Post by therealwife on May 10, 2010 14:29:59 GMT -5
Hello there,
It's been quite a while since I last posted on here. Hello to all the newbies, wassup to the "old hats". ;D Life in my household has gotten a lot more peaceful. The divorce still has not gone through, much to my dismay (and his fear of my whomping him on the head for not taking care of this shiz years ago), but there has been no money for that up to this point. Keeping the rent and bills paid, not to mention the car running and food in the fridge has been two full-time jobs. But it's slowly getting better. I feel optimistic. I started working in Feb and we're due some school refund money, so SO knows what I want first when those checks come in.
BM has finally backed off of my household. She now understands that this is MY castle and I am queen here. Everyone sides with me and SO, even her mama. I don't think her animosity has lessened, but at least I don't have to deal with it as much now. It is not my fault that NEITHER OF THEM pursued this divorce all those years, I am not playing the part of "the other woman" when they'd been separated living in different states for so long. I decided that it was not worth my energy for me to continue to be mad at my SO for what neither of us could immediately change, and since he wanted to be as far removed from her as I did, I didn't feel the insecurity of him ever going back to her. So the marriage turned into just a legality...though chick keeps taking things out in his name. I have to file Chapter 7 because of my medical bills; I'm going to wait until after we're married and lump his stuff in with mine...and send letters to all of those companies letting them know that he is not responsible for those bills, but babymama at *insert address here* with social security number *insert here* is...and to contact her.
She's stopped calling my house period, because I told her she will not call and hang up on the phone I pay for or block her number, or any of that nonsense. I had no problem with her calling, but she could act like an adult...apparently not what she wanted to do. Oh well. So she calls his cell, and she no longer calls his work claiming a title she never respected (wife), because everyone there knows me and will call her by my name just to tick her off. I think she's finally realized that SO is moving on, and to just let it happen. I hope she finds her own happiness so she can be too busy to be in ours. Not to mention the animosity towards an infant who doesn't know she exists. Want to see the angry mother bear in me, mess with my son.
Little Terror is almost a year-and-a-half. He's tall enough to reach doorknobs, stove knobs, anything on a table or counter...where did my infant go??? Life has not been easy for us in our household, finances, this HUGE secret that SO decided to keep from me, and then our inability to rectify it due to no money...few people around us really know what it means to be "affected by the recession". I went on maternity leave right when the economy failed...it was hell. But things are finally looking up. Talk about a Gordian knot!!!
My son is into everything, hardheaded like his aunt, father and one of his sisters. My stepdaughters and I get along well, better than I had expected at this point. We are hoping to see them this summer, SO will be appealing to maternal grandmother for aid, as she seems to see reason with regards to the visitation situation.
Mother's Day was nice, Little Man is calling me "mommy" now. We went to eat, went to church, came home. People really do look at us strange when we say we can't afford to go out.
I feel like I've waited forever for this situation to right itself, and had I known what I know now, perhaps SO would not have had the chance that he did as far as getting to know me is concerned...but all Little Man knows is that his parents love him and are united around him, so the two of us have worked out the kinks (and continue to) for his sake. SO has worked as hard as he can given the marriage situation, so I can't say he's not trying. Still, it hasn't been easy.
But it's a hell of a lot easier knowing that I don't have that woman blowing up my house phone anymore, or playing keep away with the kids. She knows what's coming.
It's been quite a while since I last posted on here. Hello to all the newbies, wassup to the "old hats". ;D Life in my household has gotten a lot more peaceful. The divorce still has not gone through, much to my dismay (and his fear of my whomping him on the head for not taking care of this shiz years ago), but there has been no money for that up to this point. Keeping the rent and bills paid, not to mention the car running and food in the fridge has been two full-time jobs. But it's slowly getting better. I feel optimistic. I started working in Feb and we're due some school refund money, so SO knows what I want first when those checks come in.
BM has finally backed off of my household. She now understands that this is MY castle and I am queen here. Everyone sides with me and SO, even her mama. I don't think her animosity has lessened, but at least I don't have to deal with it as much now. It is not my fault that NEITHER OF THEM pursued this divorce all those years, I am not playing the part of "the other woman" when they'd been separated living in different states for so long. I decided that it was not worth my energy for me to continue to be mad at my SO for what neither of us could immediately change, and since he wanted to be as far removed from her as I did, I didn't feel the insecurity of him ever going back to her. So the marriage turned into just a legality...though chick keeps taking things out in his name. I have to file Chapter 7 because of my medical bills; I'm going to wait until after we're married and lump his stuff in with mine...and send letters to all of those companies letting them know that he is not responsible for those bills, but babymama at *insert address here* with social security number *insert here* is...and to contact her.
She's stopped calling my house period, because I told her she will not call and hang up on the phone I pay for or block her number, or any of that nonsense. I had no problem with her calling, but she could act like an adult...apparently not what she wanted to do. Oh well. So she calls his cell, and she no longer calls his work claiming a title she never respected (wife), because everyone there knows me and will call her by my name just to tick her off. I think she's finally realized that SO is moving on, and to just let it happen. I hope she finds her own happiness so she can be too busy to be in ours. Not to mention the animosity towards an infant who doesn't know she exists. Want to see the angry mother bear in me, mess with my son.
Little Terror is almost a year-and-a-half. He's tall enough to reach doorknobs, stove knobs, anything on a table or counter...where did my infant go??? Life has not been easy for us in our household, finances, this HUGE secret that SO decided to keep from me, and then our inability to rectify it due to no money...few people around us really know what it means to be "affected by the recession". I went on maternity leave right when the economy failed...it was hell. But things are finally looking up. Talk about a Gordian knot!!!
My son is into everything, hardheaded like his aunt, father and one of his sisters. My stepdaughters and I get along well, better than I had expected at this point. We are hoping to see them this summer, SO will be appealing to maternal grandmother for aid, as she seems to see reason with regards to the visitation situation.
Mother's Day was nice, Little Man is calling me "mommy" now. We went to eat, went to church, came home. People really do look at us strange when we say we can't afford to go out.
I feel like I've waited forever for this situation to right itself, and had I known what I know now, perhaps SO would not have had the chance that he did as far as getting to know me is concerned...but all Little Man knows is that his parents love him and are united around him, so the two of us have worked out the kinks (and continue to) for his sake. SO has worked as hard as he can given the marriage situation, so I can't say he's not trying. Still, it hasn't been easy.
But it's a hell of a lot easier knowing that I don't have that woman blowing up my house phone anymore, or playing keep away with the kids. She knows what's coming.