isnt going to be a good father figure you can expect to take on the father roll as well. It can be done, is that okay with you?
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Post by ty1981 on Dec 28, 2009 11:52:51 GMT -5
That was good advice!I'll go even one step further and say think about how youre going to feel if it doesn't turn out the way you want. I would be at the first clinic but that's just me.
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Post by brittany on Dec 28, 2009 12:26:25 GMT -5
Not to sound harsh, but I 2nd that! Ty is right, and if it were ME....I would also be at the clinic ASAP even! Only b/c I have seen this situation and I can sense you are getting yourslef and your unborn child into a VERY UGLY mess that will most likely only let you down and have regrets. I would NEVER NEVER regret a child that has been born, my own flesh and blood but I know there have been times when my BFF has admitted she wishes she had made different decisions b/c its her son who she now has to see suffer. The father has gotten all his kids names tatooed on him some place but not her son and he has his other kids 24/7 but not her son IN FACT the father resents her son b/c it caused a huge wedge in the relationship he wanted to be in, but the girl currently left him. He now takes that out on my bff and her son even though it was mainly the fathers SICK actions that caused ALL of this. However, the consequences will fall harder on the mother, which is understandable b/c it was the mother who let herself fall for this.
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Post by stargazer on Dec 30, 2009 4:48:49 GMT -5
This guy you're with is a real !#%hole. I would ditch him. Don't forget adoption is always an option too. There's lots of women who can't get pregnant but would like to have children. You're in a hard situation though. I don't envy you. I've been with someone I knew was bad, but couldn't bring myself to ditch. It'll hurt, but when you get past that and look back, you'll be real glad you did.
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Post by stepmommy88 on Dec 30, 2009 19:09:50 GMT -5
I agree with stargazer. adoption should be considered! I hope things go well for you.
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Post by honesty on Jan 20, 2010 23:13:45 GMT -5
wow. well first let me say that it seems that the dr. will never change and for a girl that is 20 messing with a dr that could be her dad is just nasty and her only objective is to land someone that has money. you on the other hand has a career and as a young lawyer your job is going to be very demanding. unless you have a great support system than maybe you can raise a child on your own. but the drama with this man will live forever. you will deal with an emotion rollercoster that will never be in your favor. move on with your life and close the this chapter. you and every girl should have that traditional story, met man, fall in love with man, get marry to man, and than HAVE BABY with man, grow old with man, the happily ever after story. but in the end you need to decided what will work for you
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