SOME QUESTIONS FOR THE BM

[caramel1976]

Why wont BM let the BD alone, if he doesn't want them anymore?
Why do they hate the new woman in the BD life?
How long does the BM have to see, he is in love with someone else?
Why do the BM not want the new woman to be around the kids, yet the BM has a man in her life who see's the kids? Yet she isn't concerned about the BD not wanting his kids around other men.
Why do BM want to fight the new woman?
It's not her fault the BD doesn't want the BM anymore.
I don't understand why Some BM still feel because they have kids with a man, that he has to stay in a relationship with her. If a man doesn't want you, then let it go already.
I mean how sad for a woman to be so desperate, that she has to use her kids and ponds.
Are BM that jealous and bitter of the new woman.
That she will lie and say things about the BD that aren't even true.
I had a friend who made her daughter tell CPS that the BD did sexual things to her. Now that is really low. please women don't be mad at me. I am just wondering why so many BM act this way. I am thinking it's because they feel that man still belongs to them. Maybe because he is doing way more for the new woman, then he did for the BM when they were a couple. That is not the new woman's fault. Just find someone better suited for them. Just because they are kids in the picture, doesn't mean you guys will become a family. I have no kids. So i guess it's easy for me to say all these things. I guess if I had kids with a someone. I might think differently. However, I know I would never become a crazy baby mama, lol. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of men who could use an ass kicking. I mean the one's who don't take care of their kids at all. Women please pick better choices to have your offspring with.

[STALKMUCH]

Why wont BM let the BD alone, if he doesn't want them anymore?

The same reason why you won't leave BD alone when he doesn't want you anymore.

Why do they hate the new woman in the BD life?

In your case BM is pregnant with twins. She was living with him when you met him. From her viewpoint, you are the other woman. I wouldn't like you either. Or him either for that matter.

How long does the BM have to see, he is in love with someone else?

The same amount of time that you have to see he doesn't want you. When you see it maybe the BM will see it.

Why do the BM not want the new woman to be around the kids, yet the BM has a man in her life who see's the kids? Yet she isn't concerned about the BD not wanting his kids around other men.
Why do BM want to fight the new woman?

Maybe because she was living with BM and in a relationship when you met him. Would you be best friends with you if you were in BMs position? Come on?!!

It's not her fault the BD doesn't want the BM anymore.

Just like its not your fault BD doesn't want you anymore. Let it go!

I don't understand why Some BM still feel because they have kids with a man, that he has to stay in a relationship with her.

If a man doesn't want you, then let it go already.

Take your own advice.

I mean how sad for a woman to be so desperate, that she has to use her kids and ponds.

Its even sadder for a woman without kids to be so desperate as to chase after an old azz man with unborn twins.

Are BM that jealous and bitter of the new woman.
That she will lie and say things about the BD that aren't even true.
I had a friend who made her daughter tell CPS that the BD did sexual things to her. Now that is really low. please women don't be mad at me. I am just wondering why so many BM act this way. I am thinking it's because they feel that man still belongs to them. Maybe because he is doing way more for the new woman, then he did for the BM when they were a couple. That is not the new woman's fault. Just find someone better suited for them. Just because they are kids in the picture, doesn't mean you guys will become a family. I have no kids. So i guess it's easy for me to say all these things. I guess if I had kids with a someone. I might think differently. However, I know I would never become a crazy baby mama, lol. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of men who could use an ass kicking. I mean the one's who don't take care of their kids at all. Women please pick better choices to have your offspring with.

Do you realize that your questions and so called advice apply to you? Stop harping on a man who doesn't want you. He has shown you who he is and what he wants by not answering your emails or calls. When a person shows you who they are believe 'em.

