Keep tryin' to my last breath

[Mr Don T Pissmeoff]

No matter what I do or say it everybodies a mess up but her. She was'nt ready for a real relationship and I can understand that people sometimes bite off more than they can chew. Things change whan the house hold splits. I sacrificed my own time to allow this person to get their ducks in a row. I took on the role of stay at home dad. All baby momma had to do was go to school from 8am-12pm then go to work after for a few hours. Cooool, I thought, this can work. Wrong! I wound up wondering is it just me or is this girl spoiled? She does nothing more than what she wants to do. I felt like a true behind after awhile. I was unhappy & she was to apparently. SHe cheated on me but I was still fighting to find the secret to have a better relationship. To make a long story short, she broke up with me because she thinks I have a Bad attitude. She doesnt come at me the way I approach about whats goin on in the house hold. We go our seperate ways but nshe still wants to have the same benifits that she had when I was there. If she wants to party she will call me and tell me it's my responsibility too to keep my child( mind you I wound up staying in a homeless shelter in the break up proccess and still resides there). She says you can watch the baby at my house( the place you ran me away from my child) That reminds me how a person may have a cat to catch mice in the house, but will only let the cat in when they see the mouse. when they dont they kick the cat out! She tld me to do me so thats what i'm doin', gettin my ducks in a row. For a while I would get my daughter every weekend and spend the weekend at my mothers house. When I started working my new job that changed. A one point I would drop important thing that I had to do to watch my daughter while she went to work. She took advantage of that. She would say she's gettin' off work at 8pm and will be home at 9pm then after time goes past that time I call her and she says she stopped past her friends house to get a drink. I asked her when is she comin in, because I needed to get back to the shelter for bed count,she say she'll be ther when she gets there. Soooo, slowly but surely I started cutting her off. So I cut off communication for a moment. Then tried a different approach. I asked her if we start to try to be friends. At some point she thought another female was keepin' me away from my daughter. Aint no Way! She started wanting to have relations again, I tried it out, but I was'nt feelin that. I still have feelings for her but I put that to the side so I could keep my concern on my child. That did'nt work. I don't want to bring the courts in prematurely but I think she uses my child to try to control me. That really pisses me off! What do you think?

[ayzha]

You need to set up boundaries. You may not be in the best position now for a court order being that you do not have any secure housing so I would hold off on that thought. Being that you are low income and bm works on a few hours, it maybe possible to get free or lox cost day care somewhere near your BM house. That way you wont have to miss work for BM to go to work. You guys are now in two different household so no combined income so you will need all the money that you can get. You should not hang out at BM house, it will lead to future conflict when you do find a female of interest plus your BM does not need to feel that you still need her. Let your parents or even a cool friend know your situation and see if they will let you spend time with your child at their place. You can even take your child on random errands or out to the park or McDonald without BM and enjoy your time with your child. You are not with your BM and need to start establishing a seperate life. It will help you gain more control and self-confidence in yourself. Move on from your BM. She has cheated and goes out all the time. She is moving on and enjoying life so you must do the same. Dont spend every weekend cooped in the house or shelter with your child because you deserve a social life too. Being a dad is a part of you, it does not make you who you are. You can be an excellent dad and still get time to enjoy yourself.
Dont let BM in on your personal life, if you do have a woman that is not her concern. You will always be there for your child. BM may eventually get a new BF if she doesnt already have one so dont sit around waiting on her. She wants to keep you as an option and make sure that you are always available. Not good for your child. Your child should see their father as strong and did the best that he could in his situation. Things will look up. Give it time and give your BM space while still being a great dad.

[tomcat7000]

Thanx. I think sometime that I should try to still keep some type of repore with BM. I feel as if she uses the fact that i'm BD she can ask me for thing she needs. I dont mind giving anybody anything that they may need but I dont need tha drama of her makin things hard for my daughter. She has already shown me she's selfish and has to have it her way all the time. No consideration for my mind. For instant, my phone happened to call her number( nothing happens for no reason) and she sat on the other end and listened to my conversation with the girl I was dealing with at the time. Called me back and cursed me out called the girl a B. Like I said before I tried a different approach (tried to develope a friendship but all she could do is offer me her body( which sucks) and we wound up doin something but it was'nt right to me. The whole nut in the shell is she play a serios game with me & my heart so I really don't consider her a real friend. I love her to death but I think she didn't learn for her parents what a real friend is. That hurts me because thats gonna affect my baby after awhile. She'll say in a heart beat " What, You want me to need you?" Then when she looses her wallet or has a misfortune she callin me. I really want to say to her, " Why you call me, why don't you call you boyfriend or all these dudes that you spend your time with. It's not my duty to get you out of jams." but I don't say that, I just stay humble a help her out. On 1 hand I feel wrong for thinking to say that but on the other I feel thats what I should say....... What do you think? I want to show people love regardless of what they do but I hate being treated like a sucka. Ya Dig?

[blaquechinadoll]

Tomcat--
Just because you are a BD, doeesn't mean you are obligated to a woman for life. If the child was from love or a mistake, you are obligated for 18 -24 years to the child, not the mother. So with that being said, what happens if you get another BM or wife w/ a child? If BM calls for help & wife calls for help at the same time (not child related), who are you going to help? What if both BMs call for a non-child related emergency, which BM do you help first? Someone is going to hear a "No." Your mom (or whoever raised you) have told you "No" before. Did that mean that person did not love you? It either meant you were about to make a mistake, or that what you wanted was not pertinent at the time, no matter how you felt about it... And guess what? You survived. When a person asks you a question, they have a 50% chance of hearing yes and a 50% chance of hearing no.
You are HUMAN. And whether you consider your child a curse or a blessing, neither lasts forever. So, ask youself this: Are you gonna be BM's Captain-Save-A-Ho for life? Is she going to play you until you are 60? You can have a repoire and be cordial without being a fool, however the feeling may not be mutual. Some BMs accept their realtionships with their BDs for what it is, some get & stay upset, some respect the fact that you stand up for yourself... That all depends on the BM you choose.
Don't do ANYTHING if it doesnt feel right. That doesn't mean you have to be a smart ass and tell her to get one of her dudes to do it. Sometimes (except with extreme crazy BM's), it's not what you say, but how you say it.
At the rate you are going, you are going to allow her to ruin future reltionships. You are not her man, nor do you have a family with her, it is as simple as: you are the father of her child. PERIOD. The more you give, the more she'll take. Sometimes you have to hit IGNORE on the phone. You CAN NOT show everyone love. Unfortunately, the world doesn't rotate on that axis. But ensuring that you are respected and being respectful takes some reserve. Sometimes, you can't always say what you want. You see that she is easily excitable, don't feed into her, getting her riled up. Instead, cut her short when she gets disrespectful and tell her to have a good day. THE END. You may love her to death, but express that love thru your child. A CBM that hears "I love you", takes those 3 words and build a monument with them. They think that they 'still got you", or that you still want them. Those 3 words are misleading. Save them for your child...
NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES: It will seem mean & cruel at first, but like life, love, and death: You'll get over it in a lil while...
Good Luck!