Once a year drama

[Needin Answers]

okay so my husband has a son that he hasn't seen in 3 years. he tried for a year but the drama got the best of him and he gave up. he pays child support faithfully but has lost all desire to see his child. once a year we hear from the baby mama claiming that she has changed one year, then we try to see him and she backs out. The next year he tried to send him a present she refused. this year her new thing is that she is going to change his last name to hers....why does she not leave well enough alone? She has already destroyed the relationship they could have had. Not to mention I have never done anything to her but I am this horrible person according to her.

[jaylady999]

He didnt try to go through the courts go get visitation???

[memy]

Hey Jay

Question from BM to BM...Would you had persued CS legally had BD not stood up to his resposibility earlier on??

[jaylady999]

Absolutely not!

But this BD is paying CS and unable to see his child. Before he would have just given up, I think he should at least tried to go the legal route. There is no way I can see just throwing my hands in the air and saying eff it when it comes to having my child in my life. KWIM?

[memy]

Oct 14, 2010 8:19:49 GMT -5 jaylady999 said:

Absolutely not!

But this BD is paying CS and unable to see his child. Before he would have just given up, I think he should at least tried to go the legal route. There is no way I can see just throwing my hands in the air and saying eff it when it comes to having my child in my life. KWIM?

Is it because you feel you shouldn't have to force someone to take care of their kid and you want it to be genuinely done because they really want to and not because CS makes them?

I ask because that is what I wanted and expected. I got it (CS)but it was inconsistent. Yet, I was still doing my part and encouraging a relationship between BD and DS. And that's how I think these BD's think when they pay CS and rarely see their child. Their doing their part.

Not until now did I realize that he wasn't paying CS because he wanted to but because he felt like he had to. Therefore I am now persuing CS the legal way which is something I should have done earlier on.

To me, there's a big diff between a person wanting to do something and having to. KWIM.

In both cases (CS/Visitation): The good thing is that some may come to the conclusion that bringing in the middle man is what it's gonna take. The bad thing is that they may just give up all together...

One thing I do know is that sometimes the decision to involve a third party takes time, courage and tried patience.

I know what you mean but it's just not that easy.

[jaylady999]

Is it because you feel you shouldn't have to force someone to take care of their kid and you want it to be genuinely done because they really want to and not because CS makes them?

I ask because that is what I wanted and expected. I got it (CS)but it was inconsistent. Yet, I was still doing my part and encouraging a relationship between BD and DS. And that's how I think these BD's think when they pay CS and rarely see their child. Their doing their part.

Didnt she say he WANTS to see his child, but BM wont allow him to? Thats a totally different sitch. He is not saying that CS is enough, he is saying, "I pay CS but BM wont let me see my kid". You can only compare if you are saying that BM is trying to FORCE him to see his child, which I'd never do that either. But in this sitch, he wants to be a part of his childs life yet BM is the one playing games. Therefore, since he wants it, he should go to court for it, that appears the only option and he has clearly given up before exhausting all the possibilities.

Not until now did I realize that he wasn't paying CS because he wanted to but because he felt like he had to. Therefore I am now persuing CS the legal way which is something I should have done earlier on.

I dont disagree with those who seek out CS, not at all. It is definitely a right of your child to have BOTH parents provide.

To me, there's a big diff between a person wanting to do something and having to. KWIM.

Exactly, he WANTS to spend time with his child, BM wont allow it

In both cases (CS/Visitation): The good thing is that some may come to the conclusion that bringing in the middle man is what it's gonna take. The bad thing is that they may just give up all together...

I would never in a million years give up on seeing my child, ever. But thats just me.

One thing I do know is that sometimes the decision to involve a third party takes time, courage and tried patience.

I know what you mean but it's just not that easy.

No, its not easy, but had she come here and said, we've been to court, they are no help, then I'd say, ok. But he didnt try, or at least I dont get the vibe that he's been to court over this.

[memy]

Since he's still paying CS, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's given up altogether. So I wouldn't count him as a quitter just yet..

Needin Answers ~ I would just encourage him to weigh all of his options before he totally gives up. I wouldn't pressure him about it but rather mention it when the time calls for it.

The key is to replace discouragement with encouragement...

From what I've learned there are two ways he can go about it. 1. He can stop paying CS, which will most likely cause BM to run down to her local CS office or 2. Go put himself on CS and persue visitation.

How old is this child btw? Honey if u seek answers were gonna need input..

[caderona]

Get court ordered visitation! Your husband should not a allow a crazy to decide how often he sees his own child.