[caramel1976]

I just read some of your other comments to my other post. Yes, I will agree that when someone shows you who they are, we need to believe them. You can condemn me for being human if you want to. If I were the BM of course I wouldn't like me. However, she can't blame me for his actions. Yes she was living with him, until he made her leave. Before we met she was on the way out anyway. I had nothing to do with their break up or him kicking her out. If I was pregnant by a man who put me out of his house. Regardless of why I was put out. Yes, I might be unset. I still wouldn't turn into a crazy bit**. I would wait until the kids were born and have him pay child support. It's her fault she was put out. She was crazy before she got pregnant. So all the hormones has nothing to do with it. If anything, I would be mad that he moved on so soon. That is the thing that would hurt me. However, that is something I would deal with. Life isn't what we plan it to be. Yes a man should be there for his unborn kids. However, if that woman is crazy and abusive, what should a man do? Do you assume he should stay with her and work it out? I mean come on now. That doesn't make sense. Someone will end up dead.Truth is, no one wants to feel like their not wanted. Especially a woman who is pregnant. Like I already said. That doesn't mean things will end the way they should. Life's a bit** sometimes. I don't need to see any doctor. I am perfectly normal. I have learned to not believe what a man tells me. Until he shows me with his actions.

[jaylady999]

Oooh questions! I wanna play ;D

Why wont BM let the BD alone, if he doesn't want them anymore?

Honestly, you dont know what this man is telling her, all you know is what he's telling you. And we ALL know men will say what they have to in order to get what they want.

Why do they hate the new woman in the BD life?

This, I dont have an answer for. I am one of those BMs who wont let any GF of BDs even be important enough for me to hate. [/color]

How long does the BM have to see, he is in love with someone else?

As long as it takes, but it doesnt matter. If he doesnt love her, it will be obvious to both you and her.

Why do the BM not want the new woman to be around the kids, yet the BM has a man in her life who see's the kids? Yet she isn't concerned about the BD not wanting his kids around other men.

Why do BM want to fight the new woman?

These two I cant answer, neither one has ever been my particular style

It's not her fault the BD doesn't want the BM anymore.
I don't understand why Some BM still feel because they have kids with a man, that he has to stay in a relationship with her. If a man doesn't want you, then let it go already.

Yep

I mean how sad for a woman to be so desperate, that she has to use her kids and ponds.

Are BM that jealous and bitter of the new woman.

Some, but not all.

That she will lie and say things about the BD that aren't even true.
I had a friend who made her daughter tell CPS that the BD did sexual things to her. Now that is really low. please women don't be mad at me. I am just wondering why so many BM act this way. I am thinking it's because they feel that man still belongs to them. Maybe because he is doing way more for the new woman, then he did for the BM when they were a couple. That is not the new woman's fault. Just find someone better suited for them. Just because they are kids in the picture, doesn't mean you guys will become a family. I have no kids. So i guess it's easy for me to say all these things. I guess if I had kids with a someone. I might think differently. However, I know I would never become a crazy baby mama, lol. Don't get me wrong. There are a lot of men who could use an ass kicking. I mean the one's who don't take care of their kids at all. Women please pick better choices to have your offspring with.

Really? I think better advice would be, please pick better men to get in a relationship with than one who is is expecting twins. You think?

[jaylady999]

However, she can't blame me for his actions. Yes she was living with him, until he made her leave. Before we met she was on the way out anyway. I had nothing to do with their break up or him kicking her out. If I was pregnant by a man who put me out of his house. Regardless of why I was put out. Yes, I might be unset. I still wouldn't turn into a crazy bit**

I was the pregnant live in GF who's BD got involved in a relationship with another chick and let me tell you, one thing BD never ever would have done was try to put me out. Although, he wouldnt be in a position to put me out because where I live, my name is on papers at all times, even today. But my point is, how could you even claim to love a man who would even put the mother to his unborn twins out on the street anyway? It speaks volumes about him to do it, and says a little bit about you to applaud that nasty behavior. Ick.

I dont take what you say personal, because my situation happened what seemed like eons ago, but it did happen and reading your rants does take me back just a little bit to how I felt when I found out BD was in a relationship with someone else. And yes, I had conversations with this female and you wanna know what she told me IN FRONT of him? She told me that BD continuously told her that he and I were already broken up, just living together until the baby got here. This was news to me since he was still loving on me, rubbin my belly and playin perfect Dad.

He's a man. If he's a cheater, he'll say what he has to say to either one of you to keep the situation under control. So dont ever believe that BM is the crazy one in this situation. You only know one side of his lying story. You appear to be flattered that he put her out, like that proves to you he loves you or something. I think its disgusting quite frankly.

