Post by cognitivedissonance on Aug 16, 2011 11:49:52 GMT -5
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months, and he has been honest with me about his son (2 1/2 years) since day 1.
While 6 months pregnant, BM told my BF that she was going to have an abortion, but he talked her into not killing the child. She was 17, and he was only 19. My BF has been sterile since age 9 and values life so much because he knows he cannot reproduce. This means the kid has a .00001% chance of being his, especially because she was sleeping with his best friend before they started casually dating. So she agreed to put him up for adoption. At the ultra sound, they found that her embriotic fluid wasn't full enough and they filled her with a solution to cushion the baby. She wasn't showing due to the lack of fluid and she's overweight, so he had no idea til then. Two days later, she goes into labor and my BF takes it upon himself to adopt the little boy so that he can have a son and she can keep her baby. They lived together for about a year and actually learned to love eachother. He got a car for her, and took care of all the finances. She took him for granted and complained she couldn't party anymore. SHe didn't want to pay rent, and she trapped him emotionally. Eventually it got to be too much for him and he sent her on her way to live alone. She got the car repossessed and evicted from her apt within 2 months and moved in with her mom.
Fast forward a year.
He and I meet, and hit it off great. Everything is going along swimmingly, and he encourages me to try and talk to BM. Never having dated someone with kids before, I go online to find out what to do. Everything said to lay low, so I did.
While working this out, BM starts to make waves. She would demand that he watch his son in less than an hour's notice and told him he wasn't allowed to get a babysitter when we had plans to go out. She would be late to pick him up bc she was hungover, making my BF late for work. She threatened multiple times to take him away. And he believed her, because she held it over his head that he wasn't the biological father. She expected him to be there to answer her every beck and call, knowing that he was so desperate to see his son that it would work.
I couldnt stand back and just watch this girl destroy my BF's self-esteem. I made strides to help him overcome her manipulativeness. If she couldnt pick him up because of her lack of planning, we would take him to her. When she told him she'd take him away, I'd reassure him that he'd see him within a week, and he always did. When she said he had to watch him, and call into work, I offered to babysit (she really hated that and watched him herself.) Eventually her threats had no power.
And then she started showing up places that we were to cause problems. Serious problems. She got in my face at a bar and got herself thrown out. That night, he told me he didn't want to be involved with the child anymore because of her. He didn't want this life forever and had no idea how to change it and that it might be better for the little boy if he was raised by one parent, instead of watching them fight his whole life. He said he wanted his own family with me, several years from now, and married.
At this point, I seriously considered bailing bc I was afraid he would leave his kid bc of our relationship. And then he found out his best friend had been sleeping with her again, and they were hiding it from him. She did it to get to him, to make him jealous. His best friend was desperate, and it was easy. They used eachother. My BF cut ties with both of them in an instant. This was just a week ago, and I don't know what to do. I know he loves his son, but I don't want to watch this girl destroy his life and our relationship. Whatever his decision, I will support him in it. But I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to risk getting hurt or in trouble because of this girl, and I certainly don't want him to make a decision he will regret later.
While 6 months pregnant, BM told my BF that she was going to have an abortion, but he talked her into not killing the child. She was 17, and he was only 19. My BF has been sterile since age 9 and values life so much because he knows he cannot reproduce. This means the kid has a .00001% chance of being his, especially because she was sleeping with his best friend before they started casually dating. So she agreed to put him up for adoption. At the ultra sound, they found that her embriotic fluid wasn't full enough and they filled her with a solution to cushion the baby. She wasn't showing due to the lack of fluid and she's overweight, so he had no idea til then. Two days later, she goes into labor and my BF takes it upon himself to adopt the little boy so that he can have a son and she can keep her baby. They lived together for about a year and actually learned to love eachother. He got a car for her, and took care of all the finances. She took him for granted and complained she couldn't party anymore. SHe didn't want to pay rent, and she trapped him emotionally. Eventually it got to be too much for him and he sent her on her way to live alone. She got the car repossessed and evicted from her apt within 2 months and moved in with her mom.
Fast forward a year.
He and I meet, and hit it off great. Everything is going along swimmingly, and he encourages me to try and talk to BM. Never having dated someone with kids before, I go online to find out what to do. Everything said to lay low, so I did.
While working this out, BM starts to make waves. She would demand that he watch his son in less than an hour's notice and told him he wasn't allowed to get a babysitter when we had plans to go out. She would be late to pick him up bc she was hungover, making my BF late for work. She threatened multiple times to take him away. And he believed her, because she held it over his head that he wasn't the biological father. She expected him to be there to answer her every beck and call, knowing that he was so desperate to see his son that it would work.
I couldnt stand back and just watch this girl destroy my BF's self-esteem. I made strides to help him overcome her manipulativeness. If she couldnt pick him up because of her lack of planning, we would take him to her. When she told him she'd take him away, I'd reassure him that he'd see him within a week, and he always did. When she said he had to watch him, and call into work, I offered to babysit (she really hated that and watched him herself.) Eventually her threats had no power.
And then she started showing up places that we were to cause problems. Serious problems. She got in my face at a bar and got herself thrown out. That night, he told me he didn't want to be involved with the child anymore because of her. He didn't want this life forever and had no idea how to change it and that it might be better for the little boy if he was raised by one parent, instead of watching them fight his whole life. He said he wanted his own family with me, several years from now, and married.
At this point, I seriously considered bailing bc I was afraid he would leave his kid bc of our relationship. And then he found out his best friend had been sleeping with her again, and they were hiding it from him. She did it to get to him, to make him jealous. His best friend was desperate, and it was easy. They used eachother. My BF cut ties with both of them in an instant. This was just a week ago, and I don't know what to do. I know he loves his son, but I don't want to watch this girl destroy his life and our relationship. Whatever his decision, I will support him in it. But I honestly don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to risk getting hurt or in trouble because of this girl, and I certainly don't want him to make a decision he will regret later.
