Post by TooYoungForThis on Jun 12, 2011 15:36:27 GMT -5
Hi y'all--
I'm relatively new to BMD and am looking for some advice/encouragement about how to deal with it. My S.O had been open with me from Day 1 about the fact that he had a child, and I've told him from Day 1 that I acknowledge and uphold the fact that family comes first before our relationship, and family means both his child AND his BM.
Unfortunately, his BM doesn't seem to be quite so understanding when the shoe is on the other foot. Though they've been apart for months now, she admitted to him when he told her that he was seeing me that she'd been banking on she and him getting back together. I can understand part of her actions based on that. However, I CANNOT understand why she would threaten revoking his ability to see their child, or why she feels the need to be so malicious towards me. I recently found out from a mutual friend that she's been trashing me through social media, and, though I can't see or read the majority of it (thank GOD!) it still pops up on my S.O dashboard or on occasion, in my inbox when either she or a friend of hers decide to send me hate mail. Though I try to brush it off, it still hurts in a deeply visceral, primitive part of me-- the other night while my S.O was online, I saw that her status was about how unattractive she thinks I am, and that I don't deserve to be so self-confident for someone that she considers less attractive. Ouch. That one found its mark and nearly ruined my mood for the rest of the night with the S.O-- her saying that I'm unsexy nearly made me believe it and feel it, too. How could I address her targeting me, without stooping to her level and responding similarly, which I get the feeling is what she wants so she can add more fuel to the fire?
As it stands, she is the BM. I don't want kids; I don't want to replace her. I nannied for families for years, and though I'm great with young kids, I've always preferred other people's to the thought of my own. In an ideal world, she would understand that if given the chance, I could be an asset and team player in helping her and my S.O with their child, while at the same time still keeping in mind that much like the kids I nannied for, I can appreciate and love them for who they are as little individuals without trying to be and/or replace their REAL parents.
In short...if this is just the beginning, how do I survive and thrive in this?
Thanks!
I'm relatively new to BMD and am looking for some advice/encouragement about how to deal with it. My S.O had been open with me from Day 1 about the fact that he had a child, and I've told him from Day 1 that I acknowledge and uphold the fact that family comes first before our relationship, and family means both his child AND his BM.
Unfortunately, his BM doesn't seem to be quite so understanding when the shoe is on the other foot. Though they've been apart for months now, she admitted to him when he told her that he was seeing me that she'd been banking on she and him getting back together. I can understand part of her actions based on that. However, I CANNOT understand why she would threaten revoking his ability to see their child, or why she feels the need to be so malicious towards me. I recently found out from a mutual friend that she's been trashing me through social media, and, though I can't see or read the majority of it (thank GOD!) it still pops up on my S.O dashboard or on occasion, in my inbox when either she or a friend of hers decide to send me hate mail. Though I try to brush it off, it still hurts in a deeply visceral, primitive part of me-- the other night while my S.O was online, I saw that her status was about how unattractive she thinks I am, and that I don't deserve to be so self-confident for someone that she considers less attractive. Ouch. That one found its mark and nearly ruined my mood for the rest of the night with the S.O-- her saying that I'm unsexy nearly made me believe it and feel it, too. How could I address her targeting me, without stooping to her level and responding similarly, which I get the feeling is what she wants so she can add more fuel to the fire?
As it stands, she is the BM. I don't want kids; I don't want to replace her. I nannied for families for years, and though I'm great with young kids, I've always preferred other people's to the thought of my own. In an ideal world, she would understand that if given the chance, I could be an asset and team player in helping her and my S.O with their child, while at the same time still keeping in mind that much like the kids I nannied for, I can appreciate and love them for who they are as little individuals without trying to be and/or replace their REAL parents.
In short...if this is just the beginning, how do I survive and thrive in this?
Thanks!
. The bolded is incorrect though honey. His baby mama is not his family and niether of you should hold her in any regard other than the mother of his child. Her advances on him and attempts to break you guys up didn't work so what does she have left? THE KID, if she refuses to let him see the kid(s), take her to court. Plain and simple. All the other stuff is just a s bitter woman acting out. Just ignore her, she'll embarrass herself.