BD in my sitch was a dog, completely. But he'd never ever in a million years treat me so cold and again, if I were you, I could never even claim to love a man who'd be so heartless.

[caramel1976]

WowJaylady999. I am lost for words. I truly respect you for being to honest and upfront with me. At first I really wasn't taking things women said to me on this site to seriously. However, you have changed that factor. What you said was from your own experiences. So many things you said got to me. Honestly I am not sure why I would be in love with a man who would put his soon to be BM out of his house. I wasn't excited about that fact. I guess I was thinking OK now we can have a real relationship because. With her no longer living at his house. It was silly of me to think that way. I have no kids. So of course it's easy for me to say what I would and wouldn't do. Truth is I am not sure what I would do if the tables were turned. I would be hurt that he moved on to someone else so soon. Not to mention that I was still pregnant with his kids. Your right about there being two sides to every story. I did say that in my post as well. Truth is I don't know what he was telling her. I am almost sure her story would be a whole lot different from the one he had told me. Your right about him being cold hearted. Truth is no matter how the relationship was going. After he found out she was having his kids. One would think he would let her continue to live there. Like I said she is still living in one of his apt buildings that he owns, for free. So it's not like he put her on the streets with her three other kids. I never said I was happy that he put her out. Your right, I should pick someone who doesn't have twins on the way to be in a relationship with. Never once did I say I was right about what happened. However, I still say that having a man's child or children. Doesn't mean they have to have a relationship with one another. In my case she was still pregnant. He did leave me alone to tend more to her needs. Even though he told me he doesn't want to be with her. He knows he had to be there while she's pregnant. It sounds as if I am taking up for him. I am not trying to come off that way. Point blank we shouldn't have been dealing with one another. I wont lie, I was pissed that he completely left me alone. Like you guys have been saying. I got what I deserved. I have already moved on with my life. You being so honest about you being the pregnant BM. Really made me think about what I have been saying on these posts. I now see I came off a bit obsessed with this man. I had a weak moment in my life. Truth is I don't want a man who has twins on the way. I don't even have kids of my own. The last thing I want is to be taking care of someone else's babies. I know I deserve my own man without all the added stress and drama. I also believe in KARMA. What goes around will for sure come back around. My ex boyfriend I was with for 7 years. Cheated on me with someone else in another state. That was almost five years ago. They are still together till this day. That really hurt me. So maybe in the back of my mind. I was thinking if someone took my man from me, why can't I do the same to someone else. It's not my fault she couldn't keep her man. In reality he will have also done that same sh** to me down the road. I don't want to have bad KARMA come back to bite me in the a$$. Once again I want to thank you for being so honest and direct with me. As a woman I would never want to be in your shoes. Your a very strong woman. You truly opened up my eyes to a lot of sh**. Just for the record I haven't, nor do I plan to call or email him again. It's not just because of what people have been saying to me on this post. It's also because I knew we had no business being with one another in the first place.

[jaylady999]

Glad I could help. If my story helps any one in any capacity, then it was worth the pain I went through. The good news is, though, I survived it and BD and I have a great parenting relationship for the most part. Our son is almost 13 and we've had very few issues over the last decade.

The regulars on this site know my story, as well, I know theirs. The girl that BD claimed to love while I was pregnant was married to someone else at the time too.

I left him alone, but didnt stand in the way of him being a father to his son. The girl ended up divorcing her DH and her and BD tried to make a go of a relationship. If memory serves me right, it lasted just over a year or so. They had serious trust issues. Go figure. But I have to be honest when I say this. I've seen women come and go in BDs life and she was one who I honestly felt he loved ALOT. I think that had they met under difference circumstances(and BD wasnt such a womanizer), they may have worked out in the end.

I remember when DS was about 2 years old and BD and I took him to the Taste of Chicago, the two of them had pretty much recently broken up. Its a million some people come to the Taste daily and we ran into her, wow. She was speechless. She looked so hurt to see us together, but really we werent 'together' , we were just taking out son on an outing together. we were both single, so no boundaries being crossed. She looked crushed. It was funny because even though her and BD hurt me to my core, I didnt like feeling as if I'd hurt her. thats not the type of person I am. But it is what it is.

