baby mama driving me crazy

[ola2121]

Hey all, I am new to this site. Me and my husband have being together for 19 years and 6 yrs married. I love him, we have being tring to get pregnancy for ever. Back in 2008, he told me he has a 3 months old bady by this urgly lady, I was so disappointed. I took it like it nothing but the little girl is 31 months now and he his really a good father he does everything for her but my problem is I don't get the see the little girl he always go there and spend the night like ones a week or every other week which i don't like and I always fight about that. All the time he goes there and spend 8 to 9 hrs without picking up my calls and when i asked him why he never picked up he would say he don't want the bm to get into his business.

He love me, I know that and I can see it from his action but I can't stand him going to spend the night there or staying there for 8 hrs not picking up my calls. She know that I don't have a child of my own yet, I called her so many time to leave my hb alone but she will never say a word but still call him all day and even now they go to the movies together will the baby. she has taken over my happiness and I don't know what to do becos I am burning is pain and i which I can just get her out of the way. My hb love the little girl alot he can't do with buying her stuff, he even pay for her rent since she had the bady. I don't know what to do I am just lonely. Please tell me should I stay calm and not jously or should I fight and let her know that I exsisted. Because she and her mom her trying to take over my life. The mom calls him almost everyday, I don't know what they talk about.

[memy]

Hello Ola, I know u may love your husband but he is the one that you need to talk to about this, not the childs mother. YOUR HUSBAND goes to her house for 8 hrs and spends the nite there. YOUR HUSBAND is allowing/doing all these things when in reality, he SHOULD NOT be. You have every right to be upset with your HUSBAND because of his failure to set boundaries with the childs mother. Your anger is misplaced, therefore you shouldn't waste your time being jealous of the BM but upset with your husband...

[keke]

im sorry to say but it sounds like he is having a sexual relationship with his baby momma. There is no reason for him to spend nights with her at her place. You already know somthings going on use your womanly intuition.

[WhattheF]

Are you kidding me? Your husband spends the night at least once per week or spends at least 8 hours at his BM's house. He doesn't answer your calls. He & BM are gnikcuf. Open your eyes!! What should you do? Drop his azz like a hot potato. He is cheating on you with the BM.

There is no need to hold on to a fantasy. Honey, he is going to LEAVE you eventually anyway for the BM. It will all be for "his daughter" because he won't be man enough to say, "I don't love you anymore and I want to be with her". The BM is not your problem. He IS!!!

[myselfandi]

WOW!! No way should YOU be standing for this behavior. And I agree with the ladies who are being up front with you about your issue being your DH. He is playin house with BM AND paying her rent? If you put 2 + 2 together, it will make 4.

And in doing the math what you are not saying is that he cheated on you and had a baby with another woman outside his marriage. So, this woman MUST know about you right? Or maybe not?

You are his WIFE and he needs to give you the respect of one. Not to answer the phone while over another womans house and staying the night there is, in my book, called cheating.

You can't get mad cuz you've allowed this to go on. So, the question you need to ask yourself is "Is he worth all of this?" Because I doubt he is going to change or disrupt his world cuz he's having his cake and eating it too.

[eyeswideopen]

Nooo sweetheart!! Nooooo.

Your HUSBAND needs to sit down and talk with you. You have a right to make certain demands of him, especially since he cheated on you. It sounds to me like he is living a double life. And why the hell is he paying her rent. She was paying rent before the baby, she can continue paying rent after the baby. I never did understand this with some men. Paying rent, utilities, cable, phone, etc. The BM was paying this before she had a baby. The baby didn't make these bills go up, so whyis the BD responsible for paying these bills after the baby.

Okay, here's what I would do.

1. Sit down with hubby and tell him how you feel. Discuss with him how you want him to call when he is over at BMs place.

2. If you don't like it, give him an ultimatum. Either he visits the baby at your home, or you will be filing for divorce! Be prepared to back it up.

3. Your husband needs to handle his business legally. He needs to formally petition for child support arrangements and visitation. He has the right to see his child in HIS own home with his wife. No matter what the ignorant BM may threaten or say, once this ball is rolling, she can't stop him from taking the child to his home.

4. Fiind out why he hasn't already filed for visitation and child support. Trust me, he is already paying rent, and who knows what else, child support would be easier and more convenient.

If it were me, I would seriously question why my husband wants to live 2 lives. He truly is having his cake and eating it too. Most likely he is sleeping with BM and paying rent, pretending he is either seperated from his wife, or not in a relationship at all. In my experience men do this to keep the peace and come and go as they please so they can continue to see the baby.

This is bullnuts! HAVE HIM FILE FOR VISITATION AND CHILD SUPPORT. If he refuses, then I would seriously consider finding a good divorce attorney.

[youknow]

Excuse my bluntnesss.....but you a da*n fool. You are allwoing him to disrespect you and your relationship and he is taking full advantage. It seems as if he wants to be with his BM as he is disrepecting you for her. If I was you I would either law down the law if you love him....don't let him take advantage of the fact that you love him because he IS. Or divorce his azz and let that dog lie with that dog.