Another "Help I don't know what to do..." girl

[eyeswideopen]

Okay, let's c if we can get some stuff str8.
First, your boyfriend needs to go to court. He can go to any Office of Family services (OFS). They will be able to direct him with regards to obtaining a public defender to represent him in the child support and custody hearings. A public defender is free. If that is not an option, he will just have to work 2 jobs if he has to and save money until he does have enough to go to court.

Next, your boyfriend needs to handle his business like a man. This is not your battle. He needs to put his foot down and lay the law with his BM. If she texts 22 times in a day, turn the phone off after the 3rd text. It's that simple. When the kids call cussing you out, hang up. Simple. You can't control what the BM tells her children, but you can control what you listen to and what you subject yourself to.

From your post, it sounds like your boyfriend is not being proactive and he doesn't even have a plan of action. He seems to be letting the BM do whatever she wants and doesn't want to anger her so he can c his kids. He may piss her off. He may even not get to c his kids for a little while. But it would be worth it once the courts set forth child support and visitation.

Calling and texting the cell that many times is called "harrassment". You can call your local police department and file a report against her. Have her number blocked. That would probably end all that nonsense.

[eyeswideopen]

Oh, and as far as the money he has been sending her without a court order of child support. You can kiss that money goodbye! In the eyes of the court, all that money is just a gift and doesn't count towards future child support.

[eyeswideopen]

Now about the last post. This is classic BM antics 101. You are not alone. Been there, done that. Honey, you are not to blame. The BM is. She is playing a sick game with her childrens' emotional and mental wellbeing. All you and your boyfriend have to do is keep loving and treating those kids right and they will c right through her games. Children are more perceptive than we give them credit for.

Don't feel guilty cuz he doesn't c his kids anymore. Be angry. Angry that a mother would try to keep children from their father, and angry that your boyfriend isn't doing more to get this sitch right!

He should be researching his options. Some lawyers work pro bono. Public defenders. Aid from social services. There are many avenues that he may seek that I didn't see you mention in the posts.

She sees what a pushover your man is and is trying to make him choose between his children and you. When it shouldn't even be about that. He should be angry with BD for trying something so sick and malicious.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend need to sit down and get on the same page when it comes to handling BM. Also, you both need to communicate each other's feelings about this.

I get the impression that you feel like all this is your fault somehow. Let me make you feel better. It aint. If BM wasn't going after you, it would be some other poor woman your man is dating. Same game, different players. And if you took yourself out of the equation, BM would still be a spiteful, vindictive, malicious piece of shiit that used her children like pawns in a chess game. You don't make her who she is. She is who she is.

It's obvious that this woman still wants her BD. Are you sure he doesn't still have feelings for the BM?

[guest slick]

yes, a custody and visitation order are imperative or else you will be going through this endlessly....no more child support until he establishes an order and schedule of visitation. he may even be able to get full custody...

[splucks]

I can't help but wonder why you, presumably a childless woman would choose to get mixed up with a BD 2x over & his long, long list of woes w/his BM. Run while you have the chance. While you seem to think the world of him I surely don't. He's proven to make very poor decisions, such as getting tied to a drama queen for the rest of his life (cause as long as his children are alive he's tied to her, it doesn't stop after age 18). He knew what type of woman she was BEFORE his children were born, yet he fathered 2 bastards anyway, never tried to right his wrong by making her his wife, & has no conscience or guilt that his children he claims to love so much are stuck w/the label "bastard". And just look at the sad, sorry situation he's in, he can't even "handle" his BM, allows her to run amok, causing caos, drama, & mayhem, while dragging you thru the mud w/him. And' you're gladly accepting this, cause you think you're proving/justifying your love for him. Just as he has made bad choices so are you by clinging to a man who you said can't afford a attorney, is shelling out $400/month for child support. What about you huh? Do you hope to marry this man some day, & if so with all his extra cash going toward child support where would that leave you? Suppose you decide to have a child/children, could he financially support them, in addition to a mortgage, car payments, insurance, utilities bills, etc? Why tie yourself to a lost cause. Stop thinking with your heart, cause your heart will do nothing but lead you to a life of misery, it tells you what you want to hear & shows you what you want to see while blinding you to the truth. Instead use your head, you know, the common sense that God instilled in all of us. Then again, evidently common sense isn't all that common. Case in point.

[wannabedramafree]

I'm in the same boat, my BF'S BM tried to tear us apart to the point to where she did everything I did. If I got my hair done she'll go and get her's done. It got to the point of it being very obvious that she still have feelings for him, and he played the role as if he didn't see it. So I spoke up about it and BM started to see that her tactic's wasn't working anymore. Then she started to argue about the littlest thing's just to be spikefull and my BF wouldn't do or say anything about it . So I started to get mad because I feel that he should stand up for himself, but he to worried about how she gone react and how she gone feel. Till this day I still don't know if it's because he still has feelings for her or what. She even took him to CS after threatening him with it for 2yrs, made a hearing and didn't even show.Now she has cailmed down ,but she still tries to pull her stunts every now and then. Sad to say I'm bout ready to just let go because I really don't know how he really feels about her ,if he still have feelings for her, that being why he let so much stuff slide ,but tell me that i'm just looking at it wrong. Yea he tells me that he loves me and wants to marry and have children but can I really be sure that it's nothing there. Thats the frist thing a man would do is talk down on their BM's as if they don't care about them but deep down inside they do.

[splucks]

If you were me you'd wouldn't be mixed up in his dilemma, but since life is full of choices then carry on & continue to suffer. But before I go, allow me to flip the script. Ask yourself if you were a babymama w/2 kids by someone else would he be so supportive of you, or would he chose someone else who doesn't come w/all this baggage? Things that make you say hmnnn...........

[tamara]

Im new to this site, but I am in the same situation. My bf bm is nothing but drama. He has other kids, but she is the only bm that acts this way. They have a court order and sometimes she doesnt want him to see his child. He has been respectful towards her, and so have I. I the court oder they have to communicate through a third party. He had his sons haircut because he was having problems at school with kids pulling his hair and calling him a lil girl. The teacher tried to talk to bm but she wasnt hearing it, so she called bd. Shen entered into my home while bd was taken me to work with a golf club and got into a fist fight with his mom. They had a warrant taken out for her arrest. She has been vindictive since then. Has had him in court about three times since April. Now shes coming at me saying im harassing her, and when he can't fine anyone to call her I will. I have always been respectful towards her and never used profanity at her. She is violent in front of her kids and verbally abusive towards the kids, me and my bf. I text her to ask her could her daughter come to a slumber that my niece is having, because she went last year. She never text back r anything. Then their son face swelled up with bumps around his right eye. My bf called to let her know and to this day she hasn't called him or text him to see what happened. We don't know if he's allergic to anything because she holds this grudge against him, and doesn't want to talk to him. He talks to his other bm's and they get alone fine. Im about to give up and not go through this with him.