That being said, the experience I went through with BD while i preggers has absolutely made me the woman I am today, and it makes me proud ;D

[caramel1976]

Wow, your better then a lot of BM. They would have made the other women think they were back together. I guess that's when you know you have truly moved on with your life. Being that you said you didn't want to hurt her. Even though the both of them hurt you to the core. I truly think that when two people connect while their both in another relationship. For the most part, it doesn't last that long. Like you said they both had trust issues with one another. Right now I am learning to put myself first. I would never try to hard to please another man. Not to mention one who was 65, lol. The truth is when women make it easy for a man. Those are the women they seem take advantage of. I wish women would learn they don't have to jump, when a man says how high. What will happen is once they break up. She will feel like she went far and beyond to make him happy. However, that was her choice. That's when she will truly go off the wall. I am glad that you and your BD are able to get along for the child. I wonder if I really want to have kids. It seems like so much work and stress. I for one don't want to be another single BM. If and when I do have kids . I will for sure be married first. At least that's my plan. I want to thank you for sharing so much of your private life with me.

[jaylady999]

No problem at all ;D I am glad you see that you do deserve better than that particular situation you were in.

[youknow]

You know what I have realized some people are petty and immature and always will be. You cannot allow those people to drage you down to there level. It is jealousy plain and simple. There are so many hate filled, jealous toxic people in the world. If it wasn't BM it would be a coworker, a sibling, people just hateful especially if you have something they want, or wish they had. I have learned this lesson as I have progressed in my nursing career. Anytime you dealing with people expect anything because people can be jealous and petty and vindictive simply because you are doing well or possess somethng they wish they had. It would take effort and real character not to be that way most people simply woun't work on themselves that hard.

I have Jaylin as ya'll old members know and my sis has a baby Cydney who just turned 1 years old. She trys to compete with me in everything I do, imitates me, takes shots at my son always trying to compete the kids and make her daughter do the same things I've done with my son. Also she even made the statement, "I want Cydney to have the same thngs as Jaylin." How in the hel is tht possible when I work as an RN, you don't. Jaylin's dad is noti involve (thank god) but does financially contribute plus Jaylin's way older than her baby so he's had time to accumulate more. A rational non jealous person would understand theis. But she doesn't. Her BD doesn't contribute if so it is minimal. Has some contact with the child which she constantly throws up in my face as if I give a d**n. I personally feel he will only be a bad influence on my niece. Also she is a crazy BM who wants to meet anyone he dates before they meet Cydney. Come on now we all can see through that she just wants to be nosy and size the other woman up. hen I told her that wasn't a good idea she needs to trust her dad to protect her, of course she threw up the you don't underatand cause Jaylin's dad is NOT (empahsis on NOT) involved. I just played past it....Jay's dad had nothing to do with it nor did it hurt my feelings but it just showed her true intent. I know the truth about why she wants that...we all know she wants to third party into his new relationship. I feel like when a BM and BD are done, be cordial but cut all other ties. I believe in letting them co-parent and playing your role with your man. My sis has been unemployed for a year. Playing at looking for a job. Soon as I moved to a nicer area, bought my son a bedroom set and myself and really stepped out on my own now all of sudden she gets serrious about job searching after I stated" the reason why i work is for my son." Jay has food allergies and speech delay for whic he receives speech. he is bad and such a cutie. She always goes out of her way to say Cydney is sooooo advanced and "guess what Cydney doesn't have any food allergies." To me she is so obvious. People hate to see you rise above circumstance and hold your own. I have experienced so much hatred from fam and friends cause I'm successful it's not even funny. But in the end it taught me to trust no one but God and myself and not to make other ppl's issues my issues.

I make over 20.00 and hour and now she just has to find a job that pay 20.00 and hour or more. To me she is pathetic, I would never stoop to that level. I don't know how she gon take it when I get that 100,000 a year travel nurse job next August 2011. All I have to say is do you.....bump them haters and don'ttake BM's antics so personal....really they are pitiful.

[aquari0216]

AMEN TO YOU BOTH!!!